• Published 25th Dec 2015
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Trixie Lulamoon and the Horrendous Hypothesis - kudzuhaiku



An older, wiser Trixie Lulamoon just so happens to have a somewhat above average student.

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Chapter 1

Trixie Lulamoon and the Horrendous Hypothesis.


Sitting upon a large, flat stone that had been warmed by the late afternoon sun, Sumac watched as Trixie Lulamoon chopped up potatoes, carrots, celery, and parsnips. Trixie, who was somewhat impatient, peered through the lower half of her bifocals, puckering her lips while huffing and puffing, trying to keep her silvery blue mane out of her face while she worked.

At least, Trixie insisted it was silver. To Sumac, it looked a bit more grey, but he never said much about it; there was no point in antagonising Trixie. There was, however, something he wanted to say, but he was afraid to say it. Saying what was on his mind would involve making an admission of guilt, not to mention it might make Trixie upset with him. He didn’t want his teacher upset with him. He liked Trixie. She had been quite good to him, all things considered.

He watched as a portion of the chopped vegetables went into a cast iron skillet and his ears perked as they sizzled. Trixie was already busy chopping up more vegetables to be tossed into the skillet to make vegetable stew; the same vegetable stew they ate almost every day.

“Trixie?” Sumac’s voice was squeaky, much to his chagrin. He was at that age when his voice kept breaking. He hated it and did his best to deal with it, which for Sumac, meant staying quiet for much of the time.

“Yes?” Trixie replied as she continued chopping up vegetables on the battered, well marked wooden cutting board she had sitting on top of a small, portable folding table.

“Why did you take me in?” Sumac asked.

The knife stopped and he saw Trixie looking at him, angling her head upwards so she could see him through the lower lenses of her bifocals. After a moment of tilting her head up and down, she peered at him through the upper lenses. One ear made a lazy attempt to stand up straight, but after a few twitches, it laid back down, coming to rest near the edge of Trixie’s eye. Her forelock spilled back down over her face and she sputtered as she tried to blow it out from her vision.

“I was reading your journal… I saw what you wrote about me.” Sumac looked into Trixie’s eyes, not certain what he was seeing, wondering if she would be angry, her moods could be described as mercurial at best.

The sharp knife resumed its motion, cutting and chopping, the edge tapping against the notched wooden cutting board. Trixie was still looking through the upper lenses of her bifocals at Sumac, the corner of her mouth was twitching, and her ear made another lazy attempt to stand up once more. The other ear didn’t even bother, it had given up trying long ago.

“How far did you get?” Trixie asked as she continued chopping. One silvery blue eyebrow raised and she tilted her head off to one side as she looked at Sumac. “You should keep reading.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Sumac, still sitting upon his stone, watched as more vegetables went into the skillet.

“Yes, Sumac, when I took you in, it was for the bits,” Trixie admitted as she stirred the vegetables in the pot. “It’s complicated. I was younger and far more foolish back then. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. Is this what you were wondering?”

“So why did you keep me?” Sumac asked, intrigued, curious, wanting and hoping to know more. He liked it when Trixie told him stories. She was a good story teller.

Trixie took a deep breath as she added a bit more butter and some flour to the cast iron skillet. She stirred, using a wooden spoon, her expression thoughtful. She opened her mouth, but no words came out, and after a moment, her lips pressed back together as she shook her head.

“Trixie?”

“Kiddo, I’m trying over here… don’t tell anypony, but I think I’m getting old.” Trixie’s eyes narrowed and she squinted through her eyeglasses. “I don’t know what to say or where to start, Sumac.”

Blinking, Sumac gave Trixie a hopeful look, the sort of look that only a foal could make. Reaching up with his front hoof, the unicorn colt brushed his own mane out of his face, never once taking his eyes off of Trixie.

