nutjob
Joined 3rd Sep, 2015 ·
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This has potential, but you should probably work on the following:
1) Grammar
2) Chapter length
3) Dialogue
4) Characterization
5) What the heck, phrasing, too.
Everything the above guy said plus the ethnic cleansing of futa from your life.
I need more too Rarity.....of the story I mean....yeah...story....I'll shut up now...
Forgot the "S" on "does"
Forgot the "D" in "and"
As she rammed her cock not Ashe. Ashe is an American tennis player
It should be "lean" not "lead"
I don't even know what went wrong here
It should be "now" not "know"
Sorry about going so hard I know it is your first fic so not trying to be an ass just correcting errors
6419749 mate its OK, I guessed I get things wrong, I have someone helping me now so hopefully those kinds of mistakes will stop and when I have time will go back and fix them
Gotta say sweet story, maybey rainbow dash next to be turned.
6420642 maybe
Where did you get the cover art?
6618673
Derpibooru artists: ruhisu and danmakuman check them out
will this/these stories be continuing sometime soon, please and thank you!