Golden Flash

by rikkuidol

The Golden Flash

"SOARIN'!", a loud and irretated sound was heard in the hallways of wonderbolts HQ, "Soarin'!!!", again it came, now from the HQ Lounge only to be ignored. "OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!! , SOARING CLOUD YOU BETTER GET YOUR FLANK OVER HERE OR SO HELP ME LUNA YOU WILL BE SORRY NOT LISTENING TO ME!!", and within seconds a blue manned pegasus stallion covered with pie in his mouth is standing in front of the 2 awaiting Pegasus.

"ummm sorry for that guys i was having a light snack, ehehehe..." said soarin' with a sheepish smile, a slight blush and a face still covered with pie.

"hahaha!! jeez soarin' when spitfire mentions your full name it really means something huh?!" said a golden manned pegasus stallion sitting on the floor with a pair of earphones on and a wonderbolt goggles dangling in his neck.

Next to him was an irate spitfire ready to burst out a world of pain to the late soarin', if it were any other day it would be okay, but today was an important day, the day that they pay a visit to princess celestia and princess luna in canterlot, due to the request of princess celestia that one of the Elements of harmony join them as a member of the wonderbolts.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS SOARIN, DO YOU?!" said the agitated spitfire

"We had a personal request from the princess! And as part of her personal fliers the BEST in Equestria!, we need to comply! if it's any other day it would be ok to be late, we've known each other for too long and you know i don't like leaving people hanging, especially the princess" and with a sigh "today is something special, an Element of Harmony, a mare with a dream and talent wants to become a wonderbolt, weren’t we the same before?" said spitfire holding onto her uniform

"did you forget?" added spitfire with a frown.

"Sorry spitfire i-i-i was just hungry and you know me, it's just... sorry" said soarin' looking down and wiping his face clearing off some pie left in his muzzle. With a huge sigh spitfire got near soarin and flicked a small pie crumb in the top of soarin's nose and nuzzled him,

"It's ok, never mind the past, i know you more than anyone" said spitfire "Now cmon' we still have like 30 mins. till the "audition" she added.

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in the corner of the meeting room after laughing his flank from the lecturing soarin had from spitfire, sat a golden manned stallion Pegasus, his name, Golden Flash, as his name states his cutie mark is of a flash much like in cartoons when a flash from a camera is being shown. They say a sonic rainboom was just a legend, but of course it wasn't made a legend or even a story if no one ever saw it or even had an idea of it, in golden flash's state a sonic rainboom isn't supposed to be possible for any pony but himself, and for this young pony it's just step 2 of his best 3 trick flash, the final step being the "golden light" but that step will be saved to show it to the so called Element of Harmony named "Rainbow Dash". That name, in the far reaches of golden flashes mind the name
"Rainbow dash" somehow pinched, it's like he's forgetting something, something important, if not important something he really needs to prove, something, every time he hears that name.

"YO FLASH! Let's MOVE!!" screamed spitfire,

"yeah, yeah you don’t need to tell me twice~"

and with that the 3 wonderbolts readied themselves and with a few seconds they flew out of the HQ with their signature thunder cloud trail heading for canterlot, where a nervous rainbow dash awaits her audition to become a member of her lifelong dream team the "Wonderbolts" but there is more to this audition/recruitment than meets the eye.

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At the Castle yard in canterlot a nervous talented young mare awaits her Idols, ever since this morning or even last night she couldn’t keep her excitement to herself, when she finally got the letter from princess celestia on congratulating her and inviting her for a chance to be one of the wonderbolts, the young mare couldn’t sleep, eat or even standstill, even after this she readied her mind and thought off all the tricks she practiced over the years and to finally let the wonderbolts see her hard work and preservation.

"u-um...R-r-rainbow dash...?' said a soft familiar voice.

"Huh?" Said rainbow dash, snapping back to reality

"Who..?, oh! hey Fluttershy what's up?"

"ummmmm, Are y-y-ou ok?" said fluttershy in her somehow normal soft small voice.

"Y-y-yeah i'm-i'm alright, WHY would'nt i be?, as a matter of fact im in my TOP GAME! im ready to show my best of the best tricks to impress the WONDERBOLTS!" said rainbow dash.

"W-w-well..you just seem..um..." muttered fluttershy,

"seem what?" answered rainbow dash

"Ummm...nevermind.." again muttered fluttershy.

"SPILL IT fluttershy, what have i told you about asserting yourself?" said rainbow.

"eeeepp... we-we-well its just...you you...just look...um....nervous?" said fluttershy,

"Nervous? hah! m-m-m-me? n-n-n-nervous? h-h-h-how?", then fluttershy pointed at a half fainted spike, it was rare to see rainbow dash making physical contact with any pony including spike but, when spike told rainbow dash that his idols where coming in less than 15 mins. She suddenly grab hold of the dragon and blanked out.

after fluttershy pointed at what rainbow dash was doing she quickly let go of the poor baby dragon and gave out a sheepish smile and apologized,

"ehehehe, sorry bout that spike" said rainbow dash, on the floor lay the baby dragon

"is taht youuuuuuuu mommy?" said spike with a dizzy face and clearly still feeling faint from his encounter with a ursa minor hug from a nervous rainbow dash,

"I~~~~~~ need to go to the washroom! Be back in a sec.!" said rainbow dash

And before fluttershy could even say a word rainbow dash was gone. seconds later the huge door opened and came out princess celestia with the rest of the elements of harmony only to see fluttershy caring for a half awake spike,

"SPIKE?! What happened?!" screamed Twilight,

"Oh the poor dear, what happened? and where is rainbow dash?" said Rarity,

"W-w-w-well you see..." said Fluttershy, and she told what the others what happened to spike and where rainbow dash went.

”weeeell, she sure aint fine and dandy ahfter wut she did to poor ol' spike hir', think we shud go follow?" said applejack,

"She just needs a little time to herself, let her be" said princess celestia,

"the princess is right, she needs to collect her thoughts and face this challenge in front of her, this is her lifelong dream girls, i know raindow won’t back out" said twilight,

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In the Washroom, rainbow dash was staring into a big mirror with her reflection.

"cmon! cmon! This what you've been practicing your whole life! The whole reason for this cutie mark even! This day! I will be a WONDERBOLT! I’m sure of it!! And with the sonic rainboom in my arsenal! I’m sure they'll be impressed!" said rainbow dash,

And with a last splash of water in her face! She was determined and dashed off the washroom and onto the open courtyard.

"Back in ten seconds flat!" said rainbow dash, upon arriving there she saw her friends, princess celestia and her Idols, the WONDERBOLTS looking at her, and then suddenly pinkie pie bursted laughing,

"bwuahahahaha, did you flush before you went out rainbow dash?" said the laughing pinkie pie,

"what? What are you laughing at pinkie?" said the blushing rainbow dash, and then pinkie pointed to the trail of toilet paper rainbow dash has on her back hoof,

"omigoshomigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh, ehehehehe sorry about that" said rainbow dash while trying to kick off the toilet paper, and after a few kicks it got off.

"This joke is here for the audition?" said a golden manned Pegasus stallion

"1st she had us to wait for 11 secs. Then she shows up with toilet paper in her hooves? what.a.joke." he added taking his goggles off and putting his headphones on,

"you wasted my time for this? ugh", he added

"Well aren’t yah rude fer someone to be in the best in equestria" said applejack, stomping her hoof in the ground in front of golden flash, then in a flash, rainbow dash was in front of golden flash,

"Are saying I’m a liar? Flyboy?" said rainbow dash face to face with golden flash,

"flyboy? What? And yes you got here in 11.16 seconds actually" said golden flash,

"oh yeah? How could you say or even tell that huh? Do you have a stop watch or something? and Flyboy is because your zipper is open flyboy!" said rainbow dash, and then golden flash looked at his bottom zipper, blushed and closed it quickly, while he saw the others smiling and giggling

"So flyboy? Can you prove it? Huh?" said rainbow dash with a grin. An agitated golden flash sighed and then gave rainbow dash a stare that would make twilight's professor in magic some notes to take on starring,

"by the judge on the sound you made when you left the washroom i counted or "timed" the sound from the washroom to the kitchen to the lounge through here and my conclusion is 11.16 seconds" said the proud looking golden flash, before rainbow dash could even say something spitfire butted in.

"ENOUGH! sorry for golden flash's attitude rainbow, but the kid is right, i know it’s hard to believe but, he's not called a prodigy for nothing, even the princess knows this" said spitfire and looked at princess celestia, the princess looked back and gave a sigh and a nod,

"She is right rainbow dash, golden flash is indeed a prodigy and he is a stop watch if you may call it that, but i still do not approve of this attitude mister flash" said princess celestia looking at golden flash with a stare making golden flash look down in embarrassment,

“i apologize princess for my attitude" said golden flash,

"now if you may take the lead spitfire? let the audition begin" said princess celestia,

"with pleasure princess, now rainbow dash show as what you can do..." said spitfire looking at rainbow dash with a smile, with this rainbow dash gave a salute and flew upwards, following her was golden flash.

