That Was Easy
Having completed the unholy ritual of selling your soul via Pinkie Promise, you remember why you came to Sugarcube Corner in the first place. You pick up Pinkie again and place her on the table so she's at eye level. She just blinks once with a confused smile on her face.
"So... About the party-"
Pinkie's front left leg shoots out and jams itself into your mouth, cutting you off. "Shhhhhhhhh! It's a surprise," she whispers.
You reach up and pull the surprisingly squishy hoof out. You briefly wonder why the hell it tastes like cotton candy.
"Wait, I thought that's why you wanted me here; to discuss the plans or whatever."
"No, silly!" She boops your nose with her other hoof. "I just wanted to hang out with you during my break! I mean, if you want to talk about the party, we can, but we'll have to do it in secret so it can be a surprise."
You can't tell if she's being serious. "It's not really a surprise if I already know about it," you slowly explain.
"That's what they all say," she chuckles evilly, twirling the fake mustache that you know wasn't there before. "Anyway," she throws the mustache over her shoulder, "I don't work on weekends, so we should totally go shopping in Canterlot tomorrow!"
"...For what? I don't-" You stop yourself from mentioning money. "I don't really need anything except food, and I can get that myself, so why bother going shopping?"
"Welllll, you might not need anything, but maybe you'll see something you like. After all, your house is so boriiiing. There's nothing but furniture in it. You need some knickknacks to make it feel more homey!"
"It's not boring," you mumble under your breath. There's plenty of things to do in your house. You can sit on the couch, lay in the bed, or sit at the table. When you're feeling especially adventurous, you sometimes stand in a corner and contemplate the futility of existence. Hell, just last week, you spent three hours staring at yourself in the mirror.
...Maybe going shopping isn't such a bad idea.
"Fine, but I'm not going to buy anything. I'm just going to look, okay?" You could get a feel for the prices of things and go back again once you make some money. Pinkie seems like the type that would just buy things for you if she knew you were short on cash, but you don't want charity.
"Suuuuure, Nonny. And I'm a unicorn."
Even normal unicorns can't do the things Pinkie does, so it wouldn't surprise you if she were some type of hornless one. Or maybe she does have a horn, but it's hidden somewhere in all that poof.
You reach out and pat her mane in various places, Pinkie giggling as if it tickles her. She lets out a small whine when you finish your inspection.
"Did you find a horn?" she asks eagerly.
"No."
"Awww."
That gets a chuckle out of you, and Pinkie's face lights up like a Christmas tree.
"You have a nice laugh, Nonny."
"Don't make it weird, Pinkie."
"Too late!" She springs into the air and lands on the ground butt first, bouncing off her tail and landing on her back hooves in a victorious pose. You clap politely as she takes a bow.
"Welp! I gotta get back to work now. Bye, Nonny!" She then back flips over the blue mare at the counter and skips into the kitchen. None of the other ponies seem to have noticed her antics.
You get up with a sigh. Without Pinkie's distractions, you no longer have a reason to stay. Walking to the front counter, you consider asking the mare if there are any job openings at Sugarcube Corner, but you decide against it. You're already exhausted from just eating lunch with Pinkie. You can't imagine the amount of energy it would take to work alongside her for multiple hours nearly every day. Instead, you buy two bags of coffee and walk back to your house. You get much fewer stares without your backpack.
After dropping off the coffee and making sure you look halfway presentable, you head out in the direction of Town Hall. Luckily, it's only a block away. Sometimes, you really love having a house near the dead center of Ponyville.
Walking through the entrance, you see the front desk piled high with various files and stacks of paper. There's nobody behind it, so you walk up to the mayor's office and knock on the door a few times.
"Come in~!" a pleasant voice calls out.
Opening the door, you immediately notice that her desk is completely bare except for the nameplate. Mayor Mare is smiling at you with a small amount of surprise.
"Hello, Anonymous! What can I do for you?" She seems oddly cheery.
"Uh, I was wondering if there were any job openings around town. I kind of-"
"You're hired!" she interrupts, holding out a hoof to you.
"...What."
The mayor looks confused for a moment before laughing. "I said you're hired, Anonymous. You can start next Monday." She is still holding out her hoof with an expectant look on her face.
You stare back blankly. You don't even know what job she is referring to.
"Thank... you?" You shake the outstretched hoof tentatively. She immediately hops out of her chair and trots out the door. Still confused, you have no choice but to follow her.
"Wonderful! My last secretary moved away to Manehattan two weeks ago, so you've got a lot of catching up to do." She gestures to the overflowing front desk. "This is your station. Let me know if you have any questions, alright?"
The pieces snap into place, but now you're even more confused.
"Wait, you've had no secretary for two weeks and you just let all of this pile up?" you ask incredulously. She also gets another free week before you start working. What the hell is wrong with this lady?
"Well, of course! My secretary was the one who told me which papers I needed to sign. Without her, I've had way too much free time on my hooves." She doesn't sound upset about that.
"...And you didn't think to sort through this stuff yourself?"
