'Eggs... Fruit... Vegetables... Plenty of rice. Alright. Looks like I'm good!' you think to yourself over the hustle and bustle of the crowd.
Grabbing your massive bag of rice and hefting it over your shoulder, you grab the rest of your bags and make your way back to your home. You swear these ponies at the marketplace are just getting stingier and stingier these days. The only pony who even cut you a little bit of a break was Applejack. And of all the ponies that you wouldn't mind paying more to, was her.
There was just something about the way she smiled. That gorgeous blonde mane. Those emerald green eyes. She was… beauty incarnate, wrapped in a package of southern hospitality. One of these days, you need to get over your own private fears and finally ask her out on a date.
Putting one foot in front of the other, you send your mind racing for an idea.
This world was way different from Earth, and not just due to colorful equines. If there was one thing you learned through learning the culture of Equestria, it was that usually the mare chooses the stallion, not the other way around. It would be really atypical of you to ask Applejack on a date. Especially for how tomboyish she is.
Your mind continues to trail off as a goofy grin curls on your face.
However, Applejack wasn't your typical mare either. She could use a man like you helping her out at the farm. Yeah. Someone who would help her lift the heavy hay bales with her.
"Hey, Anon!" an unfamiliar voice calls.
You were certainly tall enough to help pick apples. You could reach towards the middle branches without even jumping. And you were definitely strong enough to take care of some of the weak trees here with a simple roundhouse kick. Plus, you'd be more than happy to to listen to her when she has a rough day at the market. All of that schooling back on Earth equipped you to help with the farm's budget. Especially after she asks you if you want to raise a little colt.
"Anon?" asks a voice, whose words don't reach your ears.
She would look absolutely stunning in her wedding dress. One that was likely passed down throughout her whole family for generations. You would wipe her tears when she cuddles into your chest that night, just hoping her Ma and Pa were still around to see her special day. Of course, you'd tell her that they were watching from above. And they were so proud of her.
"Anon!"
A blow upside the head breaks you from your daydream. You stumble on your feet, your balance compromised. Carefully, you try to catch yourself without losing any of your fresh groceries.
"W-what?” you ask, turning around.
A cyan blue pegasus hovers in the air, looking you eye to eye.
"What's up, Anon?" she asks, a smile now forming on her face. “I didn't get ya too bad, did I?”
"Oh! Nothing. Just thinking. What's new with you, Dash?"
"Oh, nothin. Just was wondering if you wanted to see something awesome!" she asks excitedly, her voice cracking.
What? She stopped you in the middle of the road for this?
Well, Dash is your bro. If she found something that she thinks is cool, it has to be pretty darn awesome. What the hell. Why not?
"Yeah! Sure. I got time. All I was going to do was cook when I get home,” you say.
Her ears perk and tail wags as she makes a small girlish noise of excitement.
“Alright, now hold your applause until the big finish,” she says.
And no more than a second she finishes her sentence, she zooms up into the sky. A long rainbow trail follows behind her as she speeds along.
How does she even do that? No, seriously. How? Doesn't that break some sort of laws of physics or-
Right. Ponyland. Got it.
Once she reaches the level of the clouds, Rainbow stops to wave at you. You hesitantly wave back, confused. Was this it?
Then, from afar you see that she holds up something red in her hoof.
Wait just a moment…
You look down into your cart, and sure enough, one of the bright, shiny red apples that you just purchased had gone missing.
"Hey! Wait!"
She throws the apple directly towards you, a part of your soul drops as it hurls towards the ground.
Catch? All she wanted to do was play catch? What the actual fuck, Rainbow?
You hold out your hands to catch it, not wanting to lose a part of your lunches for the week. Just as it's about to enter your outstretched hands, a flash of rainbow snatches the apple from midair. With a smug grin, she hovers next to you, shining the apple on her fur.
"Hold your applause... Hold your applause. I know. I'm awesome,” she says, dripping with pride.
"Uh. Nice," you answer tersely, turning away from her.
"Of course I'm not doing anything Frid- wait what?"
"Yeah. Uh, good job."
An expression of shock spreads across her face and her jaw hangs open.
"You mean... you weren't impressed?"
"Well... I knew you were fast. So... not really. Cool trick though."
"But wait, most of the guys would- After that would- Wait here."
Rainbow flies up into the air at an incredible speed. Your eyes follow her, but your line of sight goes directly into the sun, forcing you to shield your eyes. She rises above the clouds until she is no more a than a mere speck. Then, she gets bigger. And bigger. And Bigger.
Oh shit. She's heading straight for you. She's a good flier, but is she a good stopper?
You definitely weren't good at broken bones. Normally they just end up... well, broken.
You try to decide where to do, but she's just too fast. A massive boom sends a rainbow of color throughout the sky, circling from where her body broke mach speed.
Oh shit. This is it. Brace for impact!
