my home... in silent hill

by K_and_REDACTED

Her last lesson

A letter... in the dead of night... never a good sign... twilight unrolled the scroll, and read by the light of her horn,
My dearest twilight, come at once, you are in grave danger. Please, we have no time! -Celestia.
Whatever it was, it was bad. She woke spike, threw some things into her saddlebag.
Twilight ran full tilt to the train station. Once she arrived, she paid 10 bits for an express ticket to Canterlot.

---

The train ride was actually quite soothing, the steady -click-click-...-click-click- of the train almost lulled her to sleep, but just as her eyelids fluttered shut, she heard the loud roar of the train whistle... the -click-click- was now a -thunk-a-thunk-a- then a huge jolt, she screamed as did the other ponies, they could hear the engineer scream
"NO BREAKS! THE STEERING’S 'BROKE AND WE GOT NO BRAKES"
The train flew past a turn, and popped off the track, now they were skidding wildly across a field, the passengers tumbling over each other. Twilight felt a sharp pain on the back of her head... then... blackness...

---

"oh... where is she?" Celestia paced across the room, anxious for twilight to come
"Tia," Luna asked, for the twentieth time, "what is troubling you so much?"
And for the twentieth time she replied,
"It doesn’t mater, what matters is the gets here, fast."
maybe it’s too late... maybe it already happened Celestia thought
"Perhaps i should send another letter?" she thought aloud, just as a letter appeared...
Dear princess Celestia,
Thank you for your help, twilight will be arriving with us shortly. I'll be sure to tell you how she fairs.
-SHSM&CAB
She looked horrified, depressed, and enraged at once, then she reread to be sure she had read it correctly, then crumpled it and tossed it to the floor
"Damn it!" she shouted and raced out of the room

---

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE READING: listen to this while you read the next part: right-click on link and click 'open in new tab' -click- now you may continue.

Twilight opened her eyes, and was almost instantly hit by a splitting head ache. As her vision cleared, she was surprised to find herself in a train... but it was not so much the fact that she was in the train, but that the train itself, was completely unharmed, as if the crash had never happened. Then another detail struck her; she was alone... the train was abandoned... she looked out her window, she saw... a train station, as dead as the train... no life... save, a plant or too. She tried to stand, fell, sat up, looked at her front hooves, and gasped. She had no hooves... she instead had... what was it called... hands. She looked down to see that she was not a pony... she had feet... but she had... shoes? And a skirt... and a blouse...
"I must be dreaming..." she said aloud... "Either that or I’m..." she did not finish, she could not bring herself to say what was very likely the case. She was most likely... dead...
Slowly she stood, using her arms to steady and balance herself. She looked into the small cubby next to her seat, to find... a bag... it seemed to be made for a... a whatever-she-was, to wear on their back...
She looked inside it (though it took her a moment to teach herself to use them, her newfound hands, were much more efficient than hooves for picking things up) and she found... a book... a blank book. She flipped through the book... blank as the cover. She placed it in the bag... and it made noise, she pulled it out, it now said: Twilights Journal
"...I must have gone mad" she said, then she put the bag, on her back, and, slowly, as she was still getting used to being a... whatever-it-was, she left the train. The book made a sound again. This time, the change was inside the book. she opened it, and it simply said: tasks:
1.) Figure out what happened

---

Celestia stormed into a grand meeting hall
"how dare you!" she said, as the heads at the table turned.
"Ah, Celestia, I'm guessing you got my letter?" said one of the people
"I cannot believe you Samael!" she said, to the one of the members of the group (CAB), slamming her hoof on the floor, causing the ceiling to shake.
"Now Celestia," said one, an old man "whatever is the matter?"
"he," she said pointing a hoof at Samael, "sent one of my subjects to... well you know."
"So?" the old man asked
"so, i was not informed until it had already been done!"
"And? You’ve never cared before?" he questioned her
"I think, she may like this one... a little more than she lets on..."
"SHUT UP SAMAEL!"
"Now Celestia-"
"YOU TOO JEHOVAH!" she said, referring to one of the many names used to describe the human 'god'
"Samael, did you not send the letter to Celestia regarding a selection?"
"I did"
"then what is your problem?" the human god asked
"it was sent," she said, "but not until it was too late for me do anything."
"Well then, it seems we have a new mater to discuss."

