Changes: Mane 6 find where Dan lives and conversation with CMC and ending changed
Day Three
Nothing much happened, worked a little more on my camp. I roped off an area to cut wood and cleaned up some of the dead trees around the camp. I didn't lose too much of the forest canopy, so it was still just as hard to see me from above. I mostly just fiddled with the tank, learning how to use the turret, I still haven't fired the cannon. I've haven't had to eat the MREs much, mainly thanks to fishing and wild berries I found.
In the early afternoon, I heard three voices from the path nearby. I was far enough in, that it was difficult to see me, but close enough to help anyone who walked by. They were the same voices from yesterday. I sat there listening to the conversation.
"Ah'm telling ya, Zecora has to know The Guardian, they both live in the Everfree" one said, I've never seen a house out here, then again I've been here for only for a couple of days.
"How do you know? He could live underground for all we know. If he's avoiding everypony in town, why would he be friendly to her?" Another pointed out.
"It kinda makes sense they both live in the Everfree" another, slightly higher pitched voice said.
"Yea, if he ran after killing those timberwolves, I doubt he would talk to Zecora" the second voice said. That was the last I heard as they kept walking to wherever this Zecora person lives. That was the last major event of the day, so I fell asleep in the driver's seat again that night
Day Four
I kept cleaning the underbrush, I found some blue plants on the western and northwestern edge, so I'm staying far from there. Fuck this planet and its Avatar shit. I heard several pairs of feet walking through the forest nearby. I froze up. Whoever it was was walking towards me, I scrambled up the nearest tree and hid in there. The six ponies with the princess yesterday walked in.
"Hello?!" The purple one called "Anypony home?"
"This isn't a home dear. Not even a wall!" The white one said
"She's got a point there Twi." The cowgirl said "Not why we're here, but still."
"But Mr. Bluejay said this is where he is." The yellow one said
"Maybe he's in this thing!" The blue one said and flew over to my tank. She lifted a hatch and stuck her out in. "Hello! Anypony home?" She stuck her head back out, "It's empty."
"Where could he be?" The purple one groaned "Maybe Zecora has seen him, c'mon girl!" She said and I watched them leave. I let out a deep sigh and climbed down.
Day Five
I woke up to a near pitch black sky, I don't know how it works here, but that usually means a flood fit for an ark launch. I (foolishly) went and explored the forest more for most of the day. I found more bushes with wild berries, I left them on the bushes because I didn't have a way to carry them back.
I returned home sometime in the evening, I lit a fire to serve as some sort of light in the forest. I just hope I don't attract any unwelcome guests. I heard the leaves on the trees rustle, I tuned it out thinking it was the wind. I was wrong. The rain came in sideways and heavy, I grabbed my stuff and ran for the tank. I was in there for several hours waiting for it end or pause, it slowly began to die off. I fired up Devil Dog, and turned the lights on to survey the damage, a lot of new fire kindling was on the ground.
"Look girls, there's somepony ahead! We're saved!" I heard a familiar voice say. I knew I would have to come out eventually and it looks like now is the time.
I saw lights coming from the far side of the clearing, I saw the same three ponies(?) come out. They looked at me and were confused about who I was and why I don't look like them.
"Who are you?" Asked the orange pegasus
"Im Dan. " they seemed awe-struck by me, which would make sense, considering I'm not from here.
"Thought I would look more like you three?" I asked them, they blush out of embarrassment.
"We didn't know what you were mister" said the white one.
"Don't worry about, what are your names, by the way"
"Ah'm AppleBloom" said the yellow normal one
"I'm Scootaloo" said the orange pegasus
"And I'm Sweetie Belle" said the white unicorn
And we're the..." They started to say
"Oh wait that right we have our cutie marks" said Scootaloo as they blushed.
"What's a cutie mark?"
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CUTIE MARKS ARE!!" they yelled at me
"Yeah, different planet and stuff"
They chuckled sheepishly and rubbed their necks. Sweetie Belle explained "A cutie mark is a symbol that represents a ponies special talent"
"So how do you get them? And so whatever it is is what you do for the rest of your life?"
"They magically appear on a pony's shoulder and hips" she continued, rolling up her sleeve to show me hers. She has a purple music note with a shield like background. AppleBloom has a purple apple with the same background and Scootaloo has a purple lightning bolt and the same shield.
"Are they all purple and have that background, and what do they mean?" I asked them
"No, we got ours at the same time, mine is for speeeed" Scootaloo explained, dragging out speed
"I have a good singing voice"
"And Ah'm gonna work on mah family's apple farm."
I nodded "You seem to have a good idea of your futures. Better than I ever did."
"What do ya mean by that?" Apple Bllom asked
"Humans don't have magic or fly naturally, we can fly with the help of machines though. You girls know the way out? I'll help get you all home real quick. I said
25 minutes later
"So they can move the sun and moon!? How is that possible?" I half shouted, the girls were explaining the world to me. I was right about them being ponies, there were unicorns, pegasus and earth ponies, where are normal ones.
"Yea, humans can't?" AppleBloom asked
"Remember when I said humans don't have horns or wings and cannot do magic nor control the weather?"
"Right"
I kept driving in silence, paying attention to the path. I was still waiting for questions about the tank, but none came yet. I arrived at the edge of the forest, stopped and killed the engine.
"You all ready to head home?" I asked They just nodded. We climbed out and walked to the forest edge. Walking towards us was the same six girls from yesterday and a man with red fur and built like a steroids user. I looked at them and they looked at me.
"Reckon you're all here for them?" I asked, pointing at the girls.
