Trixie had tricked him. Sumac, his lower lip protruding, glared at his guardian as she combed her mane and made herself presentable. He smelled all flowery and girly—which was mortifying. He had been scrubbed with the pink soap. Pink. After being scrubbed with the pink soap, he had been slathered down in the wildflower conditioner, which was quite possibly the worst thing ever. Now, he was all fluffy, soft, and snuggly-wuggly, as Trixie had put it. Worst of all, she had trimmed his mane and his tail.
He sat, balanced on his haunches, with his forelegs crossed over his barrel, trying to give Trixie the sort of stare that would burn a hole through her, but she was ignoring him, humming to herself, and happy. It just wasn’t fair that she was in such a peppy, good mood after humiliating him.
“Sumac?”
Lip still protruding, Sumac did not reply.
“I need for you to be on your best behaviour tonight. It’s important. Can you please be a good colt?” Trixie put down her small mirror, turned, and looked at Sumac. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. If his lower lip protruded any further, birds would come and roost upon it. “Come on, Sumac, it’s not so bad. Cheer up. I really do need for you to be on your best behaviour though. We need to leave a good impression.”
Rolling his eyes, Sumac sighed, then nodded, but he said nothing as he continued to glare at his guardian. Ponies had watched him being scrubbed and they had laughed at him. So much for a good impression. The mirror vanished and disappeared into the wagon, then the comb did as well. He saw Trixie approaching him. His glare softened as she drew close, then she filled his vision as she lowered her head down, and with a gentle touch, she kissed the bridge of his nose.
At that point, it was hard to be angry. Sumac started to feel bad, just a little bit, for how he was acting. Trixie was just trying to look after him, and he was acting rather rotten. He slumped down, feeling ashamed as Trixie pulled away, and thought about the times he had been mean to her. When she wanted to cuddle with him in the bed because it was cold outside and the wagon had no means of heat. When she tried to hug him and he ran away. When she tried to give him a bath and he got soap in her eye. He felt Trixie’s hoof under his chin and his head was tilted up.
“Don’t look so glum, chum,” Trixie said, “or the Great and Powerful Trixie will have to try and cheer you up.” Trixie blinked, her nose just inches away from Sumac’s. “Sometimes I worry about you, kiddo. Those moods of yours are just like the wind.”
Hearing Trixie’s voice, sensing her closeness, Sumac gave Trixie a warm, genuine smile. She had brushed his teeth too, with baking soda. He stretched his neck out and bumped his snoot into Trixie’s, a wordless communication that he often relied upon. He had trouble putting into words what Trixie meant to him.
“Ready for dinner?” Trixie asked.
Sumac nodded and wondered what was on the menu.
Seeing the huge crowd of ponies, Sumac whimpered and hid behind Trixie, wrapping one of his forelegs around one of her hindlegs and pressing his face into her hock. She smelled like flowers in a sneezy way.
“Sumac, we have a table in the corner, away from the big crowd. It’ll be okay, I promise. Just stay close to me and I’ll lead you along, okay?” Trixie turned her head and looked behind her. She could see Sumac’s cream coloured pelt already needed to be brushed again. She sighed. Little colts had the mysterious ability to look completely disheveled in mere moments after a bath, a combing, and a full body brushing.
Making her way forward, the sound of the crowded room caused Trixie’s ears to prick upwards. Round tables filled the room; around each table were foals of different ages, their parents or guardians, and the volunteers that made this event possible. The smell of savoury food filled Trixie’s nostrils and the rich smell of butter made her mouth water. Sumac was still clinging to her as she walked and she almost dragged him along behind her.
She headed for the corner where the table was, glancing around, and taking in the sights. Lots of important ponies, all of which were hoping to have their foals get noticed. All one had to do was wow Twilight Sparkle. Sufficient wowing was enough to have a radical change of lifestyle. She saw Tarnished Teapot waving to her from where he was sitting at the table, with Pebble beside him, and Maud Pie sitting next to Pebble.
Shaking her hind leg, Trixie had to rid herself of Sumac before she could sit down. After a few shakes, he let go, glanced around the room, then darted into his seat as Trixie herself was sitting down.
