Now only Rainbow dash is missing so that mane 6 are complete. If you are going to include Ember in the group, here is an idea of how to include it but you do not have to do it if you do not want to: Mane 6 and Spike receive a letter from the Princess of the ponies of Equestria which says go to the dimension where the ponies try to talk about an important issue, the mane 6 and spike go through the portal, making the mane 6 recover their forms originals while a spike to the surprise of mane 6 becomes a dragon, on the way Twilight tells spike that in the dimension where the ponies inhabit other races inhabit like dragons, griffons, ect and unlike the ponies dragons are not interested in making relationships with humans, later in future chapters in canterlot the scales of spike begin to shine and Celestia says that the Lord dragon is calling all the dragons for a call called the Gauntlet of fire which consists of who will become the next ruler in the land of the dragons, Spike at first refuses to go but Rarity convinces him to go so that at least they get precious stones, without more option Spike accompanied by Twilight and Rarity go to the dragon lands. reaching the dragon lands, Twilight uses a spell on her and Rarity to disguise rocks, spike to be a dragon can freely pass through the kingdom later on spike knew his enemies Garble and his gang, and a certain mysterious dragoness. and that would be more or less the idea that I have to include Ember.
8840792 Uh, they actually are anthos in this story, it even says so in the first chapter. Plus, if Princess Celestia were to call them (a bit unlikely since she hasn't been mentioned in so far), she would only request for Twilight since Twilight is a princess as well.
Another fun chapter. Although, I found a few minor errors like a lack of capitalized, missing apostrophes in what were supposed to be some conjoined words, a lack of spacing in some areas, and missing commas in places that required them. But the most glaring case of writing errors I caught was this,
8841272 Why you think it will stop at six remember how much spike is shipped with Starlight and then their is Trixie who is a fandom favorite oh and let's not forget Ditzy Doo, or Vinyl, or Octavia. Spike is only on the tip of the ice burg
8840792 Hm. I was thinking Ember could play a similar role to Draco the Dragonewt. Not Garble, though. He’s too much of a stereotypical schoolyard bully.
Flutters should be capitalized, since it's a nickname, like Spikey.
chest only for to move sideways and doge. chest only for him to move sideways and dodge.
Rarirty, I am Rarity and I was - Rarity, I am Rarity, and I was
please come over to store here in the mall, - come over to my store here
the dressing rooms while spike took a seat near the entrance.As they got to - while Spike took a sear near the entrance. As they got to
About 2 whole hours had passed and Spike was getting bored, - About two hours (Don't use numericals, spell the numbers out.)
As Spike got to t where they were his eyes widened almost - As Spike got to where they were his eyes widened almost
“Yes, something like that, but let’s discuss later, it will be closing time soon, and I have a bit work to do,” - “Yes, something like that, but let’s discuss that later, it will be closing time soon, and I have a bit of work to do,”
There's also a few missed caps at the start of sentences and your comma usage or lack there of could use some serious work. Editors and proofreaders are your best support in the world of writing, especially the ones who are the hardest on you, I would heavily suggest getting one.
As for the story, still very amusing and funny. I appreciate that Rarity gets a special reaction out of Spike, similar to his reaction in the show. As fun as this chapter is though, what I really look forward to is watching Twilight flip shit next chapter.
That was a awesome read Iloved it. heres a idea like the original where the agent has monster girls working with her to keep the peace between humans and monsters how about all the four of the ex villains as girl agent/fighting force.
I did like this chapter, Rarity is a character that I don't enjoy much, well in stories or writing her. I find it hard to find the right place to put her and I think that you done a good job with her. Here's a picture that I'll like to use when I write down Anthro Ponies stories or just Mature stories, it might help you with later chapter if you ever wanted to add breast sizes.
8867349 I don't blame you. This is what I like to do in my Anthro mature stories; Peasi plus Griffins are A-Cup, B-Cup, C-Cup and D-Cup for fast flying. Unicorns are E-Cup, F-Cup and G-Cup Earth Ponies are H-Cup, G-Cup and E-Cup With rulers like Skystar, Luna or Ember being I-Cup
8897627 Maybe just the unedited ones for now, I wanna give the other guy credit, wouldn't wanna make him mad. But you could go ahead and edit the others. think I could send you future chps before I post them?
HAH
Its perfect!!!
Not bad at all.
Now only Rainbow dash is missing so that mane 6 are complete.
If you are going to include Ember in the group, here is an idea of how to include it but you do not have to do it if you do not want to:
Mane 6 and Spike receive a letter from the Princess of the ponies of Equestria which says go to the dimension where the ponies try to talk about an important issue, the mane 6 and spike go through the portal, making the mane 6 recover their forms originals while a spike to the surprise of mane 6 becomes a dragon, on the way Twilight tells spike that in the dimension where the ponies inhabit other races inhabit like dragons, griffons, ect and unlike the ponies dragons are not interested in making relationships with humans, later in future chapters in canterlot the scales of spike begin to shine and Celestia says that the Lord dragon is calling all the dragons for a call called the Gauntlet of fire which consists of who will become the next ruler in the land of the dragons, Spike at first refuses to go but Rarity convinces him to go so that at least they get precious stones, without more option Spike accompanied by Twilight and Rarity go to the dragon lands.
reaching the dragon lands, Twilight uses a spell on her and Rarity to disguise rocks, spike to be a dragon can freely pass through the kingdom later on spike knew his enemies Garble and his gang, and a certain mysterious dragoness.
and that would be more or less the idea that I have to include Ember.