"You bet." Betty-Sue replied "Thank ya kindly for watching them."
"No problem, it's my job, kind of, to help civilians."
"You're a Guard?" The purple one, Twilight I think, questioned.
"No, Marine. Think Army, but with training for landing on beaches."
"You ever fight?" Big Red grunted.
"Two combat deployments to Kandahar Province. What about you?" I looked him up and down, he could handle the SAW like a pistol. "Army would love a man your size." He shook his head no, unless their head gestures were different. I have to get out and soon, didn't want the locals reporting me to their own army. "It's been nice talking but I've got to go. I have some stuff to handle."
"Like what?" Possibly Twilight asked. I ignored her and climbed back into my tank.
i vote for option A dan would have far more adventures with the mane six.yea it would be nice to see a panther or mark4 or even a pershing.just acouple not to many too ruin theuniqueness of having humans and tanks in equestria. once again thank you for this great story! well done!!
I like both A & B That is a hard choice for me to make.
I like (B) because it involves him joining the Royal Gard (I have not seen very many people do that in their stories) I just don't really care about the war part.
Is there a way to mix both A & B together?
PS. I like this story so far.
Door 2 Johnny! And have him stationed in ponyville. Might I also suggest that the German tank be a Tiger or King Tiger.
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I was thinking those, but I think they may be overkill and they were mechanically unreliable
You have some great ideas in this, but your too fast on most of the story.
1. Like how everyone already called dan the guardian for no reason yet.
2. Whats up with them being so calm and chill? Add some action! Some FREAKING THE FUCK OUT! Also this kinda goes against what you said in the first chapter cause celistia said he looked very similar but not the same.
3. What's up here? One, they shouldn't know he is from a different planet, imagine how we react, we would think they are from somewhere far away that we haven't seen or heard of and would only remotely think they're alien, he was said to look very similar to them.
4. Again, need an editor... It's "mean" as in, what do they mean?
5. They have phones but act as the tank is some advance machinery? Do they have very selective technology for some reason? No vehicles?
6. They have USD there? No one else in our world calls currency dollars unless they're talking about American dollars. Also needs period.
7. Doesn't make much sense... They were already there, right?
8. This whole sentence is fucked up...
And to answer your question, I don't really think 'A' would be good, but 'B' would be... fine. I would kinda prefer him to stay to himself for a while longer, simply because, he doesn't understand what the hell happened, or this world, and the people have no idea who he is; (other than the crusaders now).
All this is advice to make this story better and more enjoyable, while making you a better writer.
7124093 Yeah
7116058 If that happened to me, (being transported somewhere else then attacked) I wouldn't even mind.
Yeah needs more interest and details. You could drag this out. Add the mane 6 or someone walking through looking, they hear a roar of something, the ground starts to shake and the trees rustle before a massive metal beast comes crashing through and running past. Details man, lots and lost of details that's what makes a story.
vote for A
Vote A, But keep the idea of other Tanks joining in and some larger conflict.
A
He should be in a special branch of the militairy. He should be his own commander and perhaps have some ponies work under him if you put him in their militairy.
Good job on this chapter, but remember that improvement is an eternal process.
As for the options you have listed in this thing, I have to agree with your previous comments as well as those of others that have spoken.
Option A means that there could be portion of slice of life as well as adventure(with all the violent glory thet tanks can offer)
Option B however would give closer look as to how Equestria would function, since military is one of the cornerstones of any state, thus he would gave more contact with princesses. It would also mean that other beings would be interested, as alien tech is not exacty something that happens to pop out in equestria(or is it?)
Therefore I propose a compromise between the two with added bonus: bring only one or two tanks in. This way you can give everyone more character development and hilarious situations depending of their personalities:
"Have you ever driven these things?"
"Only in World of Tanks"
As for the tanks, my vote goes to Stug III, easy to maintain and operate, as well as Icon on its own right.
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1. No regrets
2. Some action is coming up in the next chapter
3. Dan said he is from a different planet (I realized I should have added something to show he said that)
4. Fixed
5. A tank and a car are way different
6. I slipped up on that
7. They were outside of Ponyville
8. Bullet casing 'hold' the bullet. If you watch a war movie, the parts that come out the side of a gun are the casings.
7126810 It's great to see you respond. And yes, I know what bullet casings are, the sentence was just a bit, everywhere. lol
Wait, what??! *uncontrollable breathing and cringey laughing* I'm not saying that it's kinda cringey but, is this an AU of yours? That's what I assume to fanfiction in this website nowadays.
I also thought about voting for bringing in tanks but I realized it was only WW2 era type. So no Abrams.
EDIT: Oh wait, Anthro. Fuck me.
oh and do a JS-III for the russian
7366863 don't forget the classic kv-1/2/3 and T-150 heavy Soviet tanks
He has an end war Sherman, so I guess the time frame is mid to end war tanks? T 34/85 & T-44/100 comes to mind for Soviet and Panther I & II for German.
And I vote for B. A just doesn't seem to work, unless mane6 adventure is at least somewhat militaristic in nature.
7426782 KV-2 is a failure. It doesn't work at all in real life.
7428826 the KV-2 works it is just very slow turret turn rate
7428826 you abviusly don't know history
7428826
You know a single kv-2 once stalled the german advance at a crossroads for 3 days
7124157
In Canada our currency is called the Dollar, and we do call it the dollar, or a Buck, also there is the Australian dollar, the New Zealand dollar, the Jamaican dollar, the Cayman Islands dollar, the Fiji dollar, the Namibian dollar, the Rhodesian dollar, the Zimbabwe dollar, and the Solomon Islands dollar.
This is pretty good