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Pre-Dawn

Meet young ponies Pizzamovies, Incendia and Twister breeze. Living a solitary life in the small settlement of Dustyhoof, Ruined Equestria.
Seeking adventure, they set out to discover the shattered world around them, and possibly the real coming of the end.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 1 )

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Arrenjay

Arrenjay #1 · Jul 4th, 2017 · · ·

Intriguing concept! Pez, Incendia, and Twister are not carbon copies of one another, which is refreshing, and the "war" of which they speak is explained just enough to keep readers--at least, myself--wondering what could have happened to this "Ruined Equestria."

There exist quite a few spelling mistakes, verb-tense issues, and capitalization/punctuation errors, such as:

This town, or more of a scattering of Ill-constructed hovels that resemble dwellings, sits nestled between these pines. A single dirt road snakes it’s way from the town’s center and through the pines and down the mountain side.

("Mountainside" is one word.)

This story just needs a general polishing; other than its technical flaws, it could also deal with less telling and more showing (especially in the beginning). Aside from a bit of tweaking here and there, this story shows promise and is definitely interesting.