The school day had ended half an hour ago, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Silver Spoon, and Diamond Tiara were relaxing at Sugar Cube Corner.
"Well, we sure learned a lot about kids at school we don't really talk to much," Scootaloo said, "but I think we need more practice at this whole perverse-engineering thing."
"Reverse-engineering," Sweetie Belle corrected.
"What are you, a—"
"Yes, I'm a dictionary." Sweetie Belle slurped her milkshake. "But yeah, Twilight's advice was good and all, but I feel like we still need more to work with."
"Yeah, that didn't get us as far as I thought it would," Silver Spoon agreed. Brightly, she added, "Maybe talking to some older ponies? Grown-ups have had a lot longer to think about their Cutie Marks."
"Hey, yeah!" Diamond Tiara said. "Maybe Princess Twilight's friends—"
"NO!" the Crusaders shouted in unison. At the other fillies' stunned blinks, the Crusaders blushed.
"Sorry," Apple Bloom said. "We, uhh...we already did that. With Twilight and her friends. A long time ago."
"That was a really long day," Scootaloo muttered.
"Besides, their Cutie Mark stories aren't exactly what you'd call normal," Sweetie Belle said. "They all got their Cutie Marks at the exact same time, like us."
"Huh," Diamond Tiara said. "I did not know that."
"Yeah, it involved a pegasus race and a Sonic Rainboom...really crazy story." Apple Bloom shoved a cookie in her mouth and crunched noisily.
A grey pegasus trotted past their table, headed for the counter. Silver Spoon watched her pass, muzzle propped on a hoof. "Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "You know, I've always wondered..."
"Hm?" Apple Bloom grunted around her cookie. She swallowed, then asked, "Wondered whut?"
Diamond Tiara followed Silver Spoon's gaze. Her muzzle crinkled. "Yeah, there's a lot to wonder about there."
Scootaloo elbowed her. "Be nice."
They watched the pegasus buy four large blueberry muffins, then trot cheerfully for the exit. Seven bubbles adorned her flank. "She's a mailpony, right?" Silver Spoon asked.
"Yeah, sometimes," Apple Bloom said. "Ah think she does odd jobs too. Ah know she ain't too good at nothin' she does..."
"Because she's ridiculously clumsy," Scootaloo added.
"So what's up with her Cutie Mark?" Diamond Tiara wondered aloud.
And then, it happened. The Crusaders' Cutie Marks suddenly lit up brightly.
The fillies looked at each other, eyes wide.
Pinkie Pie wandered over. "Hey, umm...girls? Your butts are glowing." She gasped. "Is it the Cutie Map? Are you being summoned to help with a friendship problem? No wait...that only happens to—"
"I think we just found a Cutie Mark problem," Sweetie Belle said over her.
"What, her?" Diamond Tiara asked, pointing a hoof at the grey rump disappearing through the door.
The Crusaders nodded to each other, got up, and trotted rapidly after her. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at one another, shrugged, and followed.
When Pinkie Pie realized she was talking to an empty table, she blinked twice, mentally backtracked, and gasped again. "Oh my gosh! CMCs in action! Mrs. Cake, I'm taking a break!" And with that, she zipped off in a pink blur.
* * * * *
The fillies found their quarry sitting on a bench, happily munching a muffin. As they approached, furious whispering flew back and forth:
"So umm...what was her name again?"
"I think it's Derpy? Rainbow Dash always calls her that."
"Ah thought it was Ditzy Doo?"
"I always hear Derpy."
"Really? I could've sworn it was Muffins."
The fillies approached the bench. Apple Bloom stepped forward, clearing her throat.
The mare looked at them and smiled. "Oh, hi Cutie Mark Crusaders! Congratulations on finally getting your Cutie Marks!"
"Thanks," Apple Bloom said. She rubbed one foreleg nervously with the other. "Listen, umm...Miss Doo, wasn't it?"
The pegasus paused. "Am I Ditzy Doo today? I thought I was Muffins today."
The fillies looked at each other, blinking in confusion. "Huh?" Sweetie Belle asked.
The pegasus smiled sheepishly. "Everypony uses a different name for me every day."
"Yeah, but...what's your actual name?" Diamond Tiara asked.
The grey mare shrugged. "I don't even know anymore," she said. "I forgot years ago."
Five fillies faceplanted into the ground.
"Let's just go with Derpy then," Scootaloo suggested in a half-grumble.
