It's been a year after Twilight ruined the Great and Powerful Trixie representation she's become broke, homeless, and worst of all friendless and now she's out for her revenge and nothing is going to stop her from taking her life back. (This is my first fan-fiction so don't expect the best)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I can only assume that this whole thing was intended as a joke.
787
It actually wasn't, but it was his first story so give him a break eh?
I thought it was okay; Lots of grammar errors, typos, and mediocre sentence structure. I look forward to your future stories, just make sure you read over stuff before posting it!
790
Thanks Obi, I'll try
In that case, make sure you space into different paragraphs, which is currently the biggest flaw I see here.
Always look over what you write and see what needs to be fixed.
797
What do you mean by space into different paragraphs?
798
Read other stories for an example. You have everything jumbled up into one massive mess in chapter 3, and it's not spaced out very well in chapter 1. Basically, you don't want a big giant mass of text. You have to space it out to make it look nicer and be easier for the reader to read.
Oh, and you might want to get into the habit of breaking dialogue into new lines. Helps the reader keep track of who's talking and when.
798
had the same problem too when i was starting out. the story was good.
just remember this if someone gives you crap about your work: "...as long as an author writes from their soul and works hard at it no matter what their circumstances, you can never make anything that others won't like"
A good friend help me out when i wanted to give up on writing. i'll always remember him.
805
Thanks for the criticism, i'll make sure i do that next time
809
Thank you i'm glad you liked the story, and thank you for the quote as well :)
The story had a good idea, but it has a few problems.
Length: Stories don't have to be long but this one went too fast for the idea it had.
Grammar: Needs to be seperated into more paragraphs, like everytime somepony talks, and just needs a quick skim through to find spelling errors.
Okay first story, could have been a bit better.
Aside from a few grammatical errors, I enjoyed it! :3
wat