“Hello again,” Trixie said to Maud and Tarnish. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“You arrived with a fancy leg decoration. So did I.” Maud turned and looked at Pebble. “She has quite a grip though. Tarnish had to peel her off.”
“Did not,” Pebble protested in a flat monotone that matched her mother’s.
“Look, Pebs, it’s your new best friend.” Leaning over, Tarnished Teapot nudged the filly beside him, a teasing smile on his face, and then gestured at Sumac. “Hello again, Sumac. Say, did you get a trim?”
“My name is Pebble Pie and he is not my friend.” The filly, who had no expression upon her face, stared straight ahead, ignoring both her father and Sumac, her eyes focused upon the wall. “I don’t even want to talk to you. You’re trying to ditch me because you don’t want me around anymore so you and mommy can have another foal.”
Trixie could not help but notice Tarnish’s nervous glance, their eyes meeting, and she could see his worry. Maud was impassive as always, unaffected by what Pebble had said, and was looking off in another direction, appearing to be studying a stone column.
“Pebble, darling, you’re too much like your mother… you’re smart, too smart, and regular school is just not challenging for you. You already know everything that your school can teach you. Your mother and I are trying to get you into a school where you can learn important stuff.” Tarnish swallowed, licked his lips, and then continued, “We’re not trying to ditch you. You’ll be able to come home during breaks, on holidays, and we’ll come and visit you.”
“Are you going to ditch me?” Sumac asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Trixie.
“What? No… after everything we’ve been through together?” Trixie unfolded the white napkin that had silverware inside, after undoing the lavender ribbon tied around it. She then freed Sumac’s silverware. “Sumac, you… you’re… you are my… Sumac, you are my best little buddy… I’m not leaving you, I promise, and that’s final.”
Hearing Trixie’s words, Pebble turned and looked at her father, her half opened eyes and bored looking expression made it impossible to tell what she was feeling. She said nothing, but just sat there and stared.
“Say, where is Twilight?” Sumac asked.
“I would imagine that Twilight is trying to be fair,” Trixie replied as she laid out the silverware next to Sumac’s plate. “There is only one of her and a whole bunch of foals and ponies who all want Twilight to sit with them. Picking just one table would be unfair to everypony else.” Trixie paused, her brows wrinkling, and she shook her head. “I imagine that it must be horrible to be a princess. Trying to keep things fair. No matter what you do, somepony is going to be unhappy.”
“Sort of like being a wife and a mother. It’s hard to keep everypony happy,” Maud said. The sleepy, perpetually bored looking mare turned and faced Sumac. “What do you like to study?”
Sumac, put on the spot, sat there with a blank expression. He thought the interviews would be over by now. “Uh…” He rested both of his front hooves on the edge of the table. “I like learning the local lore when Trixie and I stop somewhere. There are a lot of stories to be told.”
“Yeah? That’s really interesting.” Maud blinked once and then reached out and touched Sumac with her hoof. “History is important. I study history, but I do it with rocks. There is all kinds of history though. Somepony has to keep track of it.”
Sitting between her parents, Pebble sighed and folded her forelegs in front of her barrel. She slumped down in her chair, staring over the edge of the table at Sumac, who had her mother’s attention.
“Pebble?” Sumac, feeling brave, addressed the filly staring at him.
“What?” Pebble sat unmoving, her eyes almost unblinking.
“What do you study for fun?” Sumac asked.
Silent for what felt like a full minute, Pebble then spoke, “I have all kinds of things I study as a hobby. Right now, I like studying bugs. Entomology is fascinating.”
Not knowing what ‘entomology’ was, Sumac’s brows furrowed, he said nothing, but just nodded. “I like to catch fireflies. It’s fun.”
“Lampyridae are interesting to study.” Pebble sat up a little, straightening herself out, and peered at Sumac through half opened eyes. “Venenum iocus seems to attract them, so I get to see them a lot.”