"Okay!" Derpy said cheerfully, finishing the last bite of her muffin. "So, what's up, girls?"
"Well..." Sweetie Belle picked herself up and shook herself off. "We were just wondering about your Cutie Mark."
"Yeah, it kinda set off our, umm...Trinity magic," Apple Bloom said. "At least, Ah think it did. We just kinda got th' sense somethin's off."
"Oh, okay," Derpy said, looking at her own flank. "Yeah, I have no idea what my Cutie Mark is all about." She shrugged. "I woke up with it one morning and I was like, 'huh?' But after a few days, I just kinda gave up caring because it wasn't worth worrying about."
Silver Spoon blinked. "But...it's your Cutie Mark," she said. "It...it defines who you are and what your talent is."
"I dunno," Derpy said. "All I do is deliver stuff, klutz up, and eat muffins. That's just who I am. I have no idea how bubbles have anything to do with that."
"But...don't you wanna know?" Apple Bloom asked.
Derpy studied the fillies, then shrugged again. "Sure, I guess. I mean, it'd be nice to know, even if it wouldn't really change anything for me." She tilted her head. "But how do we find out what it means?"
Sweetie Belle grinned. "Well, our special talent is helping other ponies find their special talent, so if you just roll with us for a bit, I'm sure we'll figure it out sooner or later."
Derpy smiled. "Okay!"
Diamond Tiara tapped a hoof. "This isn't gonna involve one of those charts of crazy things to try like you keep at your clubhouse, is it?"
The Crusaders looked at one another and grinned.
* * * * *
Derpy frowned at the scuba mask. "Are you girls sure about this?"
"Well, bubbles could mean you're good at deep sea diving," Scootaloo said. "And wouldn't that be awesome?"
"I guess?" Derpy shrugged as Sweetie Belle helped her adjust her mask and tank. Hesitantly, she jumped into the lake with a big splash.
Twenty minutes later, one mare and five fillies lay on the shore of the lake, soaking wet from mane to tail and covered with lake algae. Diamond Tiara spat out a minnow and glared at the Crusaders. "Seriously?"
"Don't look at us!" Apple Bloom said, waving a hoof at Derpy. "How were we supposed to know she couldn't swim?"
"You didn't think to maybe ask?" Silver Spoon said archly.
Derpy tugged off her scuba mask and smiled sheepishly at the girls. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't know I couldn't swim either."
Diamond Tiara growled as she surveyed the damage to her coat and mane. "Now I'm starting to wonder if being friends with you three is a good idea," she said sourly. "Ugh!"
"Hey, it ain't like we do this on purpose," Apple Bloom said.
"Yeah, you have any idea how many baths we hafta take after somethin' like this?" Scootaloo asked.
"Speaking of which," Sweetie Belle said, "that brings us to the next item on the list: bubble baths!"
"Ooh, that sounds like fun," Derpy said. "And safer than scuba diving!"
"Well...a bubble bath does sound pleasant," Silver Spoon said.
"Ooh! I've got a nice big scrubba-dubba tub you can use!"
The fillies and Derpy jumped, startled, and turned to see Pinkie Pie lounging by the lake, a big bowl of candy corn in her hooves. "Pinkie Pie?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Have you been there this whole time?"
"Yeppers!"
Scootaloo frowned. "And you didn't think to help us pull Derpy outta the lake why?"
Pinkie giggled. "Silly! And get covered in bleeches like you all did?"
The fillies blinked. "Bleeches?"
Pinkie trotted over and dug a hoof into Diamond Tiara's mane, pulling out a fat little albino tube leech that was slightly lavender at one end. "Bleeches!"
"GAH!" Diamond Tiara shrieked. "GAAAH!"
Scootaloo frowned and ran a hoof over her side. Another bleech fell off; this one had started to turn orange. Where it had latched onto her, her coat was discolored.
"Oh horseapples," Sweetie Belle moaned as she frantically combed through her mane, tail, and coat with her magic, dislodging a dozen bleeches.
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Come with me," she said. "I've got bleech remover and coat conditioner that'll fix you right up."
"But...just...with these things still all over us?" Diamond Tiara demanded.
"Oh, they're harmless," Pinkie Pie said. "They're just sucking the color out of your hair! Like I said, I can fix this."
Five fillies and one mare trotted after her. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon kept casting surly and disgusted looks back at the Crusaders, who looked sheepish and embarrassed.