You close your eyes and wince. The rice falls on the ground and you drop your bags, hearing the crunch of your week's worth of food as you shield yourself.
Then, nothing.
Just quiet.
You open your eyes and-
“Boop!” Rainbow says, tapping your nose with a hoof.
She hovered just inches away from your face, clearly much more satisfied with her latest aerial maneuver.
"Gotcha!” she said with a smile. “So! How about now? Wanna go back to my place and chill?"
"Uh. Not really. Tonight's kinda busy. I probably better get home," you answer, looking at your crushed groceries. “Gym tomorrow though?”
Picking your things back up and turn to her, as she wears an expression of defeat.
“Yeah, gym tomorrow,” she says, her ears drooped and wings lowered.
“Sweet. Can't wait, bro. Later!”
Turning away from her, you smile. Rainbow's such an awesome friend. It's awesome that you have such a great bro to chill out with in Equestria. Especially since you don't seem to gel with them very much.
You know, Rainbow is Applejack's friend. Maybe she could help set you up with her.
Hmmm… Well, only time will tell. You just wonder why she was acting so weird today.
Oh well, it was probably nothing.
>dem feels when you totally would notice favorite pone irl, but second person perspective forces you not to.
>Rainbow Dash
Absolutely disgusting.
6599296
>kappa
i think this would be fun to see updated in bursts
This reminds me of that time I tried talking to a girl.
It was very much fictional.
This is awesome!!!!!! MORE!!!!!
This was actually a pretty cute read, well done for not doing the instant hook up.
I don't know why you called this story "Oblivious".
There was nothing for Anon to be oblivious towards, just Dash doing some tricks.
Cute story.
6599296
ayyyyyy
Well usually the mare picks the stallion. *Rainbow does elaborate mating ritual.* I wonder if I will know when they are doing it.
why completed?
The story was entertaining to read but i feel like it lacked emphasis on the title? Its only mentioned for a sentence or 2 at the end and its quite short. Regardless good job FP.
But wouldn't this mean you were great at broken bones? Seeing as how they're doing exactly what it says
Rainbow Dash is such a dork. A wonderful, adorable dork.
This is actually pretty good.
6600290
Haha! Yay! Thank you!
6599293
I cri erytiem
6599360
HA!... Now I feel bad.
6599488
You know, neither do I!
6599585
Lmao
What! That wasn't even a conclusion! Need at less thirty more chapters....minimum.
Huh, you've actually got me to feel a little bad for Rainbow Dash. Congrates.
That was maybe the first page of a story. I'm not sure why the staff lets this sort of thing through.
You tagged this story wrong. There's no romance, there's no comedy, and I don't really see why the alt universe tag is there. The only tags that fit this story are Human and Slice of Life. The title of the story makes you think that the story is about Rainbow trying to win anon's heart, but all she does is show off to him and then they agree to go to the gym later. That is hardly trying to win someone's heart. Rainbow shows off to her friends all the time. Is that her way of showing romantic interest? Definitely not.
You showed absolutely no romance in this story whatsoever. There was no body language that showed Rainbow was interested in him, nor was there any dialogue to suggest a romantic interest. Same thing for the "comedy" part. What comedy? There's nothing funny about this story.
As for the story itself, I must admit that there's really no substance and it let me down. Your description promised us a lot, and it didn't deliver at all. For example:
You talk about the guy wanting a relationship with AJ, and how he would be able to help her out. This part is okay.
If Rainbow Dash is the human's best friend, then why did you write this?
If they're best friends, Rainbow's voice wouldn't be unfamiliar to him. On top of that, if they're best friends, why would Rainbow Dash strike him so hard that it made him stumble?
All this story talks about how anon is daydreaming about AJ plus Rainbow doing a trick that doesn't impress the guy. The title of the story is misleading, and doesn't describe your story at all. "Daydreaming" would be a better fit. Furthermore, calling Rainbow a "bro" doesn't feel right at all. If she was a stallion, then it'd feel okay, but as a mare? Nope. Her having a tomboy-ish attitude does not mean that she can be called a bro, and calling a girl a bro is like a black man calling a white man a nigga. It just doesn't add up.
Now, back to your description:
Literally, the only part of your description that would fit in this story is the first line. Anon doesn't ask Rainbow for help trying to get Applejack's heart, and you show no evidence of them being best "bros". Since the story is marked as complete, you're telling us that there isn't going to be anymore content.
I have no idea how this got into the feature box. I really wanted to like this story. I love cute things, and the title coupled with the cute artwork made me think this was going to be something adorable. It's written fairly well, but that's about all the story has going for it.
6600394
Thank you. I'll fix the tags.
