Opening Up

A stallion (Stalwart) comes to Ponyville after long travels and a troubled past to rest.

After stopping a mugging he meets someone who wants to get to know why he tries to keep to himself and doesn't want to discuss his past very much. Will she be able to help him after saving her?

Chapters (3)

Chapter 1 · 4th Jul 2012 · 1,517 words
1,517
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Chapter 2 · 11th Jul 2012 · 1,641 words
1,641
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Chapter 3 · 2nd Sep 2012 · 2,077 words
2,077
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Comments ( 11 )

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Daxisle

Daxisle #1 · Jul 6th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Gave it a like simply because i'm a sucker for the "silent and emotionally closed guy opening up" type of stories. But there are a few things i would like to point out: There are a few places commas would be neccesary, (it's still easy to read, but the flow is a bit daunted.) There are are a few ways to make the verbs flow a bit better,

"Walking out of the alley Stalwart was able to get a better look at her. She was looking down at the ground but he was able to see she was an earth pony as well and had a white coat and pink mane that covered a bit of her face. Her mane had been disheveled from the mugging" ; <--- This thing is the most hated key i know of, but it works wonders,

Walking out of the alley(;) Stalwart was able to get a better look at her. [She] ^The rescued mare^ (Gets a better picture on who "She" is) was looking down at the ground but he was able to see she was an earth pony as well and had a white coat and pink mane that covered a bit of her face. Her mane had been disheveled from the mugging

Good story, would like to see more.