The Rise and Fall of Equestria

A new hero rises up to the challenge when Discord steals the elements of harmony now Twilight and her friends can't save ponyVille but all is not lost when The Living Tomb Stone steps in and Kicks some Discord butt!! But in this tale of romance and sacrifice and horror, Tomb Stone must learn to become a hero he was meant to be. Will he get the girl of his dreams or will she die right before his eyes. Find out in this wonderful story of, The Rise and Fall of Equestria!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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Yip

Yip #1 · Jun 2nd, 2012 · · ·

bwahaha? A space before a question mark? A cliched opening? Like 6 rhetorical questions in a row? All just a small taste of the first paragraph?

Sorry, but this needs revision.

SnowyNightt

SnowyNightt #2 · Jun 2nd, 2012 · · ·

"You still want me to come at you bro?"
Really? Not trying to be an ass here, but I think you need to rethink your dialogue for Discord.

Raven Smite

Raven Smite #3 · Jun 2nd, 2012 · · ·

Ummm... Saw the cover art, and I couldn't resist. But, Yipyapper is right, this needs a LOT of revision....

Distrance

Distrance #4 · Jun 2nd, 2012 · · ·

Well now...

There isn't any build-up whatsoever to feel any connection with our hero or anypony else, especially when we get to the subtle emotionless moment with his 'love' for Rainbow Dash. Yea? When did this come about? Whether or not the real guy 'loves' RD or not, this is still a story that requires backstory.

I mean, man what is this a Japanese anime? Could they drag out a fight scene any more than they already have?

This whole fic really irks me to the point of which I sit here and say, "why?"
.

benxlabs

benxlabs #5 · Jun 2nd, 2012 · · ·

I'm pretty sure the living tombstone is a guy from "Bronys React". Did you get his permission? Also, super cliche plot. You also have some punctuation and grammar problems.

rainbow dash 4Life