---

Twilight had been walking for hours, and she seemed to have gotten the hang of walking. She also had found a map, which she placed into her journal. However, she could not shake the feeling... she was being watched... then... she heard a sound... and it attacked

Comments

[JetN]

ohhhh i love these games. cant wait to dig into it

[s00perguy]

Copied, pasted, reading tonight. Should be a fun... What like, 4 mins. Lol at four hundred wpm reading speed.

[K_and_REDACTED]

okay, you rate it on the story, not the grammer, so stop complaining

[Fenwolf2003]

807385

No, you rate it on everything. Storyline is only one small bit that makes a good fiction.

Also, mature. Delete comments that criticise your work. You'll make it far in the writing community.

[s00perguy]

Hmmmm, an interesting atmosphere to be sure,
But not bone-chilling, as that should be its nature
Your story is slightly lacking in fine detail
And now it is for me to say whether it pass or fail.
You should ponder more on environment description
As this is the focus of the game, I consider it duty dereliction.
The chilling if vague environment made the game so scary
But the details are sprinkled light over the story, 'haps by a fairy?
It does me much good to flex my rhyme
All I ask is: more detail next time.
Though it makes my cheeks turn a bright red hue
You've inspired me, in rhyme shall always be my review
For you, I write this rhyme, you alone
As my skill at rhyme, I practice, I hone.
I hope you enjoy my short exercise
In expanding my mind's already vast size
I hope to do this again, good sir, only for you
As I review your next chapter: silent hill part two.

[s00perguy]

809832 My good sir, i review many, many a story
though in rhyme, that is the highest glory
i may, soon, some day read your material
though right now I'm busy with the Tartarus High serial
I will roll on through your rather fascinating library
though that will make my schedule get a wee bit hairy
i think, for Magma vein, i can spare a moment or two
here, I'll read it, I'll review it, just for you.
i love it when my stories have many a word
twenty thousand a night, for me, is not absurd
i will take a look at this story, I will start
admittedly, i chose it for the cover art
all I ask is that you, Crunch, turn off your mature filter
read MY story, though in terms of normality, it's a bit off-kilter
it's all about a great, no-holds-barred battle
please ignore the dialogue, it's honestly pointless prattle
it was designed to showcase my ability to write
fight scenes and weapons designs, just a mite.
in fact my designs for large, bladed weaponry
have worked their way into at least one story
i ask that you read this violent, over-dramatic tale
as i read one of your works, and give it my pass or fail
good day, sir, I've enjoyed my time
perhaps I'll speak with you, when next I rhyme?

[Shadowstalker1287]

The story is a good idea but it lacks in very many areas.
1. The one thing that irritated me the most was the grammar issues that were constantly in the story. It seemed, however, that many of them were the same as before.
2. Description is key in any good story. A lesson I learned is to show you're story, not tell it.
3. It seemed that many areas could have gone into more depth as the time passed on through the story. So make sure in a revised copy to add in some more minor details about the event.
4. Another thing that I saw was that there were to many ...s. some are fine, especially in dialogue, but don't over use them, it makes the story lack structure.

Other then those, there are some minor convection errors but they are minor in this case so I won't state them. It was a good read, if somewhat distasteful considering I wanted to read for a few. Just work on some of the errors that some of the constructive criticism is stating and your story should be fine.

[TimeRarity64]

I am a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge fan of Silent Hill. This seems promising, I hope to see my favorite Mane pony survive through the hellish world.

[Theclockmaker]

Keep up the good work