Becoming Your Own OC

Shy Marble Pie #1 · Jan 30th, 2016 · 4 · · Day 0 ·

Ever land on a television show half way over?- You have no idea what is going on, but the characters keep giving hints to another story and it just feels like a huge inside joke?

This is that....In fiction form.

The start was well...rushed and flat.

You start a scene and then just abandon it!-I'd point out the lack of scene building and landscape development here...But it's over so quickly I mean should I even acknowledge it?

Then here comes the " Scene Change." I say this because it just kind of happened....no build up nor a true description ...it just happens.

Celestia then says she did this once before?-I thought I'd go and read that tale first and maybe this would make more sense, but no there is just this story.

Referencing another story which doesn't fill in any blanks, if anything causes more questions.

The lack of pacing and detail just makes me feel loopy.

I'd jump into Story, Character Development and World building.

But I just won't...

I'm not saying this to be mean or anything. I only give review comments when I truly find something that catches my eye, I want to give tips that might help you out later.

Imo stories have five points they need to hit, doing this will ensure a great story no matter what the content.-You will at least leave with a smile, knowing you might just find a fan somewhere out there.

Pacing.
Detail.
Character Development.
World Building and...
Story!

Work on finding these and crafting a world to be enjoyable by the reader!

It will take a lot of time and practice, but in the end will go a long way.

Example.

Pacing: A story needs to flow on a even scale, can a story have perfect pacing?-Very rare. The trick is to find a nice balance to tell your tale with. Go too fast and you cause the reader to feel confused and meh. Go too slow and the reader gets bored.

Take your time and keep a nice balance between, What needs to be said, world building, character development and what needs to happen. Practice and you will figure it out.

Detail: This is important!- give us detail to the story, this is not just a tool to say what someone is wearing or what the character is feeling. It can be used to create a world!!!- bring us into the story, let us feel we are being brought along on this adventure the characters are having.

Be careful too much detail can hurt a story, again find the balance.

Character Development: This is a big one!!!!- Develop your characters- who are they?, what type of person are they? what motivates them? why should we care about them? -Build your character!- it takes time and most people find this boring and like work, why so many write about pre-made characters such as the mane six. If using a Oc be prepared to build the character and not just jump into the fray. Because if you don't care about your character, why should we?

World Building: A huge mistake a lot of writers make is that they think the world itself is not a character. Wrong!-The story should have three at most imo world building locations you will place a foundation and build upon. These places once chosen, you should bring life to them!!!

Give us history of the place, show us its quirks and most of all tie your story to each part, it's alive and now let us know why!!

Last Story!- This is the overall goal of a story, it involves a big one again known as Plot!- A plot is a problem setting up what is the goal, the story will follow this theme or outline and lead to the conclusion. While the story is the travel part of the tale, using each step above to build upon the start,middle and ending!

A good story needs to be crafted with care, if you fail to use at least 75% of the things needed to create a tale, then it will never lift off the ground.

This is the hardest to do, but if you love your craft then practice and grow better!

As this story is now.-I'd say it is not using at least 85% of what a story should use. overall leading to a story that feels flat.

I'm not being mean at all!- I think you need to just polish this story up and work on the craft a bit more. No story at that a first story will be perfect!-But a first story is a great time to hit the ground running!

Build upon what you have and just have fun, all the while trying to improve what you have at the moment.

I clicked on this story because I felt it had promise, I hate that people think Oc stories are just auto-bad, I think with care they can be great pieces of work that can show us something magical!

I'd be happy to help you two when I can, I get a bit busy but if you ever need someone to look over your story, In a creative way I mean, I'm hit and miss with grammar points.

But can build a fair story!- I'd be able to help build the characters and give tips from a creative story point to make the tale better. If interested just let me know.

But again I'd still like to see where this goes. That said I'm following and bookshelfing this story. I want to keep a eye on it and see where it plays out.

DJ-Mad-3

DJ-Mad-3 #2 · Jan 30th, 2016 · 1 · · Day 0 ·

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Holy crap! That was... quick.

Constructive critique: pace it. And maybe a bit more description.

DJ-Mad-3

DJ-Mad-3 #3 · Jan 31st, 2016 · · · Day 0 ·

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6888150

I did. Nice improvement. Though, I have to ask: when Celestia says she froze time, shouldn't they worry that they'll age before they go back? After all, they didn't know they were going to become theirs OCs.

Shy Marble Pie

Shy Marble Pie #4 · Jan 31st, 2016 · · · Day 0 ·

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6888053 Spacing is a bit crunched up, might want to work on that a bit, so the readers have it flow nicely to thier eyes.

Skating.

Here is a example of excellent spacing in a story!- The spacing in this story wasn't bad per se, I've seen a lot worse.

Hmmm what to say about this re-write.

Pacing was a little off again...but that is in part of delving right into the action, makes the story feel snappy in pace. But oddly enough the home scene and the night scene was paced really well. Gives me a hint of good story to think maybe the pacing will even out now that the transformation is out of the way.

Detail was an improvement.- Though in a few places it did drag just a bit, but not really enough to bug me. But a vast improvement overall, though the characters stopping to tell eachother aloud what they look like...was weird and broke the pacing in that scene.

Character development and world building was here a bit. Too early to say for sure, but vs the last it was done better. I have a feeling Garett is a bit more developed and his scenes flowed a bit better than Sam's. just my thoughts.

Overall the story was still rushed a bit, the pacing was still lightning fast and the plot is still a bit of a mystery. But place this draft of the story against the the first, I'd choose this one every time.

I had fun reading this...again.

Keep practicing you can only get better!- again this was a vast improvement so kudos.

Markus Pokus

Markus Pokus #5 · Feb 1st, 2016 · · · Day 0 ·

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This story ain't half bad.I hope you can improve your skill and upload the next part.I can't wait.

Canary In The Coal Mine

Canary In The Coal Mine #6 · Feb 13th, 2016 · 2 · · Day 1 ·

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Romance between the OCs? That kind of awkwardness I can get behind.

Shy Marble Pie

Shy Marble Pie #7 · Feb 13th, 2016 · 1 · · Day 1 ·

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With Misty eating the muffins shouldn't it be her instead of their?-since he did eat his own.

Anyways the romance thing is cute though a bit rushed, unless pre-existing feelings were there before which again we never saw etc. Not saying it's bad but I hope to see the romance build instead of just coming out and saying it-Kudos to Misty catching herself!-for the pace of the story.

This chapter was leaps and bounds better than the first!- Promoted now to fav instead of tracking!