“Quite some time ago, Princess Twilight Sparkle began the friendship movement,” Trixie began as the skillet beside her sizzled. “One of the special friendships she believed in was the relationship between a student and a mentor. She created a program based upon this idea because of her own best friend, Rainbow Dash, and a little filly that was Rainbow Dash’s friend, Scootaloo. Rainbow Dash acted like Scootaloo’s big sister, she became Scootaloo’s mentor. They had a special relationship and Princess Twilight Sparkle spent a lot of time studying it.”

Listening, Sumac watched as Trixie took off her eyeglasses and set them down upon the table in front of her. The breeze, deciding to be helpful, blew and lifted a few loose strands of mane out of Trixie’s face.

“Princess Twilight believed that every foal needed a mentor, that this was one of the foundations that made future friendships possible. She herself mentored the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Wanting to make this happen, Twilight offered financial incentives to mentor a foal, free bits—all one had to do was mentor a foal and free bits were yours for the taking.”

Trixie took a deep breath, shook her head, stirred the food she was cooking, and added some water to the pot, which fizzled and steamed. She began to open a tin of tomato paste with a can opener as she thought about what to say next. She added the tomato paste to the skillet, the contents slid out of the tin and landed with a plop in the pan.

“Free bits… I began plotting on how I could get me a few free bits. But I didn’t have a student. I had nopony to mentor.” Trixie closed her eyes for a moment, looking a bit sad, and when she opened her eyes, she put a lid down upon the skillet so the contents could simmer.

“About this time, your parents, Flam Apple and Belladonna, were arrested. It was a pretty big deal, Equestria was going through a major reform at the time, they were cracking down on criminals, and they made a public example of Flam Apple and Belladonna for what they had done. I saw you in the paper and I saw a perfect opportunity.”

Sumac Apple, sitting on his flat, smooth stone, frowned.

Even with her poor vision, Trixie could see Sumac frowning, and Trixie smiled. “I went and I got all schmoozy with Twilight Sparkle about how I was trying to turn over a new leaf. I told her how brilliant her mentoring program was… and I casually mentioned that there was a foal that had just lost both of his parents. I’ll admit, I laid it on pretty thick, telling her that I alone could understand you and your special needs, because I was already a social pariah. I was an outcast.” Trixie blinked, reached up with her right foreleg, and wiped her eyes. “Truth be told, I actually felt bad for you… it seemed as though everypony hated you just because of what your parents did… Trixie Lulamoon felt pity for you.”

Ears pivoting forwards, Sumac listened, but said nothing. Trixie rarely mentioned herself in the third pony anymore, only slipping into old habits when she was excited, scared, or emotional for whatever reason.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle… my old nemesis, or at least I used to believe that. I thought I had outwitted her, I’ll admit, it felt pretty good, I thought I had her conned. She agreed with me. She made me your guardian, something that got me even more bits, and I was also your mentor.” Trixie cleared her throat. “Yes, Sumac, in the beginning, it was all about the bits. Yes, I spent a lot of time gloating about how I had pulled one over on Twilight Sparkle. I was a different pony back then.”

Trixie put her glasses back on, her glistening eyes blinking away tears. “I’ve changed since then. I kept my old journals to remind me how I was. I’ve grown very fond of you, Sumac. I’m not very good at showing it, however.”

From where he was sitting, Sumac watched as Trixie got up from where she was sitting and come over to him. He sat there, blinking, not knowing what he was feeling, and stared as she approached. She stood, looking down at him, her eyes moist, he could hear her breath whistling in her nostrils, which flexed with every breath she took. Much to Sumac’s surprise, he felt two lips press up against him, just to the left of his horn, near his left ear. Her soft touch made him shiver, and when she pulled away, a part of him felt sad. Uncertain of what to do, Sumac lunged forwards, threw his forelegs around Trixie’s neck, and squeezed, not wanting to let her go. He felt afraid, not understanding his own feelings, he felt overwhelmed, and the young colt could not remember ever feeling the way he did at this moment. As he clung to Trixie’s neck, the tears began to flow.


