This is the tale of the battle between Princess Celestia, dictator of the Solar Empire, and Princess Luna, leader of the New Lunar Republic.
The story begins about a year after the conflict began, and chronicles both the tales of Princess Luna and her forces, and the story of Pinkemenia Diane Pie and her P.A.R.T.Y. mercenary team.
I'd like to thank three people for giving me use of their OC's for this story. (These are their usernames on Fanfiction.net, 'cause that's where I know them.)
1)- GreenRing-Saran Bloodcolt
2)- Wiggedy- Gizmo Sonolta
3)- Omega445- Airis
Chapters (11)
Shows promise. keep up the good work mate
Thanks!
I can't wait for more!
Looks intresting :D
1831291
thanks for feeding my ego. XD
OK this is kind of uncanny but did Pinkiamena's design come form this? s3.amazonaws.com/bronibooru/fb56dfcb5889a59c91752d677389aa34.png
Ha Ha I likr the fact that Gizmo's insult took a while to get through
And it's good to see Pinkie cares for her men
1939580It did have some inspiration from that for Chapter Three. But from Four onwards, I drew up a sketch that's on my DeviantArt profile.
1939580 You mean (referring to her weapon) the flamethrower ripped straight from tf2? I'm not saying tf2 came up with the design, but the person who drew that pic sure as hell based it off of that
Also, nice to see a story concept as original as this here on fimfiction amongst all the side-fics and cupcakes spinoffs
AWWW YEAH SPITFIRE!!! A short but sweet chapter and I don't mean to be a spell checking Nazi but there are a few errors. Anywho looking forward for more XD
1946559 Thanks, man. that means a lot.
1946613 Yeah, sorry it's short, but I wanted to get SOMETHING out there.
1946559 mmmm yeah I did notice that a little just thought it was a bit uncanny with P.A.R.T.Y in the top corner and pinkie with a flamer... that's all ^_^
That...was... awesome...
keep up the good work Please make moar!
2054491 Next chapters more P.A.R.T.Y.
2055603 images.teamtalk.com/08/09/800x600/Allsport-Andy-Murray-Fist-Pump-ay-10-US-Open_1167760.jpg
AWWWW YEAAAAH
That last line was a dagger, and I think it struck home.
From a writer's stand point, I think that the battle portion needs a little more detail to the actions that Luna is performing. I like the style of how you discribed her movements, however I think that imagery would do you some good here. It would also make the chapter a tad longer. These are just my thoughts on it. I still enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to new chapters. Keep up the good work.
1000Fights
2122454 Many thanks. It's always great to get constructive critcism.
2122925 No problem
Good to see you're still doing this I almost thought you gave up
2199967 Nope! still plugging away for you, devoted reader!
I intend to see this story all the way to the end.
he he this chapter was short but sweet. Looking forward to moar... plz make moar...
oh and...
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4036-dat_plot.jpg
Ooh, dat last line.
So... There was a disturbance in the force?
Also, did she just shoot down Pinks? Dayum son...
- Ron Perlman, Narrator of Fallout 1, 2 and 3
But at the same time...
- David Hayter, voice of Solid Snake
2330089>>2330130 See, you would think someone would catch those references.
But no one does.
Well, at least you did.
The more awkward the better.
2357556 XD
What the fuck, man?! Why?! Why do ya gotta do me like that? WHY DO YA GOTTA DO ME LIKE THAT?!?!
2673212 Judging by that reaction, that chapter did to the reader as I intended.
2673233
You're a fucking genius! I just realized that with the element of Loyalty dead, it would personify what is happening to Equestria. Loyalties are spilt and brother will kill brother in a gruesome conflict that of which Equestria has never seen.
Well played, my friend. Well Played.
2673259 Little bit. But she's coming back later.
But yeah. Ish.
2673275
I knew I could count on you. I just knew it! You and GentlemanJ, man. You and GentlemanJ.
2673292 Thank you, kind sir.
2673331
No problem, bro. Keep up the good work.
2673349 No prob.
Now, to get featured on the front page....
1820003I'll have to read this man it seems pretty cool
2678344 Thank you!
2678376yea it seem interesting and it has a bunch of positive comments
and what group are you on to troll searchers I wanna check it out
2678406 If you want to countertroll with me, you must first learn the correct way to countertroll. Every troll has a weakness. This one seems to dislike it when you spam him with shit that makes no sense at all, like "Hold me in your flabby nipple hairs!" This causes an almost instant ragequit on his part. thinks like purposely messing up which pony is which also seems to get him to ragequit. (Strangely enough)
Every time you make the troll ragequit, you win. We're not trolling, where you want to make it drag on and on, we're countertrolling, where you simply want to piss off the troll to the point he quits replying. If he makes you angry (I.E., rustles your jimmies) and you are simply falling victim to him, he wins.
Make sense?
Nipple hairs #1
The amount of rustled Jimmies is TOO DAMN HIGH.
Not sure about this one.
Ok man I'll be honest I've read alot of books and this was pretty good so far the grammar had a couple flaws here and there I would recommend to anyone who likes war-torn adventurous books/stories but I would like to see a bit more description and a bit longer chapters but other than that I loved it and think u should totally keep up the good work!!!
2683456 Thanks!
Chapters will get longer now that I have the time to put a bit more meat in them.
2683465great!!
yeah summer time is the best!
2683487 Ain't it?
2683505>>2678486Of course and I'm bout to pass out so Imma hit the hay night
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Trials of the Republic
Grammar score out of 10: 5
Pros
The violence does not include ponies.
Luna is one of the good guys (or gals as the case may be.)
It's humanized
Cons
The text wall is difficult to read.
Luna still speaks in plural.
Difficult to understand what's going on if you're unfamiliar with previous Lunar Republic lore
Notes Section
I like the beginning, so I guess I'll have to follow it and continue reading. Just try to put more spacing in between paragraphs, it looks like a biology dictionary vomited. Too few spaces.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: The Magic of Music it's a parallel series but in the same universe.
2687591 Thanks!
The spacing is much neater on Fanfiction. This site tends to rape my formatting when I post stories. XD
Derp face
"Fuck."
2707361 What?