• Published 18th May 2017
  • 22,213 Views, 897 Comments

You're Getting Better - 2Merr

Friendship is a give-and-take relationship. Fortunately for you, Pinkie doesn't ask for much, and she has plenty to give. Maybe it's time to start giving back.

  • ...

That Was Easy

Having completed the unholy ritual of selling your soul via Pinkie Promise, you remember why you came to Sugarcube Corner in the first place. You pick up Pinkie again and place her on the table so she's at eye level. She just blinks once with a confused smile on her face.

"So... About the party-"

Pinkie's front left leg shoots out and jams itself into your mouth, cutting you off. "Shhhhhhhhh! It's a surprise," she whispers.

You reach up and pull the surprisingly squishy hoof out. You briefly wonder why the hell it tastes like cotton candy.

"Wait, I thought that's why you wanted me here; to discuss the plans or whatever."

"No, silly!" She boops your nose with her other hoof. "I just wanted to hang out with you during my break! I mean, if you want to talk about the party, we can, but we'll have to do it in secret so it can be a surprise."

You can't tell if she's being serious. "It's not really a surprise if I already know about it," you slowly explain.

"That's what they all say," she chuckles evilly, twirling the fake mustache that you know wasn't there before. "Anyway," she throws the mustache over her shoulder, "I don't work on weekends, so we should totally go shopping in Canterlot tomorrow!"

"...For what? I don't-" You stop yourself from mentioning money. "I don't really need anything except food, and I can get that myself, so why bother going shopping?"

"Welllll, you might not need anything, but maybe you'll see something you like. After all, your house is so boriiiing. There's nothing but furniture in it. You need some knickknacks to make it feel more homey!"

"It's not boring," you mumble under your breath. There's plenty of things to do in your house. You can sit on the couch, lay in the bed, or sit at the table. When you're feeling especially adventurous, you sometimes stand in a corner and contemplate the futility of existence. Hell, just last week, you spent three hours staring at yourself in the mirror.

...Maybe going shopping isn't such a bad idea.

"Fine, but I'm not going to buy anything. I'm just going to look, okay?" You could get a feel for the prices of things and go back again once you make some money. Pinkie seems like the type that would just buy things for you if she knew you were short on cash, but you don't want charity.

"Suuuuure, Nonny. And I'm a unicorn."

Even normal unicorns can't do the things Pinkie does, so it wouldn't surprise you if she were some type of hornless one. Or maybe she does have a horn, but it's hidden somewhere in all that poof.

You reach out and pat her mane in various places, Pinkie giggling as if it tickles her. She lets out a small whine when you finish your inspection.

"Did you find a horn?" she asks eagerly.



That gets a chuckle out of you, and Pinkie's face lights up like a Christmas tree.

"You have a nice laugh, Nonny."

"Don't make it weird, Pinkie."

"Too late!" She springs into the air and lands on the ground butt first, bouncing off her tail and landing on her back hooves in a victorious pose. You clap politely as she takes a bow.

"Welp! I gotta get back to work now. Bye, Nonny!" She then back flips over the blue mare at the counter and skips into the kitchen. None of the other ponies seem to have noticed her antics.

You get up with a sigh. Without Pinkie's distractions, you no longer have a reason to stay. Walking to the front counter, you consider asking the mare if there are any job openings at Sugarcube Corner, but you decide against it. You're already exhausted from just eating lunch with Pinkie. You can't imagine the amount of energy it would take to work alongside her for multiple hours nearly every day. Instead, you buy two bags of coffee and walk back to your house. You get much fewer stares without your backpack.

After dropping off the coffee and making sure you look halfway presentable, you head out in the direction of Town Hall. Luckily, it's only a block away. Sometimes, you really love having a house near the dead center of Ponyville.

Walking through the entrance, you see the front desk piled high with various files and stacks of paper. There's nobody behind it, so you walk up to the mayor's office and knock on the door a few times.

"Come in~!" a pleasant voice calls out.

Opening the door, you immediately notice that her desk is completely bare except for the nameplate. Mayor Mare is smiling at you with a small amount of surprise.

"Hello, Anonymous! What can I do for you?" She seems oddly cheery.

"Uh, I was wondering if there were any job openings around town. I kind of-"

"You're hired!" she interrupts, holding out a hoof to you.


The mayor looks confused for a moment before laughing. "I said you're hired, Anonymous. You can start next Monday." She is still holding out her hoof with an expectant look on her face.

You stare back blankly. You don't even know what job she is referring to.

"Thank... you?" You shake the outstretched hoof tentatively. She immediately hops out of her chair and trots out the door. Still confused, you have no choice but to follow her.

"Wonderful! My last secretary moved away to Manehattan two weeks ago, so you've got a lot of catching up to do." She gestures to the overflowing front desk. "This is your station. Let me know if you have any questions, alright?"

The pieces snap into place, but now you're even more confused.

"Wait, you've had no secretary for two weeks and you just let all of this pile up?" you ask incredulously. She also gets another free week before you start working. What the hell is wrong with this lady?

"Well, of course! My secretary was the one who told me which papers I needed to sign. Without her, I've had way too much free time on my hooves." She doesn't sound upset about that.

"...And you didn't think to sort through this stuff yourself?"

She laughs. "How silly, Anonymous! That's not my job, I'm the mayor," she cheerfully explains.

Oh, duh. That makes much more sense. How could you not see that before?

"Well... I guess I'll see you next Monday, Miss Mayor," you say while slowly backing away from the mountain of paper.

"Goodbye, Anonymous." Mayor Mare closes her office door behind her, presumably to fool herself into believing she's a good mayor that doesn't neglect her duties.

You really want to know how much you're getting paid to deal with this shit, but you can ask that question later. Hell, maybe she'll make you handle the employment papers and you can set your own salary. You'd like that, so it'll never happen. You don't get nice things.

Now that your nonexistent to-do list is complete, you start walking home. There's an existential crisis corner with your name on it.

Author's Note:

I'm debating adding a comedy tag. Maybe.

I'll try making the chapters longer from now on. I couldn't write anything until today because I've been sick. :pinkiesick: