Derpy for Princess of Equestria WE WANT YOU!
Writers Notes: this is my first fanfic regarding the 3rd wonderbolt, i am just a new brony and i hope you bear with me, i dont know if the 3rd wonderbolt is already named or not, but as stated this is my first fanfic and i hope you guys enjoy~~ /)^3^(
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moar? :3
34308
Chapter 2 is up!
:3 "squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
You're on the right track here mate, and it always pleases me to see someone take up writing. It's a very rewarding hobby to have.
Allow me to help set a few rules straight when it comes to structuring writing. You've separated them into paragraphs, which always make it easier to read, but one paragraph is supposed to have one topic. Once you start on a new thought, the paragraph must end. There's a rule writers go by that's very simple to remember: every time somebody (somepony in this case) new starts speaking, break that off into another paragraph. I'll use your very first paragraph as an example.
---
"SOARIN'!", a loud and irretated sound was heard in the hallways of wonderbolts HQ, "Soarin'!!!", again it came, now from the HQ Lounge only to be ignored. "OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!! , SOARING CLOUD YOU BETTER GET YOUR FLANK OVER HERE OR SO HELP ME LUNA YOU WILL BE SORRY NOT LISTENING TO ME!!", and within seconds a blue manned pegasus stallion covered with pie in his mouth is standing in front of the 2 awaiting Pegasus. "ummm sorry for that guys i was having a light snack, ehehehe..." said soarin' with a sheepish smile, a slight blush and a face still covered with pie. "hahaha!! jeez soarin' when spitfire mentions your full name it really means something huh?!" said a golden manned pegasus stallion sitting on the floor with a pair of earphones on and a wonderbolt goggles dangling in his neck, next to him was an irate spitfire ready to burst out a world of pain to the late soarin', if it were any other day it would be okay, but today was an important day, the day that they pay a visit to princess celestia and princess luna in canterlot, due to the request of princess celestia that one of the Elements of harmony join them as a member of the wonderbolts.
That, would become this:
"SOARIN'!", a loud and irretated sound was heard in the hallways of wonderbolts HQ, "Soarin'!!!", again it came, now from the HQ Lounge only to be ignored. "OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!! , SOARING CLOUD YOU BETTER GET YOUR FLANK OVER HERE OR SO HELP ME LUNA YOU WILL BE SORRY NOT LISTENING TO ME!!", and within seconds a blue manned pegasus stallion covered with pie in his mouth is standing in front of the 2 awaiting Pegasus.
"ummm sorry for that guys i was having a light snack, ehehehe..." said soarin' with a sheepish smile, a slight blush and a face still covered with pie.
"hahaha!! jeez soarin' when spitfire mentions your full name it really means something huh?!" said a golden manned pegasus stallion sitting on the floor with a pair of earphones on and a wonderbolt goggles dangling in his neck, next to him was an irate spitfire ready to burst out a world of pain to the late soarin', if it were any other day it would be okay, but today was an important day, the day that they pay a visit to princess celestia and princess luna in canterlot, due to the request of princess celestia that one of the Elements of harmony join them as a member of the wonderbolts.
---
Simple, no? It does wonders to make it easier to read. If you want to be even fancier, you could add an indentation to your paragraphs, though that's more of a personal preference. It's up to you really.
Also, proof-reading your work before publishing is crucial. There's quite a number of punctuation and capitalization errors throughout it which could be easily remedied by a quick read-through. Remember - each sentence must begin with a capital letter, and the same goes for names.
As a final point of advice, use CAPS sparingly. There's a reason you don't see caps in any real published works; its obtrusive and quick frankly annoying to the reader. Instead, let your descriptions tell the story, not the dialogue. For example:
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?" I said.
I could make that better by doing:
"What do you mean!?" I yelled harshly, taking bold step forward.
Viola. Anyway, happy writing!
34506
thank you for giveing me the instructions
i have been trying my best to edit most of em too
anyways i'll take up your advice and thank you for that
It is generally accepted that the third wonderbolt is Surprise.
http://asksurprise.tumblr.com/
The incredibly excellent "Ask Surprise" Tumblr, which stars a reinterpretation of the G1 Pony surprise, made this post a while back:
http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqr84oZogX1r2ulmeo1_1280.png?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1321733142&Signature=vpx59wKF7Rpb8c6hQWZDVlMlEus%3D
34840
moar? :3 i likey....a loty.....:3
35125
wow that was quick
just finished the 3rd chapter
im at work, ima post chapter 4 tommorow, thanks for reading
34908
Yes, but she sorta snuck her way into current fanon when Lauren said she was Pinkie's original concept.
very nice....and no, i dont really care bout grammar and spelling and capitilization and any of that just as long as its a good story to read :3
i can tell this will rise up to the top....and win
lol that means alot, thanks
oooh nice ending, cant wait until the next one comes out :D
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