"What do you want flyboy?" said rainbow dash

"DONT CALL ME THAT! But that aside, I’m here for your first test" said golden flash,

rainbow dash tilted her head and said "what test? Spitfire said to show you guys what I’ve got, so sit back and watch the show",

"you don’t get it do you?" said golden flash, "that also goes for me, to become a wonderbolt you have to best a wonderbolt or be as good as one, or else you won't keep up with the team, and i volunteered to be your "partner" so show "ME" what you got rainbow dash!" said golden flash and with that rainbow dash nodded and said

"then be sure to catch up when i do my sonic rainboom" saying that rainbow dash flew and made a right turn and flew so fast. Behind her was golden flash,

"HAH! Have you ever wondered why that name became popular or even became a legend? Haven’t you ever thought of the person who did it first and gave those old ponies the stories they tell you now?" said golden flash
Rainbow dash was picking up speed and golden flash was trailing behind her getting closer and closer, they we're about to break the sound barrier, then rainbow dash said

"No way!! I’m the fastest flier around! He can follow me? Can he do the rainboom too?"

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TO BE CONTINUED!

Comments

[ArcaneTrex]

moar? :3

[rikkuidol]

34308
Chapter 2 is up!

[Mazzyrazzy]

You're on the right track here mate, and it always pleases me to see someone take up writing. It's a very rewarding hobby to have.

Allow me to help set a few rules straight when it comes to structuring writing. You've separated them into paragraphs, which always make it easier to read, but one paragraph is supposed to have one topic. Once you start on a new thought, the paragraph must end. There's a rule writers go by that's very simple to remember: every time somebody (somepony in this case) new starts speaking, break that off into another paragraph. I'll use your very first paragraph as an example.

---
"SOARIN'!", a loud and irretated sound was heard in the hallways of wonderbolts HQ, "Soarin'!!!", again it came, now from the HQ Lounge only to be ignored. "OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!! , SOARING CLOUD YOU BETTER GET YOUR FLANK OVER HERE OR SO HELP ME LUNA YOU WILL BE SORRY NOT LISTENING TO ME!!", and within seconds a blue manned pegasus stallion covered with pie in his mouth is standing in front of the 2 awaiting Pegasus. "ummm sorry for that guys i was having a light snack, ehehehe..." said soarin' with a sheepish smile, a slight blush and a face still covered with pie. "hahaha!! jeez soarin' when spitfire mentions your full name it really means something huh?!" said a golden manned pegasus stallion sitting on the floor with a pair of earphones on and a wonderbolt goggles dangling in his neck, next to him was an irate spitfire ready to burst out a world of pain to the late soarin', if it were any other day it would be okay, but today was an important day, the day that they pay a visit to princess celestia and princess luna in canterlot, due to the request of princess celestia that one of the Elements of harmony join them as a member of the wonderbolts.

That, would become this:

"SOARIN'!", a loud and irretated sound was heard in the hallways of wonderbolts HQ, "Soarin'!!!", again it came, now from the HQ Lounge only to be ignored. "OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!! , SOARING CLOUD YOU BETTER GET YOUR FLANK OVER HERE OR SO HELP ME LUNA YOU WILL BE SORRY NOT LISTENING TO ME!!", and within seconds a blue manned pegasus stallion covered with pie in his mouth is standing in front of the 2 awaiting Pegasus.

"ummm sorry for that guys i was having a light snack, ehehehe..." said soarin' with a sheepish smile, a slight blush and a face still covered with pie.

"hahaha!! jeez soarin' when spitfire mentions your full name it really means something huh?!" said a golden manned pegasus stallion sitting on the floor with a pair of earphones on and a wonderbolt goggles dangling in his neck, next to him was an irate spitfire ready to burst out a world of pain to the late soarin', if it were any other day it would be okay, but today was an important day, the day that they pay a visit to princess celestia and princess luna in canterlot, due to the request of princess celestia that one of the Elements of harmony join them as a member of the wonderbolts.
---

Simple, no? It does wonders to make it easier to read. If you want to be even fancier, you could add an indentation to your paragraphs, though that's more of a personal preference. It's up to you really.

Also, proof-reading your work before publishing is crucial. There's quite a number of punctuation and capitalization errors throughout it which could be easily remedied by a quick read-through. Remember - each sentence must begin with a capital letter, and the same goes for names.

As a final point of advice, use CAPS sparingly. There's a reason you don't see caps in any real published works; its obtrusive and quick frankly annoying to the reader. Instead, let your descriptions tell the story, not the dialogue. For example:

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?" I said.

I could make that better by doing:

"What do you mean!?" I yelled harshly, taking bold step forward.

Viola. Anyway, happy writing!