- Member Since 19th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Jan 22nd, 2016
DanMcIntosh
Just a normal Texan brony here. I play guitar, bass, go to college classes for a degree in music, and read fanfiction with friends on skype/teamspeak.
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If you actually fixed it all up and such, this would be really good. This is a trollfic sad to say, the parody manner of it is ruined by all of that... blechy grammar and intentional misspelling. If you remake this normal, i would love you
35707
I would, but that would be ruining the joke
35849 Yeah, I know. But, all things aside, WHAT IS THIS, I DON'T EVEN... GREAT WORK OLD CHAP
35849 Quite, but you could try Da fic too: da serius versin.
Best fic in the entire world
38256 Couldn't agree more
Oh, you interwebs people, and your oh so sick fantasies ...
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...
...
...
*Finds this not so difficult to masturbate to*
Ok, I am wondering about a couple of the words which are illegible in particular:
"you know these showers aren't coed right" what is that word there?
"pulling away from the prench kiss" what is that word there?
I am thinking of forfilling the request of Eclipse and posting the result here in the comments. (if you don't mind)
The story is actually quite well written and I have a strange urge to uncover it...
If you don't like this idea then simply delete this comment and Ill go away.
This is the first version, with most of the grammar corrected, capital letters after full stops and some comma's inserted where I thought they were needed. I also rewrote a couple of sentences (my own interpretation). However, the tense still switches randomly even mid sentence and some of it still doesn't make sense at all (I left those two words as they were) Mayhap I will go over it again, correcting tenses and adding my own depictive details.
It was at the end of a typical practice run with the Wonderbolts. A perfect day to test out ones moves and skills et. Soarin felt extra sweaty from flying around for the better part of the day, wiping his brow of sweat as he totted into the showers.
He stripped off his skintight Wonderbolt suit and goggles, throwing a towel over his back as he made his way to the big, group showers. He heard the noise of another pony taking a shower, thinking it was one of his team mates so he joined them. To his surprise though, it was no pony else but Spitfire!
"what are you doing in here, spitfire?" Soarin asked spitfire. He was blushing slightly, almost completely red at her gorgeous body, which he had seen without clothes on before, but this time somehow it was different. "I’m just washing myself off, dude." replied the mare winking saucily at Soarin "Wanna join me?" she asked Soarin.
"Ok." he replied nervously as he approached the mare still blushing, but more red now than before when it was kina pink. "You know these showers aren’t coed right?" Soarin asked the mare he was still blushing at. "Oh. can you keep a secret?" she asked looking nervous. Spirtfire then leaned up against the wall and surprised Soarin leaving his mouth open! He couldn’t believe it: she had a penis...!
"Why didn’t you tell me before Spitfire?" Soarin asked the mare with a male organ. "Well you know how I said I don’t like to shower with other ponies around cause I get embarrassed around them. I lied, sorry. I didn’t know how the rest of them would feel so I kept it a secret, I hope you’re not mad at me?"
Soarin contemplated his words, what would he say to Spitfire to calm her down? "it’s okay, I understand Spitfire. I admit it kinda turns me on actually" Soarin chuckled. "Wow really???" the mare replied with a laugh.
"Yes I guess I have a thing for dicks, oh well." Soarin admitted to spitfire which she replies with "I never knew. So what do you like about dicks?" she asked. "I dunno really. It’s hard to describe what a pony likes when it comes to sexuality you know." The colt said bashfully.
"Even if you’re gay or bi, you know I still like you, Soarin. I’m actually not a futa though, since I still have vagina too." the mare explained turning her back side towards Soarin and lifting her tail showing a bare pussy between her cock balls and tailhole. Soarin didn’t know what to say to that either. Teasingly the mare shook her flank at the colt an asked "does that make you horny Soarin?"
"y-yes" he replied his boner popping up quickly at the erotic sight. "I bet you wanna taste me...but i wonder where?" spitfire rhetorically asked, eyeing the hardon her teammate was sporting. "I want to taste you...your cock spitfire" the colt confessed.