“Pebble, if I might have a word with you… using big words to make other ponies feel small and stupid isn’t doing you any favours. Trust me, I know about these things. Sumac might not have the sort of book learning that you have, but he’s plenty smart. So far, all I’ve figured out about you is that you probably have a knack for rote memorisation.”
Blinking a few times, Pebble said nothing, but stared at Trixie for a moment before turning away to look down at her own plate.
“You brought that on yourself, Pebble,” Maud said to her daughter. “You really do need to try and learn how to make friends. I worry about you.”
“I worry about Sumac.” Trixie leaned over the table. “Sumac spends most of his time around adults. He doesn’t get a chance to get to know many foals his own age on the road. It worries me sometimes. Put him into a crowd of adults and he’s fine, but in a crowd of foals his own age… sheesh.”
“Trixie…” Sumac whined, closing his eyes.
“What, kiddo, it’s true.” Trixie reached over and patted Sumac, trying to comfort the sullen looking little colt before he slipped into total grumpiness.
“Honoured guests,” Twilight Velvet said, her magically amplified voice booming through the packed room, “dinner is served.”
Sumac was starting to wonder if the second slice of chocolate cake had been a good idea. He lay on his back in the grass, near the wagon, staring up at the night sky as the stars twinkled to life, appearing in the black void one by one.
Maybe it wasn’t the cake, it might have been the macaroni and cheese. Sumac ate a lot of soups and stews, rich foods were a rarity, a treat that he didn’t get often. He rubbed his stomach and regretted eating so much. It was going to be one of those sorts of nights and he hoped that he wouldn’t make any mistakes.
“Hey, kiddo, enjoy dinner?” Trixie asked.
“Yeah,” Sumac replied, still staring up at the stars. “Hey, Trixie, thank you.”
“For what, kiddo?” Trixie sat down in the grass beside Sumac and looked up.
“Pebble was making me feel stupid.”
“Oh, that.” Trixie took a deep breath. “Trixie was guilty of the same thing when she attended Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” Trixie paused, staring at the same stars as Sumac, trying to think of the right words to say. “Usually, when a pony does that, they feel very scared and insecure about themselves. I know I was. I still am, I suppose. Don’t make the same mistakes that I did, kiddo.”
“You always call me ‘kiddo.’ Why?” Sumac turned his head and looked up at Trixie. She was looking up at the stars and he couldn’t see her face.
“Well, it’s cause you’re my kiddo, that’s why.” Trixie fell silent and did not elaborate any further, unaware that Sumac was watching her.
Looking back up at the stars, Sumac wondered if he could come up with a special name to call Trixie. He sighed, his stomach feeling as though it was full of lead, then yawned, and thought about going to bed. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.
Hmmmmm. You have the Applejack and Big Mac tagged, but there really hasn't been much interaction with them.
Kudzu, you're failing miserably so far. We've finished chapter 6 and it's not Horrendous and there is no Hypothesis.
I claim false advertising!
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I needed background ponies...
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I'm... ok with that.
You've made the connection between Sumac and Trixie just come alive and dance. The Great and Powerful Mother, indeed.
6804929
You might want to read the blog post I just made about this story. Warning, spoilers under spoiler bars. But it might give you some insight about the character tags.
Another missed swing. This baseball game is gonna have to go into extra innings at this rate.
6804953
This chapter has a second strike... when he asks why Trixie calls him 'kiddo.'
How old is trixie supposed to be in this, some things make her seem pretty old 50-60's others not so much?
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Well, I am pretty sure years on the road doing the pulling work of an Earth Pony while still being a Unicorn isn't all that good for the body. So likely when it comes to more physically demanding things she seems older because her body has been worn down much quicker than normal.
6804976
Sumac also believed that there was a million wagons.
Trixie has been on the road for a long time, and it's been hard on her knees. We'll be hearing more about this soon.
Aww, that's sooo cute! By the way did you mean to write snout? As in his nose? I'm sure you didn't mean snoot.
I like how Sumac feels this is the worst thing ever to happen to him. A bath and a trim. Also where did you come up with the name Sumac? This story needs more cute interactions between my favorite unicorn and now new favorite OC.
