• Member Since 30th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Jul 8th, 2020

Darkie 09


Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. I'm afraid is time for goodbye again. :heart:

E

Takes place right after the events of The Cutie Re-Mark. Beware. May contain Spoilers.


“Sometimes friends make mistakes. Grievous ones that cry out for us to stay and prove we are true friends.”
― Beth Bernobich


Ponies even after her defeat still have a somewhat negative impression of Starlight Glimmer, Glimmer wants to fix this and show them that they can trust her and that she is a whole different pony, and with the help of her new friends maybe she can.


Art is NOT by me, it was made by Eveyann

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )
Comment posted by deadpansnarker deleted Dec 18th, 2015

I´m saying this before I read it, but I´m not really sure if anyone should really know that Starlight did something bad.
I wouldn´t really believe that the ponys in her Village are telling it every new pony they meet, or at least it should get so fast around the world I guess.

The final event of her defeat, well no one really noticed that, and Twilight only told her friends about it as far as it looks like. I mean why should she still inform those ponys, if she want´s to give her a fresh start.

However I´m going to read this, even if I don´t like one-shots that much, maybe it makes some sort of bigger prologue for a sequel.

It was a nice little story, and I like how it came out.

6936946
oh, thank you!:twilightsmile:

6936957 You're welcome, on the same note I found a quote that just might fit your story.

“Sometimes friends make mistakes. Grievous ones that cry out for us to stay and prove we are true friends.”
― Beth Bernobich

6936973
Oh, wow! That's good, I should put that in the discription

6937176 Glad you liked it.

Would you be so kind as to allow me to post a little feedback on your story?

1.

(Takes place right after the events of The Cutie Re-Mark. Beware. May contain Spoilers.)

This is the kind of thing that should be placed in the long description of your story, not the story itself. I'll hate it if I opened up a story only to find that the spoilers for something I didn't watch was placed in the story itself and not the preview page where I can, at the very least, back out of it and come back later after I've seen the spoilers.

2.

Oh GOD! This was so stressful. I put myself on a time limit because I wanted to get this up today! I hope you all like it. I didn't edit this yet. Sorry for sloppiness that may have occurred. Don't read my story unless you have watched the Cutie Re-Mark Parts 1 and 2 because this has some spoilers in it! Hope you like it!

For the love of whatever Holy Being of Creative Writing's out there, please don't release it unedited. No one's putting a gun to your head and forcing you to publish your fanfic on Fimfiction in its raw, unpurified and unedited state. Once you've finished writing your story, please spend some time away from your story to rid yourself of your emotions.

After you've cleared your mind, check your story and correct any errors that you see. When that's done, feel free to ask around for a few groups of editors and proofreaders who can help you on Fimfiction. Fimfiction's full of people who are more than willing to help new and struggling authors, and that's one of the many things I like about this site.

3. I don't know if you've noticed by now, but all your paragraphs are bunched together without a single line in between paragraphs, giving the fic inadequate space to "breathe" and making it difficult to read. I know it is for me.

So try inserting a single line after every paragraph.


That's all the feedback I've got for the moment. As soon as I actually read the story instead of just skipping it over and heading straight to the comments section, I'll find and suggest more areas of improvement for you.

7032501
Thanks it's being edited now

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