Sitting down her legs folded she presented her cock to the colt, Soarin trotted up to it as his tongue brushed at the bass of it spitfire letting out a moan. After another few licks he swallowed the meat into his mouth, the mare grinning at the pleasure. "Keep tasting it Soarin, make me cum." Spitfire panted out. The colt bobbed his heed slowly on the cock closing his eyes. He sucked her cock hard which made her moan louder and louder, the slutty male enjoying the taste of her horsehood. With each bob the cock throbbed harder in Soarin's mouth, pre-cum dribbling down into his throat. The stallion loved the salty taste of her pre-cum. "I’m so close that I could come at any second." The mare moaned out, her hooves pressing at Soarin's head, slowly her orgasm began to build up quickly. Soarin kept sucking that cock wanting her cum badly. Soon enough he got his wish, Spitfire crying out as her orgasm shoot into the colts maw, ropes of seed filling his cheeks.
swallowing the spunk, Soarin pulled away from the horsecock and sighed looking up at spitfire. "That was delicious." The mare just grinned and leant down to kiss the colt, tongues dancing and lips locking. Pulling away from the prench kiss she says "Now i get to fuck your ass bitch~"
Soarin was loving the dirty talk and immediately obeyed his new sex partner, bashfully showing off his flankside to the hermaphrodite pony.
"Mmm, you’re so eager for my cock. I love it!" her dick then prodded his virgin asshole then pushed hard, the colt biting his lip. "That hurts...ooo...." He winced and said to her, his as muscles clenching around the cock. Spitfire then sighed and apologized, resliding the meat inside him until the pain went away. Once Soarin had calmed down the herm-pony thrusted her cock placidly, hooves planted on his back. His talehole loosened up some, allowing Soarin to take more of the cock in his ass, the mare moaning lavishly in pleasure. "It’s so, so tight, ooo, I love it so fucking much." Spitfire said to her colt-toy, her thrusts turning moar wilddddddd and rrugh, Soarin enjoying the hard thrusts. "Oh I want your seed!!!" the bitch-colt mooned out lewdly to mare. "I’m gonna...c-cum...ahh...unff!" spitfire spat oot, nearing a second orgasm. Suddenly Soarin shot cum onto the tiled linoleum floor, flank muscles sucking in the herm cock, making spitfire burst ropes of sponk all over his insides.
taking the cum inside his body, Soarin panted out to his partner, lying on the tile now, eyes looking up at Spitfire. "Mmm...let’s do this again sometime okay?" the mare asks, slowly pulling out from his ass. Soarin agreed and said "yes ma’am" as he watched spitfire trot towards the hot water beaming from the shower. That day hek new he had found a new love for spitfire, watching her body clean off of thier sex juices. Spitfire knew it too because after their shower, they got married.
THE END :)
So? is there an comments at all?
any rage from the author because I messed with his work?
none, after whole day?
well then I may just add to this work, "improving" it in my own vision of the word (it will most probably end up worse than it is now)
since I still havent gotten a reply on the words "coed" in the shower scene and "prench" after the kiss I migth just remove those words entirely.
the sad ****ing thing is that I even enjoyed myself while editing the grammar of this story it gave me a sickly-good feeling, and that's just ****ed up!
well i may just proceed to do what I've threatened above unless anyone would care o speak out against me doing such things...
"Prench" is the pony version of french from what I've seen, and "coed" is supposed to be Co-Ed
Also, nice job rewriting the story. I came
Puhlease… Yr spelling sucks, no offence.
Oh dear, it looks like I may just have to rewrite the story adding in my own details and saucy imagery after all.
oh well, since you don't seem to mind I see no immediate problem (apart from the obvious moral aspect, of which I seem to be lacking of late D: ).
Just to be clear on this: [Anything which I post in the comments may be and is even intended to be used by the author of the original text.] I still do not want to become involved enough to actually Create an account on this site. So It's not like any of it should or even can be credited to me, in the end all I am doing is violently regurgitating other people's creativity in a horribly inartistic fashion. (hope and beg that I don't do this more!)
(The above was written the day before the below.)
