My Little Pony: Family Does(n't) Matter

by ProbableSarcasm

Chapter Three: The Great and (Ir)Responsible Parenting

“Okay, done with the menial chores of Fluttershy – Tree-mare!! What else is on that list?!” Twinkle-Star growled, throwing the hoe into the bush—sucessfully hitting Opal.

“Saying sorry to Opal and Rarity would be a start…” Fluttershy hinted, quietly.

“I wasn’t talking to a tree, Fluttershy, I’m trying to talk to the pink blob who defies every laws of science,”

“Rock climbing to find Boulder for Maud Pie!”

“No, I don’t care who this Maud Pie is!” Twinkle Star spat at the ground of Pinkie’s hoof, which merely was absorbed in the plant’s nutrients-leeching roots. “I’m not about to carry a stupid bolder, for a stupid reason, with stupid motives!”

“Um… if I may interject…You kind-a made a Pinkie Promise to help…” Fluttershy, who decided to come out of her mane to speak—although quietly. Fluttershy was quite, but stern in her voice. Twinkle Star merely chuckled before rolling her eyes defiantly.

“I don’t see a door, Fluttershy—Tree-Mare,” Twinkle snapped, giving Fluttershy a cold stare. If it wasn’t for the fact Fluttershy was used to the kind of verbal abuse, same as every-pony, since Twinkle learned how to talk; she would probably in tears now. “Go be a doormat somewhere else!”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t break a Pinkie Promise…” It was unlike Fluttershy to quip back, especially after a sting like that.

(This seemed a little scripted…)

(So Twinkle decided to push her luck.)

“I’ve broken many things, Tree-Mare, a Pink – whatever – promise isn’t going to deter me from…” Fluttershy gave Twinkle Star a glare, followed up by Pinkie Pie giving a really heated glare the moment ‘promise’ was being implied to be broken. “—sweet grandmother of Wrath, I take back everything I ever said since I was conceived.”

(Did it pay off?)

(Not by a longshot.)

---

When Twilight came home, she did not expect her house to be so calm and quite.

Okay—maybe not normal, given by the fact that her green ‘stress ball’ is now the size of a pony head, the books Twilight had told Twinkle Star to specifically not use in a fortress that would collapse under a tad bit of pressure, Owlicious is on the floor unconscious, Trixie’s on the couch unconscious, and worst of all: Twinkle Star is the cause of this.

“Actually, this is quite normal—and that’s not normal,” Twilight whispered under her breath, sending Spike to clean the mess with a flick of her hoof. “The only moment where I actually want some normality, the only thing I want to spend a peace of mind, it has to be peaceful. Twinkle, what did you do this time?”

Spike knew better than to comment, especially to a stressed out Twilight after leaving her filly home with Trixie. Trixie was responsible to a degree, save for the fact Trixie is incredibly lazy when she isn’t doing shows.

Spike groaned inwardly, trudging off to get his pink apron.

Trixie actually spent time to hang out with Twinkle. What Twilight had to do was pretty nothing much, except be the hero of Equestria every time a villain happened. Trixie, being nothing special in regards in the prophecy that no-pony reads, is left to play house-mom.

This doesn’t, however any pony interpreted it, mean that Twilight wasn’t in Twinkle’s life—quite the contrary actually. Twilight nursed Twinkle, changed her diapers, bought her all the books that Twilight could think of, and had actually made a checklist on how great Twinkle’s life is going to be.

(She labeled it Twinkle’s Excellent Life and, so far, had made it to block eight-hundred.)

Twilight, to be frank, was more or less the over-obsessive mother who cares about every single detail on every single fabric, on every single limb, on every single molecule. This was uncanny for Twilight, to be so obsessive over her own filly, that she would even show traits of high intense stress from times to times.

At times, many of Twilight’s friends questioned if she was doing alright in the head. Even Trixie, who passed some of Twilight’s unusual actions off as just her OCD being a warlock over her brain, started to worry about Twilight’s seemingly never ending stress.

Maybe it was Twinkle not following the list?

(She had already created a Great Childhood to-do list for Spike, and it didn’t go as plan. So her solution was to an already confusing list: is to make even more detailed and complicated lists.)

Or was it the fact, that Twilight is the definition of a literal ‘new mother’?

Twilight’s relationship, and marriage, with Trixie wasn’t exactly easy to maintain with Trixie’s ego; but it seemed that Trixie has been making an improvement to cut back on her ego slightly. Also Trixie’s pride; that was another thing that had been reduced considerably, but still to levels where they were quite easy to offend.

