I am so very, very sorry.

I write proper stories too, honest.

974266 You should be. You should be.

974266 I... I don't... uh... umm...

I'm just going to give this a thumbs up and walk away. Slowly. While facing you...

I'm honestly disappointed you didn't have her come five times and say that it wasn't enough.

Shame on you, sir.

Shame on you.

I would ask where the Tartarus you came up with this idea, but then my mind would have to travel to the same place that yours did. I'm content to let my membrane stay cozy and warm where it is.

mareyonnaise - the product of way too much time putting words together with the Tasmanian Devil on a demonic Scrabble board.

The metaphors. The metaphors.

Bearded love has now entered my vocabulary. Thanks for that.

After all this I only have one question. Was it good for you?

Um, that's all I got. Get well soon, my friend.

what.

976600 ... Ffffffffffffffffff

976623 Yes. Yes, it was good.

976627 I KNOW, RIGHT

Well that happened.

FUCK YES.

...oh god, what? I can't even...words...just...yar?

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Hope that stupid picture thing works, fits this story perfectly, almost "like a fire extinguisher in an ankle sock."

I'm...I'm just gonna...gonna run now.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHhhhhh....

I like his Homeric mastery of words

I believe that may be the most metaphorifically amazing work ever. At least from a genitalia point of view.

No idea how or why that story idea happened, but sometimes you just have to work those demons out of you.

something like that.

what is this i dont even
No, seriously, what. What horrors have been visited upon you to spawn this fic? What demons have you pacted with?
I think something deep inside me has been forever broken this day.

Still not the weirdest thing I've read by this fandom.

But fuck me if it isn't close.

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To coin a phrase: what in the horsecocking fucknuggets had just been plunged into my brain?

976661 yes. yes it did.

976669 thank you Wil =3

976986 I am a wordsmith of impeccable calibre.

977087 dammit, everyone, they're similes! SIMILEEEEEEEEES! But also thank you. And yes. To quote my chidhood hero and close personal friend Ace Ventura, the demons have been exorcised.

977297 iunno I had a bad day at work *shrug* Sorry if you broke.

977359 I can feel the respect draining from you =(

977400 I'm really still not sure about the map of Equestria. Just... what.

977493 There's a title at the top, silly.

977541 The best medicine.

'...vigorously exploring her seeping spermsponge.'
'Twilight squealed like a Clanger on helium as the gargantuan girl-gherkin pierced her.'
'And there, in the window, a miniscule capillary Rarity waved.'

Suddenly, I feel a strong urge to take a very long walk around the park and rethink what the hell I'm doing with my life. I might be a while...

And here I was, lamenting another author's dark/comedy clop's lack of rotational spit roasting.

I really didn't get the beards though... I felt their characters were much too undeveloped, and then after the climax of the story, they were never mentioned again.

This was pure gold

The innuendos.......The metaphors and similes......THE BEARDS......
THEY WERE FREAKING GLORIOUS
"Celestia plugged her pupil’s clunge canal with the tenderness and subtlety of a fist to the tits."
"Twilight squealed like a Clanger on helium as the gargantuan girl-gherkin pierced her."
"With a flick or her wings and a “GOTTA GO FAST,” Celestia spun Twilight as hard as she could"
This is one of the two reasons I read clop.
1.Proper sexy stories
2. FREAKING INSANE SHIT LIKE THIS
and this is the absolute strangest, most awesome clop I have ever read.
I thank you sincerely and will forward the bill from all my therapy sessions
........and all the fake beards I'm gonna buy.

Damn.

That got weird fast.

"Rarity’s mewling cries were drowned out only by the sizzling of their audience’s moustaches as they were furiously twiddled."
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Had to be done.

In any case... wow. Just... wow. I hope you feel better, having written this.
...
WOW.

This is the best worst thing I've read in a while.

WTF
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!

Reading this was like looking upon the face of God... and noticing a startling resemblance to Steve Buscemi. Thumbs up, I think?

I think i just experienced ultimate greatness. from this point forward my life shall be a hollow husk of its former self, for nothing can compare to this.

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The word "manly" shall now be used with caution.

what is this i don't even know

Pretty funny.

Damn it is not right snickering in the corner of your room with an erection so thanks for that you ass

"I don't even know what ponies are supposed to cry out with!"

Gosh, this is freaking amazing!!
I... I don't even know... I don't even know how to explain this close-to-pure clopfic! You sir have a respec point from me. ^^

Truly, this is how the Celestia/Chrysalis showdown should have gone:

Chrysalis: Shining armor's love for you is powerful - it has made me more powerful than CELESTIA!

Celestia: I AM Equestria!

Chrysalis: What the -- O GOD THE BEARD!!

This is pretty much the best thing ever. You did an amazing job XD

Umm... take my whats, take all of them.

This story has been approved by the commity of the pony-minded.

Thumbs up

How is it possible to fit so many descriptive words and metaphors into a story?

THE QUICKENIIIIIING!!!!!

Before reading: Okay, TC said this would be weird. Let's do this!
After Chapter1: What.

I wanted to clop, I honestly did. I ended up laughing far too hard.

Not my proudest boner.

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fuck

..... I......I...... I'm not quite sure, what I just read. So hears my plan. Thumbs then leave. Slowy. Backing away as to never take my eyes off you to make sure you don't try anything.

You know, I had a literal mental breakdown yesterday. I collapsed in a chair and cried for a few minutes, got angry and threw the chair across the room, and devoured an entire loaf of garlic bread before I calmed down.

After reading this, I realized how unproductive it all was. Thank you for this. This story is the perfect amount of "What the *F!*?", and I enjoyed it.

Ten out of ten.

1264447

What this man said

I think that my brain turned into marshmallow after reading this.
Nevertheless, it's a pleasant feeling

I can't believe no one has done this before but...
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this site needs more beardfics