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Winning her heart

When one pony falls in love with a timid mare, he tries his best to win her heart. Problem is, he's to shy to approach her. Will this pony find the courage to approach her, or will she reject him and his love?

Chapters (3)

Day 1 · 17th Apr 2016 · 567 words
567
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Day 2 · 17th Apr 2016 · 941 words
941
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Day 3 · 11th Sep 2017 · 1,095 words
1,095
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Comments ( 5 )

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The Bricklayer

The Bricklayer #1 · Apr 18th, 2016 · · · Day 2 ·

Okay, a bit of helpful hints. First thing I would do, would be to put spaces between your paragraphs...

Like this. Secondly, I would suggest making your chapters longer. Mind you, I have no real room to talk about this, but I still suggest it though.

mtf0330

mtf0330 #2 · Apr 18th, 2016 · · · Day 2 ·

I agree with Brick, try to make your chapters longer, go a little more in-depth, if you know what I am saying. Such as setting, surroundings, situations, feelings etc.

BronyZone