However, with the relationship between Twilight and Twinkle wasn’t exactly stable as mother-daughter relationships usually are. Twinkle would actually go out of her way to get under Twilight’s skin, to draw the last straw straight out of Twilight’s patience, and to be prideful while doing it.

When not going out of her way to compete her feats against Trixie’s, or dumping buckets onto Twilight, she was nose deep into books and would completely avoid social interaction. Twinkle was suffering from a haphephobia, which is the fear of touching.

(Pretty much any pony-pony contact was completely and utterly numbing to Twinkle Star, as far as Twilight noticed.)

Throughout her thinking about how her family, and how wonderful it is, Twilight couldn’t find Twinkle in her usual spots to hide: not the bed covers, not the bathroom, not under her bed, not in her closet, not under the couch, not in the kitchen—which is strange, because Twinkle has Trixie’s habit of eating when bored.

“Okay, don’t panic, maybe the mare you married didn’t lose our own daughter in our own house…” Twilight tried to calm herself, rubbing her own temples, but getting nowhere in her flurry of worrying and complete pessimistic thinking overshadowing her optimistic rationality.

“Oh, Twinkle?” Trixie seemingly shrugged in her sleep, “I'd tell you that ‘I’ve been asleep the whole time and don’t know’, mysterious voice in my lover’s voice, but Twilight will have my head where my—oh…” As if everything in Trixie's body had sudden frozen, she cut off midsentence as she opened her eyes to the... not too happy unicorn.

A cold vice gripped Trixie’s chest as the realization of what she had said dawned on her, their daughter is not in the house—the one daughter that Trixie had been told to watch, the one thing that no rational mom should ever have the opportunity to screw up, the one task that will put Trixie in an unmarked grave on some random planet.

“Twilight would what—I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you over the sounds of our only filly missing!” Twilight’s entire face started to twitch at random, trying to resist the urge of bursting into flames. “—by all means, continue!”

“Twilight!? Hold on! I know that sounded bad—okay maybe bad—but there’s the chance that Twinkle is still in the house?” Trixie tried, the blue unicorn sat up and shielded herself with a pillow—as if it would do anything to the blazing wrath that was a mother without her child. Exactly an Ursa Major without her cub, except with magic powers that mirrored gods.

(Basically, if Trixie was any other pony, Twilight would have pulled a Darth Vader and completely mind-choke Trixie.)

Twilight seemingly growled—actually growled like a timber-wolf challenging an Alpha Male—her eyes twitched uncontrollably as her hair frizzed worse than a stereotypical ginger with conditioner. She even had animalistic movement, baring her teeth and leaning into Trixie’s face.

“Please don’t eat Trixie, Trixie tastes like wheels!” It seemed more and more obvious Twilight was losing her irises the more Twilight leaned into Trixie, who cowered away with her ears flipped to the back of her skull. Trixie would have been more challenging, ironically being the dominant mare in the relationship, but today did not sound like a good idea to make a wrathful mother even angrier.

“Please continue that comment, sweetie!” Twilight’s mane was now glowing, which Trixie made a mental note in the back of her head to take aware of. Trixie didn’t know if she should be impressed, jealous, or fearful for her life right now. “Give me some ideas.”

“I’m so scared, but I love you even more—somehow…”

“Trixie, where is Twinkle?”

“I… Twinkle should be in her room…”

“Not there.”

“Oh—well then,”

“Trixie—Where. Is. Twinkle?” even slower.

Trixie made the misfortune mistake of remaining silent.

“Trixie, if you value my self-restraint, tell me where my bloody child is!”

“…oh my god, Trixie is a great mom by Trixie’s standards!”

(And the mistake of showing where Twinkle gets her snarky-ness from)

“Trixie, you don’t have to worry about finding a religion anymore,”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re goddess is right here,”

“Oh—should Trixie be worried?”

“You let our only daughter go missing, while I was out there fighting goddess knows what evils; somehow ruining the easiest job you can ever do as a parent,” Twilight’s eyes flashed red, before turning to the piercing white they were. Trixie conjured up her spell for the vanishing act, but Twilight gripped her hoof tightly, sealing off any source of magic Trixie could conjure up. “You should be terrified.”

“—and you wonder where our filly gets her unrelenting fury from… you need to see a shrink, love-bear, you're a little out of control...”