Ok, here I have messed with the story to no end and this will be my final edit. Some of the sentence transitions are awquard, but I think I fixed most of the tense issues. As before it belongs solely to the original Author and he may use it however he wishes. Also like what I said before If the Author does not appreciate this then all you need to do is delete my comments. (This is your thread so you have that privilege right?) (But I doubt that with how messed up it is now he will want anything to do with it.) I made it slightly more rough towards Soarin (serves him right for being a gay-futafucking Horse.) and I removed the: well you'll see. Oh yeah and I left you a nice line in case you want to make a sequel/s.
It was at the end of a typical practice run with the Wonderbolts. A perfect day to test out ones moves and skills. Soarin felt extra sweaty from flying around for the better part of the day, wiping his brow of sweat as he totted into the showers.
He stripped off his skintight Wonderbolt suit and goggles, throwing a towel over his back as he made his way towards the big, group showers. He heard the noise of another pony taking a shower, thinking it was one of his team mates, he joined them. To his surprise though, it was no pony else but Spitfire!
"What are you doing in here, spitfire?" Soarin asked carefully. He was blushing slightly, while staring at her gorgeous athletic body. He had of course seen her without clothes on before, but this time it was somehow different. "I’m just washing myself off, dude." replied the mare casually while winking saucily at Soarin. "Wanna join me?" she asked Soarin.
"Ok." he replied nervously as he approached the mare still blushing, but more-so now than before. "You know these showers aren’t communal right?" Soarin asked the mare whom was still causing him to blush. "Oh. Can you keep a secret?" she asked looking nervous. Spitfire looked around cautiously, and then leant up against the wall baring her underside. What Soarin now saw surprised him so much that his jaw dropped. He couldn’t believe it: she had a penis...!
"Why didn’t you tell me about this before Spitfire?" Soarin asked the mare with the male organ. "Well you know how I said I don’t like to shower with other ponies around cause I get embarrassed around them. I lied, sorry. I didn’t know how the rest of them would feel so I kept it a secret; I hope you’re not mad at me?"
Soarin contemplated his words carefully, what would he say to Spitfire to reassure her? "It’s okay. I understand Spitfire. I have to admit; it kinda turns me on actually" Soarin chuckled. "Wow, Really???" the mare replied with incredulity.
"Yes I guess I just have a thing for dicks, oh well." Soarin admitted to Spitfire with which she replied: "I never knew. So what do you like in particular about dicks?" she asked. "I dunno really. It’s hard to discern what a pony likes when it comes to sexuality you know." The colt said bashfully.
"Even if you’re gay or bi, you know I still like you right, Soarin? I’m actually not a futa though, since I still have everything else as well." The mare explained while turning her back side towards Soarin and lifting her tail to expose a bare pussy between her cock balls and tailhole. Soarin didn’t know what to say to that either. Teasingly the mare shook her bare flank at the colt and asked "does that make you any more horny Soarin?"
"y-yes" he replied his boner popping up quickly at the erotic sight. "I bet you wanna taste me...but I wonder where?" spitfire asked rhetorically, eyeing the hardon her teammate was sporting. "I want to taste you...your cock spitfire" the colt confessed, stammering in embarrassment.
Sitting down, her legs folded she presented her cock to the colt, Soarin trotted up to it, opening his mouth as his tongue reached out and brushed the base of spitfire’s cock. She let out a faint moan. After a few more strokes he swallowed the meat into his mouth, the mare gasping at the pleasure. "Keep tasting it Soarin, make me cum." Spitfire panted breathily. The colt bobbed his head slowly, his tongue on the cock. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the feeling of the steadily hardening organ in his mouth. He sucked her penis hard causing Spitfire to moan louder and louder, the slutty male enjoying the taste of her horsehood. With each bob the cock throbbed harder in Soarin's mouth, pre-cum already beginning to dribble into his throat. The stallion loved the salty but sweet taste of her pre-cum. "I’m so close that I could come at any second." The mare moaned out weakly, her hooves pressing at Soarin's head, her orgasm built up, slowly at first but then quickly. Soarin kept rhythmically sucking her cock wanting her cum badly. Soon enough he got his wish, Spitfire cried out as her orgasm shot raw ejeculant right into the colt’s maw, strings of seed instantly filled his cheeks.
