your brain is dirty and must be washed
Once upon a time, I did not like rocks.
In fact, I was more of a fan of socks.
But very soon that would all change
Upon the visit of one who was strange,
My heart and my life, how he rearranged.
"Adorable and sad, and a poem to boot! I love it."- Admiral Biscuit
"Holy s**t, this is the best poem I've read in a long time."- Eppie Genetic
""A fine tale, one that shouldn't be taken for granite." -HuffandPuffington Post."- sevenofeleven
Page generated in 0.11 seconds
Total duration
878 users online
624,116 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Adorable and sad, and a poem to boot!
I love it.
7500908
Thanks so much!
Very lovely, just one mistake
Should be shone
Other than that, a very nice poem to read!
7500939
Fixing it, thanks for that!
7500973
I'm gonna quote you on that :)
7500982
*Squeals*
This sir, is the most wonderful poem I have ever laid my eyes on.
7501124
Sir?
Aww, this is sad, but fun in a way, and quite good.
Oh... i thought i didnt need to cry today. Shoot.
7501218
I'm sorry :(
I cried while writing this if that makes you feel better
Hmmm... are you open to constructive criticism?
I think i just died of feels
7501308
As long as it goes past "Oh I just don't like it", and if it is something that I can actually fix that goes beyond just be better at writing.
Details are excellent and helpful
7501335 The thing that stood out to me most was the meter. Your poem doesn't seem to have a set structure besides "have the lines in the stanzas rhyme," so it's a little hard to get into the flow of it. Most poems are entirely free-verse--no rhyme or rhythm whatsoever--or they have a distinct structure, with a clear rhythm and rhyme scheme. The length of the stanzas is consistent, or if it varies, it varies predictably (for example, having two individual couplets and then a three-line stanza, followed by another two couplets, followed by another three-line stanza, et cetera).
Other than that, there was really only one thing that bothered me--the commas in the middle of almost every line, placed where they don't need to be grammatically. Here's an example:
In this stanza, there are several commas placed where they shouldn't be. In the first, second, and sixth (last) lines, there are unnecessary commas. I would guess that they're there to sort of guide the reader in the rhythm of the poem, but that's grammatically incorrect. They're being used like a slash would be used in prose to indicate the line breaks in quoted poetry, for instance, "Now you have heard, the start of it all. / Sooner we get, to the part where I fall." If you want to divide the lines for the rhythm that the commas indicate, you should probably just do this:
Yes, this looks much longer, and you'll note that I divided up all of the lines to keep it consistent. If you don't like that, I'd suggest simply omitting those commas:
There are also several grammar errors scattered throughout the poem, but I believe they result from rearranging the sentence structure so that everything rhymes. As finding those rhymes gets easier (and it will; I know from experience), so will fitting the sentences to convey your ideas with good grammar. Besides, when it comes to poetry, a lot of authors throw grammar out the window anyway.
That's all! I hope you found this helpful. I really like the story itself.
7501395
This was exactly what I needed! Thank you!
I have alot of issues with the general structure of written things, and at some point in the future I will probably attempt to edit this so it is more rhythmically correct
7501418 Glad I could be of help!
Simply beautiful, or beautifully simple?
Nope, this is both.
Thanks for writing this lovely poem!
This is beautiful, and sad. My feels are confused, and I loved this poem!
Awwwww! :') :'(
This poem was truly one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. It made me sad like I haven't felt in a long time. It was a great pleasure reading this.