6806703
Snoot: the soft fleshy pad at the end of an equine's nose.
cdn-webimages.wimages.net/0515772d43386e22487892a8bed7ec68fd4689-wm.jpg
For them, it is like a fingertip. They touch stuff with it. They feel things. It is very soft and tender and you should never be mean to a horse by doing them harm right there.
Snoot.
6806717 Cool. I learned something new today! I never knew that. So you Pinkie Promise "Twilight" Sparkle will be here next chapter? I like Velvet but I want Twilight Time!
6798763 In that case, seen that we're already in chapter 6 I find there's one thing I find disappointing: expectatives caused by the description. You see, in your long description you whote, and I quote: "Sumac, Trixie's student, will ask a question that leads to unintended consequences and raises worrisome concerns for the future of unicorns all around the world". I've been expecting the question and its huge fallout all this time, and instead we've been treated with all the pre-meeting stuff, and we're already past halfway the fic.
I'm not claiming the story is bad, because it's fun to see this older Trixie and her
childstudent Surmac, but I can't deny having a description focusing in the preparations for the meeting (and not mentioning the question and it's consecquences) would have made me enjoy this story more.6806851
Whatever happened to being patient and allowing a story to unfold? Buildup? Whatever happened to story progression?
If I wrote a ONE chapter story with just the question scene, people would be bitching about not knowing the characters and wondering what the context is. Can't friggin' win no matter the story format. It's really frustrating. People want the conclusion and they want it right friggin' now, but if they get a story that is the conclusion, they bitch, piss, and whine that the story felt rushed.
What is an author to do, exactly?
Edit:
Also, we need to see what sort of character Sumac is. It is really, really important to get to know him, otherwise, when the question is asked, it will not make sense. We see that Sumac is above average intelligence. We see that he's a thinker. This is showing, not telling. We're seeing him, how he sees stuff, how he feels, how he interacts.
If i just jumped to the question, it would just be a matter of typing a few sentences that amount to, 'This is Sumac, he is a bit smarter than most, likes moments of introspection, and is a thinker!'
If I did that, that would be telling, not showing. The Question, as it is, is very important. It is the sort of question that would seem very out of place coming out of a foal's mouth, unless of course you knew the foal in question. Hence, the need for build up. You just can't rush these sorts of things.
6806860 First, sorry if I the comment seemed like complaining. It wasn't my intention.
Second, I'm going to put something explicit here: I think the pacing of your story is fine.
SecondThird, I like the story for what it is: you've introduced Surmac and an older and wiser Trixie. The story of their wait for the audience and their intaraction with Ponyville residents is great.My comment is about the fanfic's long description only: in a very rough way, I'd expect to have a short view of the first act of the story and something what to aspire later. What I was worried was, should the chapter count is correct, the world-changing aftermath may not be explored enough.
However, if you had a description only telling about (for example, this story's short desciption... though you could have added the meeting, but not the question), you would have used the big question as a huge bombshell to the reader and any lack of exploration of its aftermath could serve as a sequel hook. All of this without changing anything about the story itself.
tl;dr: I love this story, but I think the long description doesn't match it well.
Edit: added a second point by the beginning
I really like the backstory to this. They don't feel important or main character-ish, but they're interesting to follow.
6815538 sounds interesting. thanks for the tip. I'm not that opposed to twixie but the problem is that the shipping in most fics is almost instant. If it is well executed then I don't mind.
Betrayal!
It would literally be a life changing event, after all.
Ouch.
Ouch x2, especially since her mother immediately agreed.
I'm thinking PebbleSumac is one ship that is sailing nowhere.
I like how any boats trying to set sail get burned for their trechary. I mean, most kids (when I was a young one) sticked to their sex and found the other odd. I sure as hell did, entered middle school with two female barely friends.
I have a theory: Sumac is Trixie's and Foam's illigidamete son. PLOT TWIST!
snoot?
7205024 Snoot.
7229068 Do tell
7246615 poot poot
6806860 Don't worry about one detractor Kudz, stuff the question, I just want to read a good long story, especially about the character buildup.
Special name, eh? Try one that starts with m and ends with m.
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Madam?
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mom