I am hopeing that you all enjoy my fanfic and hope you keep reading mine and others
What happen when Derpy has starts to kill ponies and she know what she is doing, She just wants Revenge on those who did her wrong But what if this wall all a dream? what if it is not real at all and she is just imaging all this in her head...Read to find out and hope you enjoy it
Page generated in 0.054 seconds
Total duration
908 users online
399,975 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I have to say, it's not bad for a first. I would say that the pacing, in my opinion is way too fast. Make sure you capitalize every name, cause you always write Derpys name lowercase. If Derpy is unhappy being bullied, than why does she go and kill a random pony? Unless you mean every pony in ponyville bully her. I also feel, that maybe you should provide a bit more background to these events. Maybe the event that set her off maybe?
Make sure you capitalize your sentence beginnings
thank you i will fix that later