Orion 141
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id love to do some editing work on this, also i feel there should be more too it. i have soooo many ideas to lengthen this so let me know what you think
I really want to see the fallout from this
Is it wrong that I wanted more of a confrontation from this? I mean, Spike was a hair away from killing the dude. I'm glad things can move on and all, but it kinda makes it seem a bit like the relationship may not have meant much to either of them.
Maybe if he had just found her kissing some other dude or out on a date. Walking in just post adulterous-coitus when she would know he's coming home nets her nothing, really, except being glad Spike has better control of his emotions and didn't throw a punch.
Story is horrible and Spike is a really pussy bitch. He catches Whority fucking another guy and does absolutely nothing except be a bitch and walk away doing nothing? Given his lack of any reaction, his relationship with Whority was barely even friends with benefits plus he stays friends with her? 1 thousands down votes from me.
6274761 A much I would love to have Spike snap, he kinda already did in the first chapter. Granted it was only in his mind, but he still went nuts. While their reactions are measured, they are faithful to what happened between my friend and his long standing girl friend.
6274918 Yes, yessssss. Give me more, all the downvotes! But seriously this story is based off something that happened to a friend of mine, as much as I think it's bullshit, it really happened. Granted I took liberties with a few things, but it's generally the same as the story he told me.
6275027
Well, I didn't mean for him to outright snap after the fact, but this seems like too calm of an ending. I'd expect more angry words or tears or something. Maybe it would happen in real life, but it just seems like as cold as it all comes off, it doesn't fit for a Sparity break up to me, mostly because of how devoted he usually is to her. To lose her like this and see the image of his 'Lady Rarity' end up like this...Just seems like it should be more emotional.
Not saying it's bad, and maybe it would better fit another pairing (Flash and Twilight, maybe? Or Mac and Cheerilee?), but for a Sparity pairing, it just seems off to me.
No downvotes or upvotes from me, just my opinion. Sorry
6275089 Yeah, I should have picked a different pairing, but I kinda felt that this fit better. Regardless I really appreciate your opinion, simple because it's different from my own. Now, would you kindly do a bit of reading with my other stories, your thoughts are required.
Need to edit this a bit. At the part with Sweetie Belle you keep switching gender pronouns around so that it is kinda hard to tell who us doing what at certain parts.
Pretty concerned that Spike is getting his panties wet.
The story is not bad. But it was missing something that I can't begin to start with
6309751 Talent?
6316314
you're talented in my opinion. but they were some sentences that you made mistakes on pronouncing in the story
I'm sure if rarity knows if spike had a his way with sweetie belle
I just like to see if spike give a PRICELESS face to rarity on having his way with her sister in that situation XD
6316716 Dude, I wrote this at like 4:34 AM on a Sunday after nearly a full day of gaming, quality control wasn't going through my mind, but I do have an editor who is going to help me sort this out.
6317032 sorry didn't mean to make you angry or irritated about that
6317056 Nah, if I am to even considering calling myself a writer, critics are going to need to be my best friends.