Yummy Yummy
Well, shit. You just sold your very busy Sunday in exchange for... nothing, actually. As far as you know, you aren't getting paid to watch whoever the fuck Sweetie Belle and her two friends are. What were they called? Scooter Boom and Apple Two? Fucking pony names. But that first name, Sweetie Belle... Why does that sound so familiar?
You open your mouth to ask Rarity about it, but before you can say anything, an unfamiliar waiter slides up to your table, sweating profusely.
"Sorry about the delay," he nervously laughs. "Here are your drinks." He uses a wing to balance a tray of glasses, which he offers to each of you in turn. "Two apple juices and one iced tea with lemon, correct?"
"That's exactly right, thank you," Rarity smiles politely. "But I must ask, what happened to the last waiter? Silver Platter, I believe his name was."
The replacement waiter looks as if he'd been called to testify against himself in court. He wipes the sweat from his forehead with a shaking hoof, forcing himself to smile. "H-he, uh... had a th-thing. To go to. He had to go to a thing," he stammers.
You cut in before Rarity says something stupid about fashion or murder or some shit like that. "I'm sure it was very important and none of our business." You throw a meaningful glance to Rarity, who looks a bit green in the face from thinking about fashion so much.
A long, awkward silence passes, the only sound being Pinkie Pie slurping your apple juice through a straw. Her own glass is already empty.
"A-anyway," the waiter eventually says, "have you decided what to order? I can give you a few minutes if not."
"Oh, that won't be necessary," Rarity says, folding up her menu. "I believe we're ready now." She orders a French-sounding dish, probably a diet soup with whole-grain water—typical fancy person food.
The waiter jots it down in his handy dandy notebook, then looks at Pinkie expectantly. "And you, ma'am?"
"Nonny wants a fruit salad."
The confused waiter hesitates, looking to you for confirmation. You give a small nod, and he scribbles away. "Okay then... What about you, Miss Pie?"
"Do you guys have smoothies?"
"Pinkie," you groan.
"I'm just making sure!"
"No, unfortunately we don't have smoothies," the waiter responds patiently.
Pinkie somehow snaps without fingers. "Aw, nuts. I'll just have a daisy club, then."
"And can we get some more apple juice?" you ask, holding up the empty glasses.
"Of course." He nods, taking them with a wing. "I will return shortly." Once he's out of earshot, you decide to ask something that's been bothering you for the past few minutes.
"Rarity." The white mare looks up. "Exactly how old are the kids I'm supposed to watch? Because I can't do stuff like diapers or-"
You're cut off by bubbling laughter coming from your lap. "Nonny, you goober!" Pinkie giggles. "They're not in diapers. They're the same fillies you saw at the stream, remember?"
The stream? Oh. Those three.
You feel the air rush out of your lungs. A chill races down your spine. Your heart picks up its pace, trying to get in as many beats as possible before its inevitable death by filly.
"Oh," you breathe, unsure if your body can handle 300 ccs of adorable injected straight into your bloodstream.
"That's not going to be a problem, is it?" Rarity raises an eyebrow.
"Nope," you say evenly, screaming on the inside. "No problem at all."
As if sensing your discomfort, Pinkie wiggles around to face you, then buries her muzzle in your chest once more. You set a hand on top of her mane, your fingers sinking through the curls to lightly scratch her head.
Rarity is giving you that smirk again, but before you can call her out on it, she says, "I don't recall either of you mentioning your reason for going to Canterlot together." The smirk widens. "I must admit, I'm very curious."
You wait for Pinkie to answer, but she seems content to stay quiet and let you carry the conversation while she enjoys her head scratches.
"We're going shopping," you finally say. "Pinkie's idea."
Rarity's expression falls slightly, as if disappointed by your answer. She purses her lips, shifting her gaze from you to Pinkie. "That's it? You two are going to Canterlot together just to do some shopping?"
"Well, yeah. What else would we do? And it's not really shopping so much as browsing, since I'm not gonna buy anything."
"Not buying anything? In Canterlot?" Rarity gives a very unladylike snort of disbelief. "Of course, Anon. And Pinkie's a unicorn."
"I'm still not convinced that isn't true. I checked once before, but maybe her horn is hidden or invisible." It makes perfect sense to you. Magic breaks physics. Pinkie breaks physics. Therefore, Pinkie must have magic.
"Believe me, darling, we've looked. Twilight ran dozens of magical scans and found nothing. We even had Rainbow Dash explore every inch of her mane. She disappeared inside it. We didn't see her for an entire week."
What. How can she talk about someone disappearing into Pinkie's mane so nonchalantly? Surely she must be exaggerating.
"A week? How did she survive, then?"