Staring up at the stars, young Sumac was silent. The fire was little more than coals now, which crackled and popped on occasion. He was trying to remember his mother and father, Belladonna and Flam Apple, both of whom were locked away in prison. Try as he might, he couldn’t remember very much about them.

Overhead, the stars twinkled, welcoming the moon as it rose up higher into the nighttime sky. Sumac glanced over at Trixie, who was reading a book, and then returned his gaze to the stars. The night was chilly, almost cold, and would become cold later, no doubt. Sumac suspected that Trixie would pull him into bed with her, he had long been ‘Trixie’s little bed warmer,’ or at least, he had been. Now that he was getting older, it was becoming awkward. He had his own little bunk in the wagon, a bed that folded down from the wall.

Turning his head, Sumac tried to look at Trixie without looking at her, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She was teaching him magic, he wasn’t very good at it, but she had never given up, insisting they had not found the magic that he was good at yet. She had taught him other things as well, such as bartering, dealing with things that had great big pointy teeth, and magical repair. There was also wagon maintenance. Something was always breaking on the wagon.

From what little Sumac knew, Trixie had once been The Great and Powerful Trixie, a showmare, and she had worn out her welcome in every city in Equestria, or so the story went. At some point, she had become Trixie, Magician for Hire, a traveling magical tinkerer, and Sumac had become her pupil. They had the wagon, some tools, some books, as well as a barrel filled with dirt where they grew potatoes, carrots, and parsnips.

“Sumac?”

Hearing his name, Sumac was jolted from his thoughts. He blinked once, and then focused upon Trixie, worried, wondering if she had noticed that he was staring.

“You’re awfully quiet, even more than usual,” Trixie said to Sumac. “You must have something on your mind. You are such a serious little colt for your age.” The unicorn mare’s expression softened. “Sometimes I worry if I’ve been a good caretaker for you. You’re not like other foals. Sometimes… sometimes Trixie becomes scared that she has messed up in some horrible way.”

“I like the life we have,” Sumac said, blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

“Really?” Trixie lifted her head higher, pulling away from her book. Her glowing horn cast shadows upon her face, making her look ghostly.

Put on the spot, Sumac fumbled around for a reply, his lips moving, but no words came out this time, no matter how hard he tried. He began to feel the hot flush of embarrassment creeping up his neck and into his cheeks.

“We move around from place to place. You don’t have any friends. A colt your age should have friends. I worry about this a lot.” Trixie shook her head. “We’re poor, Sumac, but we’re honest, and that’s important.”

“I dunno,” Sumac shrugged, struggling to find something to say, “it’s not so bad. I’ve learned a bunch of stuff. Every day there is a new place or there is something new to see and I get to learn about it, like Equestria’s largest ball of rubber bands or the biggest bandaid collection.”

“How goes your studies?” Trixie asked.

Sumac was relieved that the subject was changed and heaved a sigh of relief.

“Do you think you can wow Twilight Sparkle when we enter that contest?” Trixie looked hopeful and there was a playful smile lurking on her muzzle. “It isn’t even about the bits, although we could use new axles for the wagon… but I, Trixie, would very much like to show Twilight that I haven’t been a total failure.”

The contest. Trixie kept bringing it up. Sumac was in quite a pickle. The goal, as it was, was to impress Princess Twilight Sparkle. The Princesses, all of them, were looking for the best and the brightest. There were all kinds of prizes and rewards, ranging from a handsome payment of bits to a chance to attend school on a scholarship. The problem, as Sumac had discovered, it was very difficult to study while on the road. The books were limited, the time they spent in towns was limited, and small towns with libraries were few and far between. Sumac had ideas, but he did not have answers.

“Not to worry,” Sumac replied, smiling, “I’ve got this one in the bag. Twilight will be wowed.” Sumac felt his stomach flop around inside of his ribs and along his sides. He gulped, being around Trixie had taught him quite a bit about confidence. He felt a bead of cold, chilly sweat go rolling down the back of his neck.

“I knew you had it in you…”

Author's Note:

This one is a short one, should be ten chapters or less. I hope you enjoy it.

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