Princess Twilight Sparkle is kidnapped! What do we do? Explosives? Check! All the royalty (Minus Twilight, she got kidnapped)? Check! The royal guard? Check! A telepathic web? Check! Bad puns? Check! Making jokes about Double Rainboom? Check! Checks? Check! Lesbian porn scenes with your parents? Che... Wait what?
But no, I wrote this story, and it sucked. Then I wrote it again, it didn't suck so much! Then I wrote a second chapter! That's about it. Third chapter! It also probably sucks!
Additional tags: Action
Additional Characters: Other, OC
Also the comedy tag isn't through the entire story. It appears occasionally.
Chapters (3)
Its a good concept its just poorly executed.
I like the idea of the Royal Gang going to save Twilight, but this was hard for me to follow.
My advice get an editor and a proofreader to help fix this issue.
6233466 Thanks for the feedback! I'm taking the story down and reworking it.
Here's some advice.
orig14.deviantart.net/704d/f/2014/197/9/d/slow_the_fuck_down__by_a_mad_russian_pony-d7pbwu3.jpg
Your story is proceeding at Mach 5, everything is happening too quickly. I know it's an action sequence, but you need to give us time to imagine the scene in our head before everything goes to hell.
Also, the premise seems a tad too serious to be used as a comedy, not that it couldn't work mind you, it was that the humor felt out of place for a bunch of princesses who were storming the castle.
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Thanks for the feedback! Chapter three will be addressing the speed concerns (I hope) I just kinda suck at introductions :P. Also the story will be taking on a bit of a jokey manner, but that's how I am.
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I was gonna make chapter two long and serious, then I made it short and funny. I didn't really edit it much when I posted it, it was 3 am... I am working on it today though.