* * * * *
Freshly clean, scrubbed, de-bleeched, and vibrant, two mares and five fillies lounged around a large table, sipping sodas. "Well, that was fun, but I don't think taking a bubble bath is my special talent," Derpy said, letting out a mighty belch.
"Of course not, it's Spike's!" Pinkie said with a giggle and a snort.
"Farting in the tub's probably not it either," Silver Spoon said with a grimace of distaste. Derpy blushed sheepishly.
"What about blowin' soap bubbles?" Apple Bloom suggested. "Y'know, with one'a them bubble wands?"
"I think she'd have a bubble wand with her Cutie Mark if that was it," Diamond Tiara said.
"I was never any good at blowing bubbles anyway," Derpy said. "They always came out square." She let out another huge belch, then peered at her soda bottle with one eye shut. "There's too much fizz and not enough syrup in this," she complained.
"What do you mean?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Tastes like any other soda I've ever had."
"Same here," Apple Bloom said.
"I guess I still miss the old hoof-made fountain drinks from when I was your age," Derpy said with a wistful sigh.
"Fountain drinks?" Scootaloo asked.
"Yeah, back before the Cakes opened Sugar Cube Corner, the old place that was there used to have this soda fountain," Derpy said. A dreamy smile crossed her muzzle. "They used to have the best cream sodas. I'd go there every day after school!" She tilted her head. "Actually, when Mr. Soda Jerk moved away from Ponyville, they left behind the old soda fountain, and I talked Mr. and Mrs. Cake into selling it to my daddy cheap because they were just gonna throw it out. I had a fun few weeks with that old soda fountain, but then it just kinda ended up in the shed." She looked down and sighed. "You kids don't know what a real soda tastes like," she said.
The five fillies looked at each other, eyes wide. A slow, crafty smile spread across Apple Bloom's face. "Are you girls thinkin' whut Ah'm thinkin'?"
"I think so, Apple Brain," Pinkie said, "but what does re-enacting the building of the pyramids of Anugypt with rubber chickens and chihuahua slaves have to do with Derpy's Cutie Mark?"
Everypony stared at her.
"What?" Pinkie whined. "You set up the joke!"
Apple Bloom gave her a half-lidded glance. "Your elevator don't quite go all the way t' th' top floor, does it?"
"Nope!"
Apple Bloom groaned. "Anyway, here's the plan..." She gathered everypony for a huddle.
* * * * *
"So what do you think, Daddy?" Diamond Tiara asked. The five fillies, Pinkie, and Derpy all stood before Filthy Rich.
Filthy Rich scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I don't rightly know, pumpkin," he said slowly. "I already have a very lucrative contract selling Pony-Cola at Barnyard Bargains. This don't seem like it'd be—"
"And you'd still keep selling that," Scootaloo interjected. "I mean it'd be cheaper and ponies would still wanna keep it in their own homes or to drink on the go. Besides, it's not like everypony would want fountain drinks all the time. Some might prefer Pony-Cola."
"This is just an added opportunity," Silver Spoon said. "You know, diversification!"
"Actually, it'd just be a loan," Apple Bloom said. "You have business connections and finances, you could get the equipment and the start-up supplies, then the Cakes and Miss Derpy could pay you back out of the fountain soda sales until you're square."
"Hmm." Filthy tilted his head. "Well, I do remember Soda Jerk's old soda shop, of course," he said. He smiled fondly. "Why, Spoiled and I had some of our very first dates there." He appraised the fillies shrewdly. "Now, the Cakes are willin' to go along with this?"
"Oh, I'm sure I can convince them," Pinkie said. "Besides, they could use the extra bits. I mean, business is great and all, but the twins are growing up fast, and you know how much it costs to raise a foal these days!"
"True, true," Filthy Rich said, nodding. "Well, alright, I'll go ahead and order everything you'll need, but everything else is up to you, including payin' me back." He gave Derpy a stern look. "You sure you wanna get into this?"
Derpy nodded. "Oh, absolutely," she said. "I mean, bringing back good old fashioned fountain sodas to Ponyville? It feels...it feels right."
Filthy Rich laughed. "Heh! Well, alright then. Pleasure doin' business with you, Miss Doo."
As the group left Diamond Tiara's house, Apple Bloom turned to Pinkie. "Now all that's left is to get the Cakes on board."
"Leave that to me!"