The only one missing now is Rainbow Dash.
I wonder how exactly she'll be introduced considering how in the Rachnera was introduced in the actual anime.
8840792
Uh, they actually are anthos in this story, it even says so in the first chapter. Plus, if Princess Celestia were to call them (a bit unlikely since she hasn't been mentioned in so far), she would only request for Twilight since Twilight is a princess as well.
8840887
But remember , Elements of harmony.
YAY! RARITY!
Awesome chapter!
8840897
The girls never met each other before in this story, and I kinda doubt the elements of harmony will be in this story.
lol Endurance indeed. XD
I can't wait to see the rest of the girls reactions to when they see Rarity is moving in now.
Things are getting chaotic up in here.
Now all that's left is Rainbow dash and the mane six will be complete thought I wonder if she's got the hots for spike more than the other girls.
Another fun chapter. Although, I found a few minor errors like a lack of capitalized, missing apostrophes in what were supposed to be some conjoined words, a lack of spacing in some areas, and missing commas in places that required them. But the most glaring case of writing errors I caught was this,
there is literally no space between “if” and “I”
Spike is sooooooo lucky!
8841272
Why you think it will stop at six remember how much spike is shipped with Starlight and then their is Trixie who is a fandom favorite oh and let's not forget Ditzy Doo, or Vinyl, or Octavia. Spike is only on the tip of the ice burg
8840792
Hm. I was thinking Ember could play a similar role to Draco the Dragonewt. Not Garble, though. He’s too much of a stereotypical schoolyard bully.
8840792
I already have a plan for ember, she'll be introduced soon enough, and with company.
8841637
Dammit! No matter how often I check I can't find those mistakes, I'll fix it soon. Or put my editor on it
8841145
The chaos hasn't even started yet
8840999
Glad you got the joke XD
8841012
Twilights in particular will be interesting, glad you're enjoying it btw
8842102
Maybe run it through a writing aid, like Grammarly, as well.
Flutters should be capitalized, since it's a nickname, like Spikey.
chest only for to move sideways and doge. chest only for him to move sideways and dodge.
Rarirty, I am Rarity and I was - Rarity, I am Rarity, and I was
please come over to store here in the mall, - come over to my store here
the dressing rooms while spike took a seat near the entrance.As they got to - while Spike took a sear near the entrance. As they got to
About 2 whole hours had passed and Spike was getting bored, - About two hours (Don't use numericals, spell the numbers out.)
As Spike got to t where they were his eyes widened almost - As Spike got to where they were his eyes widened almost
“Yes, something like that, but let’s discuss later, it will be closing time soon, and I have a bit work to do,” - “Yes, something like that, but let’s discuss that later, it will be closing time soon, and I have a bit of work to do,”
There's also a few missed caps at the start of sentences and your comma usage or lack there of could use some serious work. Editors and proofreaders are your best support in the world of writing, especially the ones who are the hardest on you, I would heavily suggest getting one.
As for the story, still very amusing and funny. I appreciate that Rarity gets a special reaction out of Spike, similar to his reaction in the show. As fun as this chapter is though, what I really look forward to is watching Twilight flip shit next chapter.
That was a awesome read Iloved it. heres a idea like the original where the agent has monster girls working with her to keep the peace between humans and monsters how about all the four of the ex villains as girl agent/fighting force.
Next will be rainbow dashie
I did like this chapter, Rarity is a character that I don't enjoy much, well in stories or writing her. I find it hard to find the right place to put her and I think that you done a good job with her. Here's a picture that I'll like to use when I write down Anthro Ponies stories or just Mature stories, it might help you with later chapter if you ever wanted to add breast sizes.
oi55.tinypic.com/6zy7o0.jpg
8865826
This is definitely gonna come in handy. I just was too lazy you look up breast sizes previously XD.
8867349
I don't blame you. This is what I like to do in my Anthro mature stories; Peasi plus Griffins are A-Cup, B-Cup, C-Cup and D-Cup for fast flying.
Unicorns are E-Cup, F-Cup and G-Cup
Earth Ponies are H-Cup, G-Cup and E-Cup
With rulers like Skystar, Luna or Ember being I-Cup
One more to go. Twilight is going to love this.
That last sentence reminded me of DBZ Abridged, to be honest.
8883008
And Rainbow hasn't shown up yet XD
8896846
Hehe, yeah you got me there. DBZ abridged is where I got it from
8897612
Want me to proofread and edit the story? There's a few grammar errors here and there.
8897617
Would you? That'd be great. The unedited chps?
8897621
If you want, I can edit the entire story.
8897627
Maybe just the unedited ones for now, I wanna give the other guy credit, wouldn't wanna make him mad. But you could go ahead and edit the others. think I could send you future chps before I post them?
Ok, the unedited ones it is.
Sure, send them. I do the same with Portal82.
8897663
Thank you for the help
8897696
No problem :D
Give me five and I'll be done with chapter 4.
This is just awesome....
Dude. Phrasing.