This account has been adopted, reimagined, and adapted, and is now under the benevolent supervision of K. & [REDACTED] with contributions from The_CLaUD. Its previous owner is totally not one of them.
"welcome home twilight... we've been expecting you..."
twilight is stuck here... no one else is there... only the monsters... what did she ever do... she cant leave untill she faces the truth... but she belongs here... with us... in silent hill...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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ohhhh i love these games. cant wait to dig into it
Copied, pasted, reading tonight. Should be a fun... What like, 4 mins. Lol at four hundred wpm reading speed.
okay, you rate it on the story, not the grammer, so stop complaining
807385
No, you rate it on everything. Storyline is only one small bit that makes a good fiction.
Also, mature. Delete comments that criticise your work. You'll make it far in the writing community.
Hmmmm, an interesting atmosphere to be sure,
But not bone-chilling, as that should be its nature
Your story is slightly lacking in fine detail
And now it is for me to say whether it pass or fail.
You should ponder more on environment description
As this is the focus of the game, I consider it duty dereliction.
The chilling if vague environment made the game so scary
But the details are sprinkled light over the story, 'haps by a fairy?
It does me much good to flex my rhyme
All I ask is: more detail next time.
Though it makes my cheeks turn a bright red hue
You've inspired me, in rhyme shall always be my review
For you, I write this rhyme, you alone
As my skill at rhyme, I practice, I hone.
I hope you enjoy my short exercise
In expanding my mind's already vast size
I hope to do this again, good sir, only for you
As I review your next chapter: silent hill part two.
809832 My good sir, i review many, many a story
though in rhyme, that is the highest glory
i may, soon, some day read your material
though right now I'm busy with the Tartarus High serial
I will roll on through your rather fascinating library
though that will make my schedule get a wee bit hairy
i think, for Magma vein, i can spare a moment or two
here, I'll read it, I'll review it, just for you.
i love it when my stories have many a word
twenty thousand a night, for me, is not absurd
i will take a look at this story, I will start
admittedly, i chose it for the cover art
all I ask is that you, Crunch, turn off your mature filter
read MY story, though in terms of normality, it's a bit off-kilter
it's all about a great, no-holds-barred battle
please ignore the dialogue, it's honestly pointless prattle
it was designed to showcase my ability to write
fight scenes and weapons designs, just a mite.
in fact my designs for large, bladed weaponry
have worked their way into at least one story
i ask that you read this violent, over-dramatic tale
as i read one of your works, and give it my pass or fail
good day, sir, I've enjoyed my time
perhaps I'll speak with you, when next I rhyme?
The story is a good idea but it lacks in very many areas.
1. The one thing that irritated me the most was the grammar issues that were constantly in the story. It seemed, however, that many of them were the same as before.
2. Description is key in any good story. A lesson I learned is to show you're story, not tell it.
3. It seemed that many areas could have gone into more depth as the time passed on through the story. So make sure in a revised copy to add in some more minor details about the event.
4. Another thing that I saw was that there were to many ...s. some are fine, especially in dialogue, but don't over use them, it makes the story lack structure.
Other then those, there are some minor convection errors but they are minor in this case so I won't state them. It was a good read, if somewhat distasteful considering I wanted to read for a few. Just work on some of the errors that some of the constructive criticism is stating and your story should be fine.
I am a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge fan of Silent Hill. This seems promising, I hope to see my favorite Mane pony survive through the hellish world.
Keep up the good work