Fluttershy was a filly who had everything: a loving family, a good friend, and anything she wanted. But when fate takes a turn for the worst, Fluttershy’s life completely changes and she finds herself not so lucky. Now she has to remember what it truly means to be a friend and show everypony that a little kindness can go a long way.
Inspired by the classic novel A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett as well as other versions and adaptations.
Beautiful Cover Art by: huffythemagicdragon-blog or cresento
If anyone knows who made this, please tell me. They're deviantart account is no longer valid so I credit the names next to the picture.
Constructive criticism is always welcome and encouraged.
Chapters (1)
This revised chapter was written better because I got a sense of what the plot could possible be about. I hope to see more chapters!
6686682 Thank you! Glad this one was understandable. :)
Took a little longer than I thought but I finally read this
So far I'm really enjoying it, I'm looking forward to more 
Breaking the dialogue with parenthesis like this looks odd, I wouldn't recommend it.
Aww that's really sweet
The word 'sudden' is a dangerous one for writing. It tends to come across as a cheap way to make things seem more intense than they are. How often do things happen suddenly in real life? Occasionally, but rarely. Of course this is fiction, the occasional sudden coincidence is totally fine, just make sure the payoff is worth the suspension of disbelief.
As far as a sudden knock on a door, what is a non sudden knock? One moment there's no sound, the next there is. It just seems like a pointless description
(End overly long rant about a single word)
Lol I can totally see it
Alright, so here's a good example of what I meant. The 'all of a sudden' here is fine, because it works with the dramatic shift in Fluttershy's game
This whole part about Commander Fluttershy and Sargent Rainbow is great. Super cute, had me grinning the entire time.
I didn't read this before the update, but in general I think third person is the best way to write unless you have a good reason to write in first person. And while I've never heard of the rainbow snake, but I think incorporating real live myths is a fantastic idea.
6706147 Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it. :) I will definately adjust those parts based on your advice.
Was thinking about this story today, how's it going with chapter two? Not trying to rush you or anything, I know life needs to take priority over writing, just curious