“Trixie, our filly is missing, how are you so calm about this?!”

“Because Trixie’s not sure if Trixie will survive the next five minutes of the intense lector she will get,” Trixie, being the smart-allec she was, retorted. “Twinkle’s missing and you’re concerned with killing Trixie first.”

“You were the one to let her out of your sight!” Twilight’s mane glowed brighter, and completely voided of eyes. “Who knows how long I’ve been out of the house, with her under your supervision, and I come home to find the house either on fire or being eaten by wood chippers!”

“Trixie thought they were beavers—they look like beavers,”

“Trixie, I love you, but I have the overpowering need to strangle you,” said Twilight, as she rubbed her eyes again. “Ah, horse feathers! We’re wasting time! We need to look for Twinkle!”

“Trixie’s sure she’ll find her way home, she’s a smart kid,”

“My parents weren’t exactly the best in the world, but they raised me just fine until Celestia came along—but” Twilight sighed, her snout between her hooves in an effort to calm her shaking hooves. “—but I take it your mom didn’t exactly love you enough, for you to realize how incredibly irresponsible that sounds.”

“What are you, writing a book?”

“Trixie.”

“Yeah?”

Without even blinking, or a change of pitch from her regular voice, she said this so casually: no pony would believe her words to be genuine. “You got about five seconds to get out of this house, looking for Twinkle, before I completely snap your neck like a Popsicle stick.”

“Like that one assignment you didn’t tur— (“One,”)—erm, Spike!?” Trixie did not decide to call Twilight’s bluff, looking behind her to find the dragon carrying a stack of forbidden magic scrolls back into the basement.

“Two—” Twilight’s countdown.

“Busy!” Spike yelled from the basement.

“Please! I need that solid you owe me!” Trixie shot up to her hooves, off of the couch, already racing for the door. “It’s about Twinkle!”

“Three—” Twilight’s countdown.

Spike yelled, his voice filled with indignation. “What did she break this time?! Honestly! I think she’s doing this on purpose!”

“Twinkle’s missing!”

“Four—don’t try me, Trixie,”

“Have you tried all the usual places she’ll be?”

Trixie ran out of the door before answering, deciding to not be the judge in Twilight’s probable bluff.

---

“Ugh, why do we have to do rock-climbing?” Twinkle Star complained, her hooves aching from the amount of holding she had to do. Twinkle Star stared at the rope that separated between the both of them, a large scowl on imprinted firmly on her face while beads of sweat rolls down her face.

“Better yet, what is my life doing in your hooves?!” Her hooves dug shallowly in the cliff, right hoof searching for any cracks she can get a hold of, left hoof keeping her from falling, legs being… legs, and Pinkie Pie being way too god at this activity.

“Reasons, Twinkle Toes, reasons!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, the pink mare tugged the seemingly (and impossibly) elastic fiber rope, forcing the filly to climb upwards. “Because we’re on an adventure, Twinkle Star! Don’t question!”

“I’m going to question you—in fact—I’m going to question you so hard that even the great philosophers will crown me as their rightful ruler!”

“I saw an escalator back at base camp,”

“You…” Twinkle Star couldn’t believe what just came out of her that pink pony’s mouth, “—saw—” the words kept moving out of Twinkle Star’s mouth. Even by Pinkie’s standards—that was just too idiotic to just mention now. “WHAT!?”

“There was an escalator, I think,” Pinkie Pie placed her hoof to her chin, hovering in midair as she seemed to be lost in thought. “I think I forgot to mention that.”

“You pink, brainless, imbecil!!” Twinkle Star screamed, her face already a burning shade of crimson. “I’ve been climbing up this mountain, ruining my perfect hooves, just so you could stop midway to tell me this is pointless—because there’s an escalator that you’re just NOW telling me about!”?!”

“Did you see the price for admission?! Three bits! The brains!”

“Pinkie that was the price for the equipment that we’re lacking,” Twinkle Star heaved, wishing she had paid more attention in physical education on her upper body strength. “Admission to the camp was free and equipment is three bits per pony.”

“You were the one who insisted we shouldn’t use equipment,” Pinkie Pie pointed out, scurrying up the cliff with ease. “Besides, this is way cooler!”

“Well, of course I said that—you should have been the adult!” Twinkle Star heaved, looking between her legs and down her chest to peer down at the blurry and barren ground below her. Twinkle gulped and continued to go upwards. “I don’t need equipment! I need an adult who has brain without the size of a decaying pistachio nut!”