Swallowing the spunk, Soarin slowly pulled away from the horsecock and sighed looking up at Spitfire. "That was delicious." The mare just grinned lustily and leant down to kiss the colt, both of their tongues danced as their lips locked. Pulling away from the prench kiss she said "Now I will get to fuck your ass, bitch~ Submit to me as I mount you.”
Soarin was loving this dirty talk and he immediately obeyed his new sex partner, willfully showing off his flankside to the hermaphrodite pony, though a faint glimmer of fear flickered through his mind for just an instant.
"Mmm, you’re so eager for my cock. I love it!" exclaimed Spitfire, her dick first prodding his virgin asshole then pushing hard, the colt bit his lip fearing what would come next. "That hurts...ooo...." He winced as her hard throbbing member forced itself through his tense ass muscles. The tip penetrated and his muscles clenched around the cock. Spitfire then sighed in pleasure, grinding her meat inside him until the painful areas became numb. Once Soarin had calmed down the herm-pony thrusted her cock harder, hooves planted on his back. His talehole loosened up some, allowing Soarin to shove more of the cock into his ass, the mare moaning lavishly in pleasure. "It’s so, so tight, ooo, I love it so fucking much." Spitfire said to her colt-toy, her thrusts gradually turning moar wilddddddd and rrugh, Soarin was enjoying these harder thrusts. "Oh I want your seed!!!" the bitch-colt moaned out sensually to mare. "I’m gonna...c-cum...ahh...unff!" Spitfire spat out, nearing a second orgasm. Suddenly Soarin couldn't take the stimulation any more, cum spilled onto the tiled linoleum floor, while his flank muscles continued to suck in the herm cock, causing Spitfire to finally come violently, ropes of sponk burst all over Soarin’s insides.
Feeling the copious amounts of cum flowing inside him, filling his body, Soarin panted out exhaustedly at his partner, lying on the tiles, eyes looking up at Spitfire. "Mmm...let’s do this again sometime okay?" the mare asked, slowly pulling out from his ass. Soarin agreed with a tired "yes ma’am" as he watched spitfire trot towards the steamy hot water spraying from the shower.
That day he knew he had found himself a new lover in Spitfire, sure one more rough and dominating in nature than he had expected but, watching her lithe body as she cleaned off of their accumulated sex juices. Spitfire knew that this was just the beginning of a long series of erotic, and particularly indecent adventures together.
Lots of grammar mistakes... can't.. take it... much... LONGER.
I also do know that it is a joke/parody
, but it's killing me on the inside. 
Read the comment above yours for an edited version.
also, what do you others think about it? (I took a perverted joy in editing it so it IS that bad)
I found this story to be one of the most hilarious and weirdest clops I've ever read (and I've read some weird ones, believe me)
But it was soooooo funny I couldn't stop myself from finishing it, and for that I thank you good sir!
46631 I aim to please. Also, Annomini, I appreciate the work you put into rewriting the whole fic. Just don't try to steal it or something, okay?
I would never dream of it:
I don't even have any copies.
Moving on to another Trollfic which I also am having an immoral pleasure in editing...
Wow, only half the comments realize that this entire thing is a joke.
Why does this have 3000+ views? What is wrong with you people? This story is horrible.
I read it in an Arnold swartchinager voice
(Almost) Everything is misspelled how are yup supowezd to reeeed eyyirt
3851368
You don't. Read 43348Anon's second revision instead.
2145493
Only because you deliberately made it so. When I first saw this in 2012 I immediately downvoted it because it was utter garbage.
However, after seeing anon's translation just now, I ended up favoriting it.
Oh god, I broke the website. Sorry about that.
But my point still stands. I understand that's it's supposed to be a trollfic, but if the story had been like Anon's in the first place it would've had a decent reception.
I think I lost some brain cells reading this.