Cherry Syrup is a vampire. Really. No dancing around it, she is. In an Equestria where Luna created the night trotters, creatures of the night that prey on those who threaten the safety of the night, Cherry finds herself on a walkabout. On her trip, she takes in the sights, enjoys strawberry millshakes, and gets a thrill out of sinking her teeth into some riff-raff.
On one particular night, she found her cross-country tour cut short by a major misunderstanding, forcing her into the service battling the forces of Darkness most darker than dark. In other words, everything she wanted to avoid.
At least there would be plenty of zombies to send back to the grave.
This is a horror comedy inspired by multiple sources including Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, classic Dracula-esque vampirism tropes, and a desire to write a fic and have some plain ol' fun with it for once.
Postscript: Could use some art love for the cover.
Sounds more like Cherry was using FS's change as an excuse to nom on Fluttershy but it's an interesting story idea.. I'll read it as long as you keep it interesting..
6018951
Between you and me the chapter title is more than just a pun. I have an idea of how the story will go, just not the quality of it since my attempts to do multi-chapter stories in the past have ended in... well... sadness.
So... Many... Puns!
Which is fine because I love punnage. I think this story is off to a nice start.
I think you managed to show off the blundery-ness with the scene where she is so lost in thought that she winds up in the Everfree with ponwülf... Or I suppose zebwülf?
As for Majesty vs Highness... That's a tricky one, since highness can mean ANY member of a royal household, whereas majesty should only be used to refer to the ruler of a nation. Soooooo, since the night is hers, and she is the ruler of the night and nighttime creatures, and co-ruler of all Equestria, Majesty would be correct. But, Luna could also be referred to as Highness, as could any of the royal household, such as (sigh) Prince Blueblood.
So, in a roundabout way of saying it, I think what I'm trying to say is: "I like this story, keep it coming."
6019784
As far as Blueblood goes, Don't worry, hamlightenmentwill come shortly.
6020452
Hamlightenment... I imagine this to be the hammering of knowledge into a pony's head via a hauk of ham. And in BB's case, I can only hope that Rarity is the one that gets to do the hammering... of knowledge.
6019630 As in a bad way sad or lose plotline somewhere along the way sad or just sad ending? There is a huge difference between the three..
6022418
Sad as is it ends up being awful. Granted, this fic is different. The other attempts all went dark as gloomy. This is tagged dark because, well, vampires and shit, but it's light dark.
6021779 I'm afraid it's gone over your head, but no matter. Rarity will eventually have her piece.
6023009 So your fics end up sad because they end up awful/bad..
Been there before and more than one was so bad I had to put it out of it's misery and delete it.
Well a good trick is to think of something to break the mood and lighten it up is to do like you did when your main pony ended up being stopped by somepony else... But until you finish I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope you managed to be satisfied with the way the story goes....
Interesting start so far. A little... fast? slow? somehow both? I feel like I've been exposed to a lot of important information relevant to the story yet I don't yet understand the meaning behind having all this information. Like I've got a bunch of answers to question I never asked and now I have questions about why I've been given these answers in the first place.
I do look forward to reading more but your method of making me want to explore this universe you are creating is a little unconventional from what I'm used to.
6752959 If you feel the method is unconventional then one of two things will happen:
1: I will change my methods to accommodate the reader in future chapters.
2: I will sit back in my chair, chuckle a little, and wish you luck in getting used to it.
With my track record, what's actually going to happen is a little of both.
Besides, to tell a bit of a "spoiler", Chapters 1 through 5 as I have them drafted are simply a prologue before a real adventure, and even then the first adventure is a bit close to home. I guess by this I'm trying to say that I'm trying to smoosh a lot of background and characterization into the first five chapters. This may be part of me thinking that if I do not then the characters will come across as shallow and foregoing gradual characterization. If this is what is happening I will back off and omit things for later.
6752959 Also worth mentioning is that a good chunk of this chapter was written before my battle with Writer's Block (specifically until the scene Cherry meets Sweetie Belle), and there is a very noticeable difference in style/effort between the previous scene and that one.
6754100
It is always nice to learn about a character through how they react to experiences and duress. Part of why I got such an odd feeling about this is that it felt like you sped through some opportunities to get to the ones you had planned out, though I admit that when pressed, I can't seem to think of a solid better way for them to have gone. The areas I refer to are cherry's "dream" and subsequent awakening. I'm plauged with questions of:
Why is she in 'not-heaven'?
What does this have to do with anything?
