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Fluttershy's Fateful Walk

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Comments ( 4 )

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Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #1 · Mar 8th, 2017 · · ·

"Butt licking"? Is that even a thing?

Flutternight

Flutternight #2 · Mar 8th, 2017 · 2 · ·

8004916 Yup. It's when you lick someone's butt.

Zpothu

Zpothu #3 · Mar 8th, 2017 · 4 · ·

It's kind of simple and Fluttershy was unconscious for most of it, so there wasn't too much to get into. I think that your emphasis on painlessness pads it a bit; pain can still be fun. On the more nit-picky side, your emphasis on stating that she was fearful was telling and not showing, which could cause the reader to feel that fluttershy is not getting the right beats in the right places. Let them interpret her experience in their own way. Overall, all of this can work better, you just have to write it in a sexier way. (I'm bad at this myself.)

Flutternight