A stallion named Faded Glory finds out his sister has been kidnapped by a front named The Dawns Shadow. Will he adventure to find his sister?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 15th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 7th, 2013
GuyDaBoomster
Just writing fics tell me how you like them
GuyDaBoomster
Joined 15th Jun, 2012 ·
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Hope you guys like this fic Im sorry about my first fic I was simply being lazy so I wont make this 4 chapters and ill have better grammer.
Tell me what you think! Any comment is fine I wanna learn from YOU to fix my fic if something is wrong.
Okay, its an interesting premise and for that I salute you.
However... and this is a comment that I recieved when I first started writing fanfiction which has helped me out. It's a little too... chatty. From what I can see there's a little too much in the way of speaking line after line after line in the latter half of your story thus far.
I'm not saying this is a bad thing mind you, obviously that dialogue was required... what I suggest is some descriptive parts in between or at the ends of each characters speech. As someone who's written speech line after speech line in a fiction before I could guess what the motions each character was going through during the scene, the visuals per say...
And there were at some parts where you forgot the speech marks during the lines. If possible, add slightly more description about each characters reaction to events. For instance when Vinyl randomly offered to help, I imagined Twilight raising an eyebrow or something to show that she was curious/suspicious about this pony randomly offering help to find a kidnapped pony... Just a thought.
Like I said this is an interesting premise and I look forward to seeing how far this goes even with it being a random thing that you're just coming up with. I hope that through this you can improve your skills as a writer
804760 Thanks I did wonder while writing this fic Why the heck would Vinyl randomly wanna help Fade and I was worried if anyone would notice because when i realized I did this it was already in for moderation. But thank you for realizing this I will try not to make another mistake.