"That's the funny thing. It was a week for us, but Rainbow swears she was only in there for a few minutes. She still thinks we were trying to play an elaborate prank on her."
That's... incredibly disturbing if true. But at the same time, it also seems par for the course where Pinkie Pie is concerned. You glance down into the mass of pink poof and realize your hand is completely engulfed by her mane. You stop scratching and slowly, carefully withdraw your hand from the sweet-smelling curls. You let out a small sigh of relief when you see all your fingers still attached.
A quiet whine draws your attention back to Pinkie. She's staring up at you again, her lower lip poking out a bit in the most gut-wrenching pout you've ever seen. Your hand immediately goes back to the top of her head, this time avoiding the bulk of her mane by rubbing between her ears, massaging the small muscles around the base of each one. Pinkie signals her approval with a low 'oooh', sluggishly turning around in your lap and resting her chin on the table to give you better access.
"Amazing."
You glance up to see Rarity wearing an expression somewhere between wonder and mirth.
At your raised eyebrow, she continues, "I've never seen her willingly sit still for so long."
"Yeah, she's usually a lot more... Pinkie, but I guess she gets sleepy when I... Uh..." When you what? When you rub her? What could you possibly say that won't make it sound weird as fuck? "When I do this," you finish lamely.
Pinkie either ignores the conversation about her or simply isn't paying attention, lost in the wonders of her ear massage.
Rarity's pleasant smile twists back into that fucking smirk. "So you... "do this" with Pinkie often?" she asks, gesturing in your general direction.
You know she's fishing for something with that question. Thankfully, you're saved from answering by the arrival of your food. You wrap an arm around Pinkie's barrel and lean her back against you so the waiter has room to set the plates down. She looks around groggily for a few seconds, as if coming out of a trance. By the time she recovers her senses, the waiter has already left.
"Welcome back to the real world, Pinkie Pie," Rarity teases.
"How do we know this world is real? Maybe we're all just dreaming, and we only wake up when we die." Pinkie blinks once. "Ooh, food's here!"
You sit there pondering the meaning behind Pinkie's half-asleep rambling. Maybe this world isn't real. Maybe it's all in your head, simply the fever dream of the universe's loneliest soul. Maybe-
Your internal philosophizing is cut short when Pinkie shoves a grape into your mouth. Biting down on the juicy orb, you forget what you were thinking about in the first place. Probably something stupid.
You reach your left hand towards your fork before realizing your position. Your right arm is wrapped around Pinkie's chest, your fingers absentmindedly tracing circles in the thick patch of fluff. Her plate is directly in front of her, and she's happily chomping away at her daisy-filled sandwich. Your own plate is in arms reach to the left of Pinkie's, but you can't eat when she's in the way like this. Not unless you feel like eating one-handed, and with your left hand at that.
You briefly consider letting go of Pinkie and moving her off of you, but then immediately dismiss such a ridiculous notion. It's not even worth considering, since she'll just crawl right back into your lap.
Right. There's no point in even trying to let go. Besides, she's soft.
You grab the fork with your left hand and start clumsily stabbing at the various fruits. More than once, you catch Pinkie trying to sneak a daisy or two onto your plate, despite your attempts at explaining why you can't digest them. Maybe. You don't want to risk it. At least you get to actually drink some of your apple juice this time.
You spot another daisy on the end of your fork. You boop Pinkie's nose and drop the flower back on her plate while she's caught up in her giggle fit. A wistful sigh catches your attention, and you see Rarity smiling and staring at the both of you again.
"Seriously, what are you staring at?" you demand.
"Oh, don't mind me, darling," she says, waving a hoof in a 'go on' motion. "Just pretend I'm not here."
You really want to question her further, but then you remember that she's paying for the meal. You spend the rest of the meal trying to ignore her staring and playing keep-your-apple-juice-away-from-Pinkie-Pie. You aren't very good at it.
The waiter comes by with a check, but Rarity snatches it away with her magic before you can see the price. You don't argue; you simply follow behind her as the white mare struts up to the podium at the front. She floats the check over to the stallion behind it and tells him to put it on her tab.
Once outside, Rarity turns to you and says, "I suppose you'll be off to Canterlot now?"
"Yepperooni!" Pinkie bounces in place excitedly.
"I guess so, yeah," you shrug.
"Well, be sure to enjoy yourselves properly. Canterlot is a special place," she says cryptically. "I'll have the rest of your outfits ready by tomorrow morning, Anon."
You smile awkwardly. "Thanks. I'll be sure to pay you back for them once I get my first paycheck."
"Pssh," Rarity rolls her eyes. "Please, darling, it's no cost to you."
"I appreciate the gesture, but I will be paying you. I don't want charity."