* * * * *
Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked at the group, blinking. "You wanna do what now?" Carrot asked.
"We wanna set up a soda fountain here at Sugar Cube Corner!" Pinkie said. "Derpy'll run it by herself, Filthy Rich already agreed to finance the start-up expenses."
"We'll split the profits any way you want," Derpy said sincerely. "I don't care about the bits, I just wanna bring back the fountain sodas I loved when I was a filly."
"It's a good idea," Sweetie Belle said. "It won't take up much space and it'll really increase business!"
"You remember how popular Soda Jerk's shop was when we were all kids, right?" Derpy asked. "I mean, you two were barely out of your teens when you came to Ponyville."
"Well, that's true enough," Carrot said. "Cup Cake? What do you think?"
Cup put a hoof to her muzzle. "Well, as long as it's not costing us anything but floor space..."
* * * * *
Two weeks later, the five fillies sat at a corner table at Sugar Cube Corner. The little bakery was busier than ever; three days earlier, Mr. Cake had installed a jukebox, which was playing lively music as ponies of all ages talked, laughed, ate baked treats, and slurped a variety of freshly-made sodas from tall, wide fountain glasses.
At one end of the counter, Derpy stood, wearing an apron, a bow tie, and a little white hat with blue trim. She waved cheerfully to the Crusaders with one wing as she scooped crushed ice into a glass and sprayed soda from a nozzle, then stirred in flavored syrup and added a ripe cherry. She topped it with a dollop of whipped cream before handing it to Twist, who smiled brightly as she took her first big sip.
"Oh my, it's become rather lively in here, hasn't it?" Rarity asked as she, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash made their way through the store.
"You gotta try the root beer floats, Twilight," Rainbow said enthusiastically. "So awesome!"
"Can't wait!" As they reached the Crusaders, they slowed. Twilight smiled at the fillies. "Congratulations, girls. I heard all about how you helped Ditzy Doo figure out her special talent."
"Yeah, who knew Derpy could make the best sodas in Equestria?" Rainbow Dash said. "Or anything at all that isn't a total disaster."
Twilight cuffed her upside the head with a wing, then turned back to the fillies. "So how did you know she needed help?"
Apple Bloom shrugged. "Our Cutie Marks started glowin', kinda like how y'all's do when th' Cutie Map calls you."
"Really!" Twilight's eyes sparkled. "That's interesting! I'll have to research that."
"Egghead later. Egg cream now!" Rainbow insisted.
"I thought we were getting root beer floats?"
The Crusaders and their friends giggled as the mares wandered over to the fountain. "I have to admit," Diamond Tiara said, "it feels good to help you three help other ponies. Even if we did end up covered in bleeches."
"Hanging out with you three is way more fun than I ever thought it'd be," Silver Spoon said. "We should've been your friends a long time ago!"
Sweetie Belle smiled. "Here's to friendship!" She raised her glass, and the others clinked theirs against it.
This was a nice chapter. Not only did we get a unique interpretation of Derpy's Cutie Mark (as well as rather amusing and heartstring-tugging depth to her character), we got a greater understanding of the Crusaders' new magic, good character interaction, and good world building. Seriously, bleeches? That's just clever!
7575103 I believe it's pronounced 'destinies'.
I'm pleasantly surprised to send this updated.
Cool chapter, good humor and a good story
Liked the meta jokes on Derpy's name and cutie mark. Adorable ending too.
Breeches should totally be canon, thats a really unique and funny idea.
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I think bleeches might be one of the best one-shot gags I've read in a Fimfic.
So begins the new adventures of the CMC in helping with cutie marks. I do wonder though just what else Trinity Magic can do?
7640881 Though Anugypt is probably the most creative/clever country name pun I've ever heard in this fandom. Maybe even in my life.
Wow, I wasn't expected this particular corpse of a fanfic to be revived after such a long hiatus.
Was it worth the year-long wait? Why, yes it was. All of the characters are on point, the dialogue sparkles, and the series of events that transpires feels naturally unforced.
I especially like the way you're written post-COTLM Diamond Tiara here: better behaved, but still maintaining that ever-present sass we all love so much. Her, Silver Spoon and the CMC make for a pretty good team, and I look forward to reading about their future misadventures together.
All in all, great work. But, hey... less of a gap between updates next time, yus?
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Anugypt is actually from the comics.
