Fallout Equestria: Unwanted

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RuinQueenofOblivion

RuinQueenofOblivion #1 · Jan 27th, 2018 · · · Fallout Equestria: Unwanted Prologue ·

Curious, an interesting way to start the fic, nice use of Equestrian propaganda to introduce the setting... I'll give this a chance, don't disappoint me.

MintCakeWrites

MintCakeWrites #2 · Jan 27th, 2018 · · · Fallout Equestria: Unwanted Prologue ·

Colour me interested, I'm looking foward to see how you build from the race relations start, and how it will affect a stable dweller. Do love me some complex discussions about social issues with plenty of rooty-tooty-point-and-shooty.

For improvement, recheck your formatting and grammar. Walls of text are not ideal, and I did spot a few errors (English teacher, it's second nature for me). Additionally, some of this does feel like padding:

But our story does not take place before the war. It starts behind the giant door of Stable 34. There, our journey will truly begin. Through these words you will learn about the struggles about a Stable Dweller from this mentioned 34, as well as his companions of whom his travels intertwine.

Too much fluff! The first three sentences there are excellent, the last adds two small bits of information and a whole lotta of nothing other than word count. Condense, less is more. Fill out descriptions elsewhere to buff those numbers, I want to hear more about how the character was gripped or inspired by these stories. I want to know how their parents told the stories, how embellishments were added.

It's a good start, and I'm eager to see where it goes. Keep at it.

Cryosite

Cryosite #3 · Jan 27th, 2018 · 1 · 1 · Fallout Equestria: Unwanted Prologue ·

Not going to read this. I just felt like pointing out that the title is terribly spot on.

Khun1sp0ne

Khun1sp0ne #4 · Nov 17th, 2018 · · · Fallout Equestria: Unwanted Prologue ·

8695564
I'm sorry if most of the Grammar was bad, I didn't fair well in english. but I have a close friend who helps be the editor when it comes to helping me fix the grammar.