• Member Since 23rd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 6th, 2021


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Twilight has been losing sleep over a terrible dream; her friends come to her aide, or do they?

This was a short one shot I wrote almost on a whim as I was in school. I'm currently working on typing up a beast of a story but I don't want to start that one until finals are over, so here's this little tale to keep my brain fresh until then, enjoy!

This one's certainly open to lots of interpretation!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

>Check your formatting, a lot of it is all over the place.
>You say it's a one shot... it's pretty short, and it says 'chapter one', so is it?

Other than that, it was ok.

#2 · Dec 3rd, 2011 · · ·

Short, sweet, but begging for an expansion. The only problem with expanding it is the bigger odds of grammatical errors, and being accused of "padding it out," or putting in too much filler. That said, you should only expand or continue it if you feel like it, or if it gets a lot of comments asking for one. Definite 4.5.

#3 · Dec 3rd, 2011 · · ·

This could be expanded upon.


This is what I get for trying to type it directly into fimfiction, my usual plan of action is to write it in a notebook, proofread it, type it, proofread it, then submit it. This one went right from my notebook to the website, I may fix it up, most of the mess came from the dialogue indentations, thanks for the input!


Fixed the chapter thing as well, don't want to confuse people more


Yeah, it probably could be expanded upon, but you're also right in that it would end up being filler. I have a rough draft for a 10000+ word tale that is my next goal, but college is kicking my ass and I don't want to botch it. Ugh! To make a long story short *cue rim tap* this story is brief for a reason, if enough people think it needs improvement I will probably work on it, I'm glad to see people interested but I don't see this expanding a whole lot. :rainbowderp: ironically I wish I had let this sit a little longer, but as they say, "they can't all be zingers"


I love the ending, wrapped up the whole thing nicely.
If there's one little criticism I have, it's just that I never got to find out what :raritydespair:HE:raritydespair: was. Other than that, love the idea, nice characterization.
's the kinda story I can get into: nice and short, but interesting enough to hold my attention.

EDIT: And yeah, I think it could definitely warrant an expansion, if only to use it as an inspirational rapture. Series of little stories, maybe... then you add a common thread between the dreams and you have a big bad guy on your hands...

...I let that get out of hand. Forgive me. :P


No good criticism can get out of hand! :rainbowlaugh: Thanks for the comment, it reminds me that people actually read stories that aren't new or dominating the front page. To respond, I wrote this as simply a vignette, a brief glimpse into a little story. The problem I have now is that I have roughly 15k of one story written up that I can't seem to finish (school is my excuse but I think i'm just worried that my first attempt at an OC is a gary stu and I can't continue with the plot), plus another rough draft that needs to be typed up and expanded! I guess all this isn't really meaningful, I very well could expand this story, but I think I just need the motivation to finish all the other things I started before I can cross this bridge. Thanks for your interest though, you'll be the first to know if I get around to a continuation!

imho, you shouldn't worry if you think your character is a gary stu. I mean, the worse possible thing that could happen is that it gets a negative reception. Then, it just serves as a learning experience. Chances are, though, you're just being too critical of yourself, and everything will work out. I mean, 15k words is pretty deep into a story, and that shows some dedication. If you put a boatload work into something, someone's gonna get something out of it. Now, that's not really a rule to live by, see Sonichu and various other long-winded fics that are terribly written failures and shameful wastes bandwidth, but most of those rabble have unforgivable premises and worse writing. I don't know what your story's about, but you're not a bad writer, so far as I can see.

Maybe you could just find a good stopping point towards the beginning and post the first chapter. Might give you a means to test the water, so to speak.


Hmm, that's not a bad idea, I do think I will wait until school ends, but maybe its about time to break it into chapters. Thanks for the input, I feel like I can do this now, haha :rainbowlaugh:

No problem, man! There's nothing worse than a story dying in the womb.:twilightsmile:


True dat, to work! :rainbowdetermined2:

I rather liked the vagueness of this... it lets the reader form their own ideas about it.


I'm glad to hear it! I'm usually torn over whether my writing actually achieves it's goal. I think perhaps that my stories read more like screenplays, which can be good or bad, but it does make me doubt the quality of my writing. Ach, i'm rambling, thanks for reading!

I like the story, really, I do, but... How did this get accepted? It's less then one thousand words long!

Eons ago, the laws of the universe were wild and free, and extremely short stories could be written by writers everywhere.
I think I wrote this story in 2011.

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