Is that fausticorn?
Is the reason she gets pissed off at the vampire because she just told her that her daughter 'sucked her off?'
Did she not realize it was a mistake of wording or does she not know the details of what happened?
Is there some other reason she was suddenly looking at her with thinly veiled anger?
Why Twilight's place of all places?
Was all that banter with spike just to confirm vamponies didn't have the natural flaws the myths gave them?
Why are they night trotters if they don't need to be nocturnal?
How does this whole night trotter secret society work anyway?
Are they going to be meeting in cliche underground clubs and bars with secret back rooms?
Just how intertwined are they in "normal" pony society that Luna is surprised that Twilight didn't know about it or at least find that book?
Are wereponies vampony hunters designed to keep them in check or just another breed of night trotter that occurred out of freak happenstance and happened to be good at hunting down rouges?
How does that whole dynamic work?
Why is rarity freaked by the werepony but not the vampony?
On that note, why are fruit bat ponies considered a danger unless they are famous? WTF?
Also, is this going to be a thing? That all partials that turn partially because of freak accidents are considered MORE dangerous before they turn? WTF?
I have so many questions... they won't stop coming...
6756155 I left things vague because I put faith in the readers to put things together. Faith misplaced probably.
1. Near-death experience.
2. Now that you mention it, nothing in the near-death scene has any repercussions in Equestria other than Cherry making a few cracks. Still, I considered it better than simply skipping to her screaming in bed.
3. :^)
4. Fausticorn is the overseer, not the origin, so the Princesses are not her daughters. As for kicking Cherry off the platform, I probably should have elaborated Fausticorn's stance of stupid bullshit (no tolerance policy).
5. Cherry is a flawed hero AND vampire. Later I'll write a chapter dedicated to how she was educated just to elaborate on how "pure" vampires like her are "meant" to behave. Instead of being infallibly charismatic and calm, she may instead be too direct or completely screw up. This is hinted at early with the awkward scene at the beginning where she shuts Pinkie down on the party offer. How badly she screws up depends on a d20. That's a joke but it's giving me ideas.
6. See point 4. TL;DR "I have a very low tolerance for stupid bullshit."
7. Why not? Really, this is a non-issue. Especially since it's a castle.
8. Seems gratuitous, doesn't it? Is it obvious yet that I never bothered to edit this? Plus, I do think I missed the major joke that was going to play out in that scenario which is basically "Can a stake through the heart kill you?" "Will it kill YOU? Yes, and there's your answer."
9. You make a strong point. I would excuse that as her being up in the afternoon, meaning to her it's basically like being awake at three in the morning and unable to go back to sleep. Wolfponies can function during the day due to what I should call "mystical bullshit endurance", but I won't blame you if you call it lazy writing. There are other types of night trotters I had in mind but I didn't write them down anywhere and it's been a few months.
10. That's a whole other chapter. At this rate I might as well write the actual Night Trotter Index and submit it as a whole other story.
11. I never thought of that, but you're giving me ideas and it's frankly hilarious.
12. Luna is commenting specifically on the book and its copies since Twilight is the type to have a rare/hard-to-find book like that.
13. No. I was going to explain it more in the coming chapters but I'll lay it down right here: Vampires clean up the streets while wolfponies are effectively monsters that hunt other monsters. This is because vampires hide in their true form in plain sight while wolfponies are just an average pony unless they transform. Sometimes that may mean keeping a rogue vampire in check (and vice versa), but that is not what Honey is here for. Luna created the wolfponies separately and I shall explain that in a future chapter, but Goodnight was the first night trotter in general who just so happened to be a vampire.
14. Generally they leave each other alone but some vampires have a distinct dislike for the wolfponies because they lack tact once transformed.
15. Because I'm a big fat stupid head who never edited his work.
16. They aren't. Fruit bat ponies are considered normal, but Fluttershy isn't a fruit bat, is she? She's a pegasus. Vampires don't just come in bat pony form, although for the most part those kinds of vampires are "pure-blooded" while the rest are just turned. The article Cherry cites has to do with a politician or someone of note having a bad encounter with a rogue. It's easy to hide an irregular for a while with aid, but without it they will descend into instinct, which is a hazard. A turned pony is also significantly easier to spot. If a fruit bat pony is turned, however, it's a non-issue since they had fangs already. This is also a case of not-editing.
17. Explained.
TL;DR I'm a poopy writer who needs to learn to edit more often. If you have anymore questions, just message me.