"Of course it's not charity, it's a gift," she smiles sweetly.
You narrow your eyes at her. "Touché."
"Indeed." She starts to walk away and waves over her shoulder. "Have fun!"
"Bye, Rarity!" Pinkie shrieks at the top of her lungs, despite the other mare being only a few steps away.
When you regain your hearing, you turn to Pinkie. "Ready to go?"
"Nope!" she grins.
"Why not?"
"Carry me!"
Not this shit again. You sigh and turn around, gesturing to your back. "Fine, hop on."
"Nu-uh!" Pinkie stubbornly shakes her head.
"What? What's wrong now?"
"Carry me like Rarity."
"...Why?"
Pinkie freezes, not expecting you to question her adorable demands. "Uhh... I dunno," she shrugs halfheartedly. "I just- It looked comfy. I guess." She starts pawing at the dirt, not meeting your eyes.
You can't handle her assault, instantly caving in and swooping her up into your arms. She automatically wraps her forelegs around your neck.
"Thank you, Nonny," she says, nuzzling your cheek.
You gently pat her poofy mane to the side so you can see. "Well? Is it comfy?" you ask.
"Mhm," Pinkie purrs.
"Better than your other spot?"
"No, but this is good for now," she says, hugging you a little tighter.
Staving off yet another heart attack, you start walking towards the tall spire marking the Ponyville Train Station, ready to face the horse capital of the world: Canterlot.
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Pinkie is the best reality breaking eldritch monstrosity from the darkest of pits *cough* I mean pony
Boy, do I love me a good dose of AnonxPinkie. I AWAIT ANOTHER CHAPTER!
Oh my god my heart needs more Pinkie. Her loving on me is too much for me to bear.
Aw~ She's shy about being called out.
I can not wait for more. This stuff brightens my day like nothing else.
everytime a new chapter comes out it just makes me wonder how soft pinkie is and it makes me wanna hug her
8397877
She is scientifically proven to be 3 soft
8397881
what does she do to stay so soft?
8397885
Yes
8397887
i knew it
Rarity ships PinkAnon. As do most of us.
I love this story. So friggin much.
I can feel the horse fuckery coming. be vigilant my children for once the pink party pony pleasure parade starts it shall be uncomfortably sexy for at least FIVE MINUTES stay strong.
AHHG MY FUCKING HEART MAN, DON'T PUT SO MUCH CUTE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER PLZ.
but in all honesty i fucking love it please continue c:
Anon is a whipped bitch
8398107
Check out Mr Marathon Man over here
8398133
did i strike a nerve my pink pony peddling friend ?
8398117
same tbh
8398152
what no my penis is huge who told you I have a small penis theyre lying
8398180
so you are saying you need a monster condom for your magnum dong?
this gave me pause.
now I'm in the middle of a reality crisis...
Clingy Pinkie is awsome.
I seriously ship Pinkie and Anon.
8398117
Psh! But he's got more mares than you.
9 Edible Flowers
42 edible flowers
Daisies and Dandelions are very healthy for you and are very good for your guts.
Are you trying to create mass murder. Well you are by this mass of cute.
8399054
Anon doesn't know this. But I totally did. Definitely.
8399130
Yeah, sure. I think I'm going to make this a topic for discussion in the cast tomorrow. 
8399054
Most people don't know that.
Then again, most people don't know how to program the VCR to get it to stop blinking 12:00 either... or even know what a VCR is.
If Pinkie had a VCR, would it always be blinking 12:00 because she knows what time it is anyway? (It's very important to know what time a party is after all)
I love it! And oooh Rarity... what are you thinking in that head of yours?
Good show!
8410292
Depends on the country. Most Europeans are aware, or used to be especially with things like dandelion wine.
Rarity ships it.
I didn't, at first. But now...
It's really growing on me...
Nice chapter! Pinkie is adorable
Exactly what I needed, cracking stuff
This stuff would send a diabetic into a coma it's so sweet lol. But then again this is Pinkie Pie.
9288763
Your diabetes logic confuzzles me.
should i be worried about the insults
I know I've said this ninety times already, but My Pinkie Plushie is incredibly soft so I would actually WANT her snoodling me.
This was good.
10317913
Snoodle (as defined by urban dictionary)
Warning, its kinda dirty
The act of an uncircumcised man stretching his foreskin over the penis-head of a circumcised man and then jacking the uncircumcised man off.
Dude, I had so much fun snoodling with you yesterday.
Wanna be my snoodle buddy?
10720699
Wth?
I know some pony models are usually re-used in the show a bit, but c'mon Rarity, it's hard to ignore the Element of Generosity who's practically got a desert dry throat that can only be wetted by the juicy drama between her friend and a human.