Now, I Only Fall for Rocks

by CrispySparrow

Now, I Only Fall for Rocks

Now, I only fall for rocks.
Not stallions, even if they look cute in socks.

To see if, that would be my affair,
I have even tried my hoof at a mare.

To me, all their love could not compare,
To the one, who was before, there.

He left me, a long time ago.
The one whose love, is so hard to forgo.

I had only found my Boulder,
Because I was forced, to grow a bit older.
Unlike the first, he is not a good holder.
Holding him, causes me to grow colder.
But beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.
Though I find myself longing for that familiar shoulder.

When Pinkie Pie was just born,
As a young mare, I was learning to adorn.

When that young colt danced into my life,
I did not know one day, I would be his wife.

I remember the first day, when we met,
Just before, I got caught in his net.

I remember I was walking,
And at the ground, he was there gawking.
While staring, back and forth, he was rocking.
And I remember, I found that shocking.
And at first, my tone was mocking.
But very soon, we started talking.

I asked him, why he was so fond of rocks.
He looked at my legs, and ask me the same of socks.

"I don't know I just like them I suppose,"
They are my favorite kind of clothes."

I again asked, why he liked stones,
and he replied, "They are the earth's bones."

"They are the earth's bones," I repeated what he said.
I repeated what he said, as if my brain was dead.
I said what he said, caused me to feel unread.
It had made me feel simple, and very white bread.
I did not yet know, that we would be wed.
When I invited him, back to my homestead.

Now you have heard, the start of it all.
Sooner we can get, to the part where I fall.
As we approached, I heard my mother call,
"Who is that there with you, doll?"
She came out, wrapped in her shawl.
And in her voice, was present appall.

"You are too young, to have a boyfriend!"
"Now it is alright, if you only pretend."
I got upset, though she meant not to offend.
"Now mother, you misread what I intend,"
"This colt here, is only a friend,"
"I will not be following, the neighborhood trend."

I did not know, that then I had said a lie.
I did not know, how soon I would cry.
I did not know, how soon I'd ask why.
I did not know, how soon I'd wear black tie.
I did not know, that beneath that grey sky,
Is where to him, I would say goodbye.

Now this was before my voice was bland,
Before it possessed, the texture of sand.
This was before, alone I had to stand.
Long before life, destroyed our plan.
My mother asked him, his opinion of our strange farmland

He looked at her, with awe in his eye.
And to her, he did reply,
"Praise Celestia, Mrs. Pie!"
"It is so pretty, I could almost cry!"
"If I worked for you, happy I could die!"
To that, my mother could only sigh,
And nod her head, as she said aye.

So that is how all that began,
Long before my stare was deadpan.

That is how he came to work our land.
Soon, my heart would be stolen by that farmhand.

At first, my father did not like him.
As always, his outlook was grim.

But as with all things, he eventually agreed,
He would never feel the need to impede,

Like a frog pulled to waters by fish from the reed,
Our love sprouted from its mundane seed.

Many moons passed, Pinkie and my sisters had grown,
So too did the love of me and my own,
Not to mention, my new fondness for stone.
I trembled with love, right down to the bone.

I had taken new interest in our land,
Day after day, we worked on the sand.

I labored beside the one I loved deep,
Soon neither of us had secrets to keep.

When he asked for my hoof so could wed,
I could not see the darkness that lie ahead.

So I said yes, of course, of course!
How could I say no to my handsome horse?

For you I would fight a great force!
We are not like others, we will never divorce!

The saddest part, is that wasn't a lie.
Now we come to the part where I cry.

We had been wed for a moon,
It was a quiet day in June.
We toiled there upon the dune,
The day he was taken from me too soon.

I was weary from such toil,
Breaking rocks upon the soil.

With work I was too preoccupied,
Perhaps if I had opened my eyes wide,
Perhaps then I would not have cried,
Perhaps then he would not have died.

The rocks falling, I did not hear,
But my love, for me, he was near.

He pushed me out of the way,
So that under the rock, he would lay.

I love you, I love you, my stone, my stone,
I love you always, right down to the bone.
These last words he said with a groan.
Just like that, my diamond no longer shone.

There before me, our hooves together,
My love's life was cut from its tether.

I will never forgive myself,
I will never again have wealth.

But perhaps the cruelest prank,
The mark of my lover, that appeared on my flank.

For so long I had no mark,
But my talent still had me in the dark.

Until a couple years down the road,
the meaning, I was then showed.

When my Pinkie Pie nearly met her fate,
But on that day, I was not late!

I lept into the air,
The wind blew through my hair.

Almost as if he was there with me,
My lover who was now free.