---

Princess Luna sneezed abruptly, not even noticing the sneeze like usually. It was instantaneous, and she was caught off guard by the loud ‘CHOO’ sound that escaped her lips. It was unlady-like to present such a sneeze in such a way—but given how she’s in her own private quarters: that should keep some nobles from entering the room and spreading some rumors.

“My princess!” The guards immediately rushed in, scanning the room for any sign of danger. When they didn’t find any, they looked up at a very confused Princess with a single blob of snot hanging from her nostril. The guards look to find the Princess was in a very intense game of Chess with a shadow-y version of herself. “Are you of harm?”

“Naught at-tal!” The shadow spoke, before Princess Luna cleared her voice and spoke again with an awkward grin, the snout blob hanging and swung from her nostril like a pocket watch. “No, no threats. Just one little sneeze caught us off guard!”

“A tissue, milady?” said one of the guards, offering the Royal Box of Tissue Holders—holding a bejeweled box of literal tissues—between all three pairs of their forelegs.

“According to Equestrian Mythology, some pony has spoken of us when we sneeze un-expectantly,” Luna took the tissue box, and wiped her nose. “A bit odd and perceive.”

---

“Come on, slow poke!” Pinkie Pie playfully taunted, triggering a vein to pop in Twinkle Star’s forehead. Twinkle Star was a good eleven feet from Pinkie Pie, meaning Pinkie was almost done with the cliff-climbing they were doing.

“Why, and how in the hay, are you doing that so fast!?” Twinkle Star screamed/snarled at Pinkie Pie, who wasn’t even breaking a sweat in her climbing. “Stop it! I’m literally being dragged behind!”

“You’re too slow!” Pinkie Pie cheered, reaching the top of the cliff. Twinkle Star planned out her revenge a she was being dragged up the mountain with a scorn, giving up on cliff-climbing.

“Uh… Twinkie?” Pinkie Pie’s uncertain voice came from above.

Twinkie cringed at the name. “If you ever say that again, I’ll hang you with this rope like a puppet show!”

“What would you feel if I said I slipped?” Pinkie quizzed.

“I would be absolutely livid!” Twinkle Star punched the cliff, crushing a small rock at the cost of pain.

“Would we be friends if I said this?” Pinkie asked again.

“No! What is it!?” Twinkie yelled, still clenching her eyes closed.

“…you promise not to get mad?” Pinkie asked again.

“I don’t promise anything! Tell me!” Twinkie yelled, the familiar vein popping on Twinkie’s forehead.

“I can’t because you sound angry,”

“I’m on my last nerve, here, Pinkie!”

“I slipped.”

Gravity caught up with them, and while Pinkie was cheering/screaming; Twinkle Star was screaming her head off with insults that were way too colorful for a eleven year old filly to know about.

“ARHHH! YOU IMBECI-IIIIIIII-LE!”

“YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T GET MAD!!”

“I SHOULD KILL YO-OOOOO-U!!”

Author's Note:

What Twinkle Star actually looks like, but more snarkyness

Comments

[the other sans]

I’m not about to carry a stupid bolder
Fluttershy was quite, but stern in her voice
did not expect her house to be so calm and quite
the only thing I want to spend a peace of mind, it has to be peaceful
is to make even more detailed and complicated lists
Because you’re goddess is right here
the next five minutes of the intense lector she will get
You got about five seconds to get out of this house, looking for Twinkle
and Pinkie Pie being way too god at this activity
You pink, brainless, imbecil
I need an adult who has brain without the size of a decaying pistachio nut

1. Boulder.
2. Quiet.
3. Quiet.
4. Time. Least I think you meant Time.
5. List.
6. Your.
7. Lecture.
8. Look.
9. Good.
10. Imbecile.
11. I need an adult who has a brain that isn't the size of a decaying pistachio nut.

Let the adorable shenanigans continue.

[the other sans]

6443793 No problem, but funnily enough, my teacher said the same thing. As if I was talking with my writing. Or... Yeah, you put it better. You talk as how you write. Or write as how you talk. Either or, same to me.

[the other sans]

6443832 The uhh... Thermostat? Did I reference something unintentionally again? I didn't... Really guess anything. Though there could have been a chance I read or heard something similar when I was younger. Strange how some things stick.

[ProbableSarcasm]

6443842
It was a reference to Family Guy, mate, but you were close!

[ProbableSarcasm]

6412671
Thanks, lad!