She laughs. "How silly, Anonymous! That's not my job, I'm the mayor," she cheerfully explains.
Oh, duh. That makes much more sense. How could you not see that before?
"Well... I guess I'll see you next Monday, Miss Mayor," you say while slowly backing away from the mountain of paper.
"Goodbye, Anonymous." Mayor Mare closes her office door behind her, presumably to fool herself into believing she's a good mayor that doesn't neglect her duties.
You really want to know how much you're getting paid to deal with this shit, but you can ask that question later. Hell, maybe she'll make you handle the employment papers and you can set your own salary. You'd like that, so it'll never happen. You don't get nice things.
Now that your nonexistent to-do list is complete, you start walking home. There's an existential crisis corner with your name on it.
I'm debating adding a comedy tag. Maybe.
I'll try making the chapters longer from now on. I couldn't write anything until today because I've been sick. 
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So... you weren't fine, but you're getting better?
...Sorry.
In all seriousness, glad you're feeling better. Gonna be interesting to see how Anon does with desk work.
8179890 that was awful
bravo
._. it's good that we have something in common.
I have four of those.
Well, that was easy.
...too easy.
Uh oh...
Nice!
I know the feeling... Sometimes you prepare a whole human for a group of friends but then they don't show up and you're stuck with it. The real problem is that human doesn't really last very well, and if your refrigerator is broken you're kinda out of luck. But I have felt sick in the same way from eating an entire human, and it really sucks, but it should get exponentially better in a couple of days. And then perhaps another update?
More, dammit. MOAR! I need more Pinkie love in my life.
My concept of Pinkie and human is different from yours. Mine is that the human takes care of a baby Pinkie when her parents are busy. They see each other as a sibbling and the human is acting like the big brother or sister to Pinkie. Yours seem them as regular best friends who would do friendly gestures to each other. They both seem to be more than siblings but less than romance. Know what I mean?
The surprise part of the surprise party is that Pinkie is spreading the party out over the course of days!
oh this is gonna be a good story to read so whens the next chapter coming out or is it a surprise like pinkies party
I have the feeling this is going to be a sweet and good story. I also hope you are okay again soon.
My aunt got a job like that once, she wasn't even looking for a job but suddenly the owner of a store saw her and hired her as a manager... which now that I think it was just a glorified clerk. It seems that the last one quit because of marriage.
After this chapter, it certainly deserves one. The absurdist kind.
I mean, I'm laughing, but it's a "the tragic nonsensicality of existence" kind of laugh.
Pretty good albeit short Anon story you have going, I enjoyed both chapters and an interested in seeing where it goes!
Legit made me lol.
I absolutely loved this bit.
soo... pinke is a demon now
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Now? She always has been.
Heehehehe, this is fucking adorable, and funny, nicely done Merr, nicely done
AWESOME
Sometimes I think it would even be more interessting to call him "nobody" or "pile of trash" instead of just anon.
crisis corner hurray
I hope this story goes long, or even if you have no more ideas for it, you add something once in the while when your original idea is finished.
Comedy tag yes.
"That's what Hitler said to America!" Is what pinkie would've said if the conversation was taking place on earth
why does this sound like me inside?? XD
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Why do people use the name Anonymous for thier stories in the first place though? Is it for the reader to self-impose themselves in the place of Anon?
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I still think second-person perspective makes the world at least 10% suckier.
I'm glad you did. I love those movies that have "Comedy" in the description, but if you watch the film with actual understanding, you realize it's actually a very deep, existential drama/tragedy, that only the foolish mistake for "comedy". Like, that Polish film about a burnt-out teacher that gets into scuffle after scuffle - and yeah, it's a funny caricature of the society as a whole, until you realize this man is in a deep existential crisis, having blown half his life away pursuing the tools for achieving happiness, only to realize that his life is so full of pointless things... there's no room for happiness, happiness is what you make it, and he's been focusing with extreme intent on everything but.
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It goes away with time.
It'll get replaced by a numb feeling of emptiness, but it'll go away all the same.
Thing is, this emptiness is much harder to notice, and you probably will by the time you're 50. But don't worry - by that time you'll have lots of time on your hands to consider it at length.
Buy a strong rope. Nobody likes a failure.
It's called the midlife crisis for a reason. Some of us just get it... earlier. Or maybe not...
And this is why the 'Comedy' tag needs to stay in. Precisely because this isn't a comedy.
The fuck did I do to earn 5 downvotes on that comment? xD
Was it the rope bit?
Also, it's nice to know that people don't accept you when you're feeling kinda like that... Falls perfectly in-line, I'd say. I could even go as far as to say that the downvotes are perfectly meta about the whole thing... You're depressed? Have you considered not being depressed? Yeah, sure.
And people wonder why I use scripts to replace every mention of the word 'friend' with 'acquaintance' on Facebook.
... Barely an Inconvenience (FOR YOU TO UPDATE!!!) (No seriously, please update this story)
I not familiar with the jobs and duties of the mayor, but I’m pretty sure that’s one of them,
This one line is an entire mood and it hit way to hard