My hooves met the stone,
Tremors through my limbs shook me to the bone.

The rock before me then crumbled,
I did not stagger, I had not tumbled.

This time my focus had not fumbled.

Perhaps if before I had not witnessed fate,
Pinkie would have lost her life on that date.

And you know what happened after, too,
for you have watched it, through and through.

So to my lost love I am greatful,
Despite the fate that was painful.

So here is why I now only fall for rocks,
Never stallions, despite how they look in socks.

Comments

[Admiral Biscuit]

Adorable and sad, and a poem to boot!

I love it.

[CrispySparrow]

7500908

Thanks so much!

[EmberLight]

Very lovely, just one mistake

These last words he said with a groan.
Just like that, my diamond no longer shown.

Should be shone
Other than that, a very nice poem to read!

[CrispySparrow]

7500939

Fixing it, thanks for that!

[CrispySparrow]

7500973

I'm gonna quote you on that :)

[CrispySparrow]

7500982

*Squeals*

[Calaxy]

This sir, is the most wonderful poem I have ever laid my eyes on.

[CrispySparrow]

7501124

Sir?

[CoffeeMinion]

Aww, this is sad, but fun in a way, and quite good.

[OddOneOut]

Oh... i thought i didnt need to cry today. Shoot.

[CrispySparrow]

7501218

I'm sorry :(

I cried while writing this if that makes you feel better

[Briarpelt]

Hmmm... are you open to constructive criticism?

[dimensional rift_13]

I think i just died of feels

[CrispySparrow]

7501308

As long as it goes past "Oh I just don't like it", and if it is something that I can actually fix that goes beyond just be better at writing.

Details are excellent and helpful

[Briarpelt]

7501335 The thing that stood out to me most was the meter. Your poem doesn't seem to have a set structure besides "have the lines in the stanzas rhyme," so it's a little hard to get into the flow of it. Most poems are entirely free-verse--no rhyme or rhythm whatsoever--or they have a distinct structure, with a clear rhythm and rhyme scheme. The length of the stanzas is consistent, or if it varies, it varies predictably (for example, having two individual couplets and then a three-line stanza, followed by another two couplets, followed by another three-line stanza, et cetera).

Other than that, there was really only one thing that bothered me--the commas in the middle of almost every line, placed where they don't need to be grammatically. Here's an example:

Now you have heard, the start of it all.
Sooner we can get, to the part where I fall.
As we approached, I heard my mother call,
"Who is that there with you, doll?"
She came out, wrapped in her shawl.
And in her voice, was present appall.

In this stanza, there are several commas placed where they shouldn't be. In the first, second, and sixth (last) lines, there are unnecessary commas. I would guess that they're there to sort of guide the reader in the rhythm of the poem, but that's grammatically incorrect. They're being used like a slash would be used in prose to indicate the line breaks in quoted poetry, for instance, "Now you have heard, the start of it all. / Sooner we get, to the part where I fall." If you want to divide the lines for the rhythm that the commas indicate, you should probably just do this:

Now you have heard
The start of it all.
Sooner we can get
To the part where I fall.
As we approached,
I heard my mother call,
"Who is that there
With you, doll?"
She came out,
Wrapped in her shawl.
And in her voice
Was present appall.

Yes, this looks much longer, and you'll note that I divided up all of the lines to keep it consistent. If you don't like that, I'd suggest simply omitting those commas:

Now you have heard the start of it all.
Sooner we can get to the part where I fall.
As we approached, I heard my mother call,
"Who is that there with you, doll?"
She came out, wrapped in her shawl.
And in her voice was present appall.

There are also several grammar errors scattered throughout the poem, but I believe they result from rearranging the sentence structure so that everything rhymes. As finding those rhymes gets easier (and it will; I know from experience), so will fitting the sentences to convey your ideas with good grammar. Besides, when it comes to poetry, a lot of authors throw grammar out the window anyway.

That's all! I hope you found this helpful. I really like the story itself.

[CrispySparrow]

7501395

This was exactly what I needed! Thank you!

I have alot of issues with the general structure of written things, and at some point in the future I will probably attempt to edit this so it is more rhythmically correct

[Briarpelt]

7501418 Glad I could be of help!

[TripleOscillator]

Simply beautiful, or beautifully simple?
Nope, this is both.
Thanks for writing this lovely poem!

[keulan742]

This is beautiful, and sad. My feels are confused, and I loved this poem!

[Kikio3000]

Awwwww! :') :'(

[tyrantnyx]

This poem was truly one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. It made me sad like I haven't felt in a long time. It was a great pleasure reading this.