Autumn Breeze has been having dreams she can not explain with some help from Twilight and her friends she may be able to find out the meanings behind her dreams.
Authors note: this is my first try at writing a fan fiction so if you have any critism try to make it constructive eh? :) but anyhooo i hope you like it everypony this is in 1st person pov.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Different I hear you say well it works slightly like the Everfree Forrest clouds move, weather changes, animals care for themselves and the plants grow...all on their OWN!
No comma breaks make this look like it's a run-on sentence, a proper Fix (darn it, I hate that pun!) would be...
'Different?' I hear you say. Well, it works slightly like the Everfree Forest, clouds move, weather changes, animals care for themselves, the plants grow, ALL ON THEIR OWN!
This entire segment could do with comma breaks and a bit of grammer checking, this introduction is a good start however, so with a little work, this might turn out good.
920629
thank you for your input I will try harder to punctuate my work properly that has always been my downfall it's either been too many commas put some full stops in there or not enough punctuation i can never do things right
Yes, you seem to have problemos with punctuation. A good tip is to read it aloud and to place commas nearby the areas where you pause to take a breath. Then, add a period for every one or two commas. Don't go "different I, hear you, say" etc.
1338989
Thank you for your comment like i said i try my darndest with proofreading for punctuation but i will try harder and i will try what you suggest
1345775
It's no problem really, I had the same problem as well. But I'm bring mucho the careful nowadays. I honestly think its a good story.
1345918
thanks dude i honestly thought no-one liked it 