I'll be blunt with you, I have no idea how it did either. This was something old I threw up because I was being nagged to do it. I didn't expect that it would blow up like this. You're correct. There's absolutely no substance. I frankly didn't want this to be featured because it's a very poor representation of the rest of my work. I suppose what's done is done though. The story -is- very misleading. I will be taking all of your comments into consideration if/when I add anything else onto this. Thank you for taking the time to write a detailed critique of my story. It's very rare that something like that happens on this site.
6600358
Ayyyyy
Should be interesting to see one of these "Rainbro" stories actually finish.
6600394 "bro" has evolved into a gender neutral term for "cool friend"
6599488 Better than all those that can't decide and go with the "Obvious" answer of a herd...
6600394 dude you just opened the mother of all can of worms with "N" word dude...unless your black...in which case nevermind. Still choose your words wisely bro, just saying.
6600730 ...seriously?
6600742 hey man i'm just saying there are certain words certain races can't use.
6600744 Pfffft fuck that. I'll say what I want.
6600755 ok don't say i didn't warn ya.
6600744 Nigger.
I did just in fact use the word, negating your claim that some races "can't" use the word. Before educating people on what they "can" and "can't" do, learn the meaning of the word "can".
6600769 Freedom of Speech FTW.
6600769
6600771
This comment tree made my day. You niggas are the best.
6600769 ok lety me rephrase myself. On here you can say that cause of your anonymity, but in a social situation if you were to say that word ESPECIALLY the version ending in ER its not going to end well when i said there are words certain races CAN'T use i meant from a social stand point, granted it was my fault for not specifying that and i apologize. but that word is deeply rooted in hate and the African American culture use that word to describe there friends to defuse the hate that old racist white men had attached to the word so many years ago. It's a matter of being culturally sensitive to the the other traces that to be honest have gotten the shit end of the stick there whole life. at a socioeconomic stand point cultural progress can not be fully achieved unless that word stays within its intended race and any other race that the original race deems allowed to use set word.
6600790 So you're now implying that all black people are violent, anti-white people who would snap at a single word?
...wow
This whole comment section right now.
Guys. This is a story about rainbow dash. Let's talk about rainbow ponies, big green humans, and skittles, and sunshine, and happiness, and love, and...
Ugh. Nevermind. Continue
6600793 no now your twisting my words I'm not implying anything, at most you use that word around them and you will be offending them, thats it. I'm never said they were violent on the contrary from what I've seen they will calmly explain why your not allowed to use that. secondly i'm not anti white i have just noticed that white people don't realize how we live. back in 2006 there was a case in Washington were they took a poll of the average intelligence of college campus students. according to the data there was little to know differences the 3 students of 4 different demographics all scored nearly equal on the IQ test now they did an experiment, and some places accepted the Caucasian students over the other 4 races. Showing that some colleges will decline minorities for the simple fact theat they are people of color. and its ridiculous they all scored high IQ's there should been no reason for the Caucasian side to be chosen above the others and thirdly anyone can be violent you walk up and accidentally bump a random white guy there is chance he will get violent. Violence is deeply rooted in human nature not race. and implying that i said one specific race was violent is assanine and very close minded. So please sir pay attention when you read.
6600793 anyone can snap at a single word its something some humans have called a "Hair trigger" some one could get violent cause simply said you dont like the color of there shoes or there hairstyle or there attitiude. again know your facts before you start twisting words and play the blame game.
6600810 but muh social justice
That's weird. I know like 3 black people and I use the word "nigger" around them all the time. Funnily enough, I haven't been lynched because amazingly, black people aren't all thin-skinned wusses who can't handle the word "nigger" being thrown around without having a mental breakdown.
Don't speak for an entire group of people, broheimer, it makes you look like a twat. Especially if you're white. You're not a white person speaking for all black people... are you?
Son, I don't think you fully understand what you just said. Socioeconomics is the study of society in relation to money and markets.
"Intended race". Holy shit dude what are you smoking. You need to stop before your hole breaks through the Earth's crust.
gifwave.com/media/22211_popcorn-batman-the-joker.gif
6599666
She's a pegasus so oh my god yes, second chapter dereyougo.
I hate the fact that it makes Me/Anon as oblivious as all fucking hell.
But I'll let this one slide.
Because Dashie.
6600865
6600825
6600793
6600836
Hey guys
stop
Thanks
Have a nice day.
6600953
Hi Obs.
I stopped over an hour ago.
You're welcome.
You have a nice day too.
6600953
Spook.
Veri Spookie
Your profile picture.
HAI!
You read this wrong.
Well. That feels like the start of a story.
Oh look, another story with Rainbro! I bet the comment section isn't full of weirdness.
*five minutes later*
Never mind.
FREEDOM OF SPEECH MAH NIGGAS! *struts*
Dorky Rainbow is best dork
Nicely done.
I SEE YOU REGI!
I SEE YOU DOWN THERE!
8D
Also:
You deserve a medal.
Am I the I the only one feeling cuckolded?