7640960 Could've done without the passive-aggressive complaints, but other than that, thanks.
7641003 Sorry, just me getting across my frustration at such a good story taking so long to be added to. I should know, I'm getting a lot of enquiries about when I'm going to concieve another chapter to one of my own.
All in good time my dears, all in good ttiimmee...
First off, I'm so going to have to remember the bleeches, that was a clever idea.
I also liked the "Pinkie" and the Brain joke.
Not a bad chapter, nice to see an update.
"Many are my names in many countries, Ditzy Doo among the deer, Bubbles among the dogs; Bright Eyes I was in my youth in the west that is forgotten, in the south Derpy Hooves, in the north Muffins; to the east I go not."
"Why not?"
"Let's just say there's a stallion with one eye who's not too happy with me."
I really like the bleeches. A perfect fit in Equestria's pun-based ecology.
"My elevator's Wonka certified! By the time it reaches the top floor, it's in a different building."
I have a rather obvious bias making me favor this chapter, but even if it didn't feature Best Pony, I'd have loved it. Great to see the Crusaders in action, and to see a tribute to an all-but-lost art. The glowing marks are especially interesting. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
This story is on the move again. I don't want to wait a year for another update, however...
I'm sorry, Pinkie, but the joke doesn't work. It's pondering, not thinking. And do you think Apple Bloom is the kind of filly who ponders?
There was a soda fountain near my college, and my preferred drink was a chocolate Coke.
7641429 So Derpy Dash does NOT fly east?
Kinda figured you'd like this chapter.
I've also heard that her name was supposed to be "Bright Eyes" at one point, though perhaps I'm wrong.
Chapters like this are why I leave so many stories waiting in the "Read Me Later", knowing that good writing is a matter of opportunity, not haste. (Heck, Georg just updated one story a year after the first chapter!)
Maybe Five Fillies of Fury will take it to Manehatten?
TO FRIENDSHIP! *tink*
Nice update!
The story lives and we get fun with Derpy. Yay!
I'm not sure I want to know what that means.
7643555 That'd be what Japanese filmmakers do to make live-action tentacle porn.
Well, this was a pleasant surprise!
Whatever you do, don't ask her.
Seriously, don't.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/11/5/143616/full.jpg
That fourth wall is going down.
Twenty minutes later, Sweetie Belle turned to Scootaloo and asked nervously: "Don't you think Derpy should have come back up by now?"
"Don't worry. She must be really good at diving!"
Regardless of how time works in the series, Apple Bloom should have known that answer by now.
Anyways, this was a fun chapter.
Looks good so far, looking forward to seeing more! :)
Can't believe it took me this long to see this updated. Good to see that Derpy was the first official post the CMC helped. Derby being good with soda, I admit I like the idea.
Really good chapter. Someone should draw Derpy, the soda magician.
This chapter was adorable, but I do have a lingering question. Why didn't the CMC consult the map first?
7652480 Because it wasn't a Cutie Map problem, it was a Cutie Mark problem. They sensed where they were needed, they didn't even think to go to the castle first.
Then Pinkie gasped in horror at Apple Bloom, "Oh no! You've got 'Bleaches'!"
AB blinked, "But, ain't that what you jess said the others had?"
Pinkie shook her head, which sounded oddly like a rattling jar of marbles, "Nonononono! Bleaches are terrible things! They result in radical power gaming and really long-winded villain-of-the-week fights which really don't contribute anything meaningful in the end! Look!" She reached into AB's mane and pulled out Ulquiorra Cipher.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/085/9/5/my_little_ulquiorra_by_afunny-d4u1dwk.png
"How odd," the non-emotive Vast Lorde commented. "I was just in another fanfic with these diminutive equines."
THE BLEECH AND POLISH REMOVER MEMES HAD COLLIDED!!!!!
I wonder if the CMC will ever help Derpy out like that in canon. That mare deserves as much a happy ending as the CMC got.
Btw, do you intend to incorporate Gabby and the dancing colt into this story?
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Maybe if the meme reaches the writers, they might end up putting in the series. There have been a few other fandom memes that were given a nod, I think.
You know there aren't enough people who explore what derpy's Cutie Mark means! Not only that, but this is certainly one of the more unique ones I have read! Bravo!
Great chapter! Kudos for coming up with something for Derpy that both fits and works. It's a very 'normal' cutie mark for our eccentric mailmare, but that's actually perfectly fine with me.
Also bleeches. I was skeptical at first, but you convinced me.