A devoted fan of MLP: FiM and an avid writer who wants to show his ideas to any of those interested to see, as well as wanting to the works made by others on this site.
Gabriel, a self-aware robot who's goal was to help and entertain chronically ill human children was a victim of unfortunate events that left him and his creator; his dear mother-figure, escape to the world of Equestria. Separated, alone, and afraid, the Royal Sisters, along with Twilight and her friends, aid their new visitor to adapt to the new environment he was thrust in as they gain his trust and create bonds, while searching for his 'mother' in the process.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good start i wonder what happens next
Mote: a Speck, often an Eye iritant.
Moat: a channel filled with water or or other liquid substance used to defend a city, or castle.
Please use the correct one.
If Gabriel does not need to breath, then he is at the bottom of the Moat. Any Motes on him have been washed off.
8081449 Well, that's embarrassing. I made the correct edits now, but I'm sure I missed a few mistakes as I looked through it. I'll just look it over again later.
8081394 Thank you for taking the time to read this! I appreciate it. 8D
8081585 your welcome
Please continue
8086103 I shall. And thank you for taking interest in this. ^w^
I like the concept, but the robot design is somewhat flawed for what designers go for when planning on human interaction. If I was a terminally ill child, a robot with no mouth and a single eye would not be something that would be allowed near me. Other than that, nicely written.
I'll admit, when I read the synopsis, I didn't think this would be my cup of tea, so to speak. I found the execution much more interesting. I like the fact that you didn't spoon feed all of the information. There are still quite a few questions. One thing I'm not sure about, and I think it's okay at this point, but I have no idea who your main character is yet. Not a bad start.
I like the bits about Luna, although I have to agree with your assessment of the royal guards. They really don't listen. Them being defensive and trying to capture the creature at first made perfect sense. They are soldiers, and soldiers don't like unknowns. The part where their lack of listening really bothered me was in the market place when everything went nuts. But again, not a bad beginning. I'm curious to see where this goes, and I appreciate that you have let suspense build. One thing that has been done well is a bit of tease. Teasing your audience with an unknown is a very good thing. You eventually want to give them what they want, but you have to make them wait. The tease makes it fun. Thanks for sharing, and write on, my friend!
I love it!
8544693
Thank you very much for the comment! 8D
8544726
You're very welcome!