My little mad scientist: revenge is magic

by mr. tallyman18

Chapter 2

Applejack sighed audibly, frustration reading clearly into her voice.

“Now sugercube, ah understand yer worried about your daddy, and ah understand that yer scared.”

Applejacks expression lightened, a warm, tender, almost motherly tone came upon her.

“But ah need yah ta calm down and speak clearly, tell me what happened.”

A frightened, shell-shocked Diamond Tiara looked up at the farmpony silently. Her hair was a frazzled mess, and her tiara was missing as she had to sell it to raise enough money to get back to ponyville.
Tentatively the young filly took in a breath and began to speak.

“MEANDADDYWEREATMISSSWEETHEARTSCHARITYBALLANDTHENSOMTHINGCAMETHROUGHTHEFLOORANDGRABBEDEVER-“

Applejack placed a hoof over diamond tiara’s mouth. Her family was a good friend and business partner of filthy rich and while she was happy to help when she asked. The young filly desperately needed to calm down and explain things clearly.

“Now one more time sugercube, and this time calmly, and clearly.”

Diamond Tiara looked up at the mare once more, and took another breath of air.

“She’s saying her father, along with the rest of the guests of miss sweetheart’s charity ball have been abducted.”

A powerful, regal, and somewhat familiar voice interrupted. With a startled yelp applejack jumped back as Princess Celestia gently landed next to diamond tiara, Causing the young filly to back away in awe of her majesty.

“P-princess Celestia, it’s an honor, but uh….how didja know about this, an’ howja know Diamond would be here?”

The princess gave a warm, benevolent smile to both girls. Alleviating their tension at least somewhat and opening them up to speak casually.

“Well while the royal guard were investigating the scene of the abduction, I decided to try and ask the ponies around the crime scene if they’d seen anyone leaving the building, perhaps then I could have gotten a witness to the crime to report on it. After asking around I got pointed in the direction of the train driver who took you to ponyville and low and behold here I am.”

The sun princess trotted over to diamond tiara as she spoke. Briefly she was met with a memory of her sister luna, trembling after a particularly devastating fight against discord. Kneeling down to the foal’s level she gently placed a wing over her as she had done to her distraught sister those many years ago.

“Now my dear, please….in the interest of helping your father. Calm down and tell us exactly what happened.”

Pausing slightly, with tears streaming down her eyes, she finally began to explain.

“During the ball, I remember miss teacake looking as though she was listening out for something, after awhile I heard it too….it sounded like a train. In fact I thought it WAS a train until I realized it was coming from the below. Then this huge metal thing came out of the floor, and all this metal ponies came out…”

“Metal ponies you say?”

Celestia interrupted, a slightly confused look very visible on her face. Tiara nodded glumly the image of the dark metal beasts still fresh in her mind.

“They looked like unicorns, except, their horns were all weird. After that an earth pony ended up coming out of the machine, he was wearing a metal mask, but I think he was a normal pony. He grabbed miss tea cake and started ordering all the metal ponies to take everyone else. I think he said something about not wanting witnesses.”
Sympathetically patting diamond tiara on the head, Celestia tuned to applejack. A grim but determined look crossed her muzzle as she gave the order.

“Applejack, gather the other elements of harmony, and then meet me at the library. I think I may have a plan to draw out our mysterious friend.”
…………………………………………………………………………
“Plans!? What are we doing with plans? Some metal-faced creep is kidnapping ponies and we’re just gonna sit here and try and think!?”

Twilight sighed, rainbows enthuisiasm and loyalty to the people of ponyville was admirable. But she had so little patience sometimes.

“Rainbow, I know it’s hard to take in, but we can’t just go around willy nilly trying to look for train tracks underground! We need to be patient.”

The Rainbow colored mare scowled. She knew Twilight was right, but it still frustrated her to be so helpless.
Sighing with defeated, submitted, her friends sobering words were finally sinking in and making the situation that much more hopeless.

“I just don’t wanna let anymore kids wind up like diamond tiara, nopony should be separated from their family.”
Twilight put a supportive hoof on her friends shoulder. A kind, understanding smile replacing the frustrated frown she had been wearing moments ago.

“They won’t Rainbow; you know not a single one of us would let that happen.”

“Indeed, simply ruining such a high class affair alone would have been a terrible offense. But leaving a little foal a fatherless is simply…..INEXUSABLE!!”

Spat rarity in her usual posh mannerism. Beside her pinkie pie nodded whole heartedly in agreement, an uncharacteristic frown present across her face.

“I know what you mean rarity, I mean what kinda mean-meanie beanie just goes out and takes someponies dad? That’s just…mean!”

Rainbow dash gave each and everypony present, her brightest grin. She should have known better then to think she was the only one who wanted to put a stop to this. Her friends weren’t the kinds of ponies to take this lying down and she doubted the princess would either.

“Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to lash out, I’m just alittle frustrated is all.”

“Oh….please don’t worry rainbow”

A soft voice quickly replied. The voice in question belonged to the yellow Pegasus fluttershy, resident animal caretaker of Ponyville. Hovering over to her friend, she continued.

“It’s only natural to be worried in a situation like this. I should know.”

Dash let out a small chuckle at fluttershy’s amusing statement. True she was often too worried about the smallest things. But she was always willing to overcome that anxiety for her friends.

“So whatcha reckon this plan of the princess’s entails?”

Applejack inquired with a degree of uncertainty. For whatever reason the orange farmpony couldn’t shake the feeling she wasn’t going to like the princess’s plan. Admittedly it may have been because she’d refused to come forward about it immediately, although something in her gut told her that wasn’t it.

“Well from what you’ve told me, Celestia herself doesn’t really know anything about whatever creature is committing the kidnapping. So my guess is she’d make an attempt to find out more before anything else.”

Twilight responded. Her studious tone making it seems as if she were answering a simple question at the institute for gifted unicrons, rather than a matter of national security.
Meanwhile rarity had put her hoof to her chin. Seemingly in the process of though, before she finally vocalized.

“I don’t understand why the royal guard cannot apprehend that ruffian the next time he strikes. I mean that is their job isn’t it?”
Twilight shook her head.

“There’s not enough royal guards, even if we spread them out into their thinnest they wouldn’t be present everywhere. And we don’t even know what kind of powers it has, for all we know we could be throwing them into a deathtrap.”

“Indeed you are right Twilight Sparkle. I am glad to see both your intelligence and your compassion both burn as brightly as ever.”

Quick as a whip, each and every head turned to the voice emanating from the door. And low and behold standing there in the wooden doorframe of the library was their beloved ruler, craning her neck down to enter.

“Princess, it’s wonderful that you’re here. Do you have what you need to execute your plan?”

While twilight didn’t like the idea of prying too much, she could not help but feel as though she needed to know more about the princess’s enigmatic plan.

“As a matter of fact I do”

Before twilight could work up the nerve to inquire further, applejack moved in front of her and managed to take the initiative for her.

“And, if ya’ll don’t mind me asking. What exactly is this plan of yours?”

Applejack ignored the scolding glance twilight had given her for her bluntness.

“I’m glad you asked applejack, I have gathered you all here…”

The air was practically being sucked out of the room, as each and everypony held a collective breath.
“….to go to a party.”

“WHAT!!?!”

Everyone in the room fell to the floor in exasperation. Except for a certain pink earth pony, who had begun attempting to stuff a cake (that had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere) into a suitcase (that had ALSO mysteriously appeared out of nowhere).

Comments

[mr. tallyman18]

horrible grammer? awkward dialogue? a boring chapter filled with exposition and a bad joke?

it can only mean one thing.......I'M BACK!

had considered just letting this die on its own, but what the hell.....I almost never see anything through so I might as well put a few nails into the coffin myself.

(comments would be appreciated, as well as pointing out any of the many grammer mistakes.)

(ps: Don't worry folks, I haven't gone emo on you, alittle self deprication is good for a guy)

[TwiwnB]

I'll allow myself to comment. But I don't know what your goal is when writing that story.

In my opinion, you didn't do any "mistake". I would probably have made other choices (like not making every one of the main 6 speak and trying to give the vilain a flaw), but alltogether, your story is coherent. I actually liked two things:
- Diamond Tiara wasn't just put there for no reason (I hope for her to come with the six ponies in the adventure, which would give the opportunity to explore how painful and how human... hum pony-y she can be. But painful nonetheless, just as Trixie is.).
- The fact that the story began in a party wasn't, for the moment, just a random idea, as it is used again for the first plan and will probably, it seems, be a red line the text and the logic behind the text will follow.

In that regard, it is already a better story than some I've read in my life (read in french, but even so...).

[mr. tallyman18]

1798881 thanks (sorry it took me a while to reply, XCOM is addicting) glad to see someone taking an interest in my fic.

as far as "mistakes" I mostly mean grammer and gratingly awkward dialogue (like you mentioned with having the mane six practicaly preform conversational roll call). as far as giving the villian a flaw, thats reserved for later chapters (the next one actually, i might have it up soon, but im hoooorrribly slow).

on the subject of daimond tiara, its actually somewhat interesting, she wasn't a driving part in the pre-planning of the fic, but as I brought filthy rich into the story, and then had him kidnapped, she sorta ended up worming her way in there, after that i felt like i needed to explore her reaction to such an event, and lo and behold she became a main character.

[TwiwnB]

1820290
Well, you had it coming as soon as the name of Diamond Tiara was pronounced. After all, she is one of the most hated and yet unexplored character.

I spoke about giving the vilain a flaw because it feels like you identify with him and want him to be, well, as good of a vilain as possible (I had the feeling you wanted him to be "perfect" as a representation of youreself). But I didn't say it because I know I can very easily be wrong about that. It just felt that way.