• Member Since 4th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Sarah1993


T

Wonderbolts are in Appleloosa and who else but Braeburn knows the Captain. But when her coltfriend seems too be hiding something who's going to tell Spitfire the truth?

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 6 )

Great start on the story. Not rushed. :pinkiehappy: When's the next chapter?

“Well, yeah.” Rainbow Dash said sitting up and bouncing in her seat, “But this is the first time I’ll see them in Appleossa!”

Appleloosa

“Uh, yeah,” Spitfire started to explain, still somewhat in shock, “We go way back. I was born in Phillydophia and moved to Cloudsdale when I was ten. Braeburn was my best friend.”

I think it is supposed to be Fillydelphia.

7158180 Thanks:) I'm hoping to have it come out Wednesday, I still have a few things to fix. The next chapter is my favorite so I hope you stick around:)

7158265
I'll be waiting for the update. I'll always stick around, don't worry. :twilightsmile:

Sorry, forgot to tell you this.

She jumped, startled to hear her own name “Huh?” She searched around quickly for the culprit, who happened to be none other than Spitfire, captain of the Wonderbolts. She put her hoofs up to her face and squealed. “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!” She realized that she was fangirling and causally as possible, meaning totally awkwardly, stretched her hoofs out in front of her “I mean uh, hey Spitfire, long time no see”

And I think what you're trying to say is casually. Causally means of, constituting, or implying a cause.

“Nice to meet you Braeburn. The names Soarin.” He said shaking his hoof.
“And I am Money Bags, Spitfires colt friend”

1. name's (or name is) I am not really sure if name's is correct
2. Spitfire's

Nice story, although I suggest you get an editor for grammar and punctuation. And the paragraphs are a little awkward, too. Please, don't take this the wrong way:raritywink:

Well this is a pleasent fic so far. I'm not gonna badger you with grammer or anything since I can read it just fine, but I'm liking what I see. Some SoarinJack and tiny bits of MacDash, and some BraeFire. Haven't seen the last one before so that's interesting to see.

So I'm guessing Money Bags dates mares to get their money before leaving them. If so, well, at least Mac and Braeburn know. If they let Soarin know too before doing anything it might help. But how do Mac and Braeburn know, but not AJ? Isn't AJ the one who knows the ins and outs of her family the most? How could she not recognise the name? And Money Bags is kinda stupid for agreeing to go to the Apple's homestead since he apparently dated a pony called APPLE Strudle.

Still liked and faved though. :pinkiehappy:

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