Born on 02/18. I'm a proud brony from the Philippines. I like reading comedy and/or romance stories in general. I hope I can write great stories people will enjoy.
For as long as anypony can remember, Rainbow Dash has been considered the star athlete of Ponyville. She may be arrogant at times but nopony can deny her amazing speed and skill.
But what happens when two of the fastest ponies in Equestria meet?
The answer is simple.
A RACE!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First off, welcome to FiMFiction! And secondly, you've written a good story for your first fic. Although, it's kinda all dialouge. Needs a little more description, cut down on the dialouge a little?
Anyways, good luck with future fics :)
-
Pyxel
5969280 Thank you so much for the support. I actually tried to add something more than dialogue but I can't think of anything so far. Maybe I'll improve during the big race.
Just a note- the situation you've chosen for your first fanfic (new pony comes to Ponyville who's better than one of the Mane Six at their specialties) is very hard to do right. It can be- take Pinkie Pride for example. However, it's more often done wrong. It would probably be a good idea to talk it over with others so they can point out what mistakes are being made, and, given that this is your first fanfic, that's probably a lot of mistakes (happens to everyone).
Also, a good rule of thumb: Never connect your new character to yourself, as you are doing currently by making your username Lightning Steps. It gives the impression that your character is a self-insert, which is really bad if you're going to make them extremely skilled characters. Self Insert+ Extremely Skilled tends to equal Mary Sue.
If you're wondering why there's more downvotes than upvotes, the things mentioned above are probably the reasons. When a story hits too many red flags people tend to avoid it and downvote it on general principles. Unfortunately, an OC who is 'special' in some way (like being an alicorn, being better than a Mane Six member at that member's strength, having an unusual destiny [such as being a seventh element of harmony or the chosen one of some prophecy], and directly representing the author) is one of the biggest of those flags, and your OC fits. It will take a lot of work to make him fit in well and not be a Gary Stu.
5970803 Thank you for the heads up. I really appreciate it. I don't really mind the upvotes/downvotes. I just want to contribute. I was supposed to make my username Klevrock but I thought since this is like the pony world, maybe I should use my OC's name.
PS: I sorry but I don't know Mary Sue or Gary Stu. Please enlighten me. They sound like they might be important in the future.
Also, thanks for reading anyway.
5970803 Hey. I searched Mary Sue and Gary Stu and I think I can agree. This work of mine was something I wrote on a whim and thought people might like it. Guess I was wrong, huh?
hehe *sigh* 
In other news, I'm looking for some inspiring stories which might help me make Chapter 2 better.
So can you recommend some stories similar to mine?
5976490
Unfortunately, I've got no ideas right now. However, the folks at the Writer's Group will be happy to help out if you ask them about it.
5977257 Thanks. I'll be sure to make the next chapter as appealing to everyone as it is to me.
5976490
*Later, upon thinking about the issue*
Okay, now I have some ideas about how to help your character:
First and foremost, the obvious- give him flaws. Maybe he's a good athlete but he believes that he must be the best or else he's worthless, maybe he likes to rub his skill into others faces, maybe he's too busy being an athlete to get an actual life or skills outside of flying. You should make the story be about these flaws and how he overcomes them, rather than his strengths. Also, make sure he has good points that aren't related to his external traits and abilities. Being good at flying isn't a virtue, and if you want him to be sympathetic, he needs virtues.
You should also give him a backstory, or at least a cutie mark story- these are important in characterization, especially the cutie mark thing.
You should probably find a way to make his skill distinct from Rainbow Dash- perhaps he's faster than her in a straight race, but cannot perform the stunts she does, or, while slower, he's also more reliable and more agile. If she literally can't beat him no matter what she does, then you've got a problem. He also should have interests and a personality that are distinct from the canon characters, although they can have similarities.
If you're going for Pinkie Pride: Rainbow Dash edition, focus on how your character's presence would affect Dash. Would she accept someone who's better than her (after all, she's more prideful than Pinkie), would it pressure her to overachieve, what effect would this have on her friendships, and could she eventually befriend Lightning Steps despite her hang-ups over him?
So, that's my advice. Others may have some things I missed.
5979835 As usual, I'm thankful for the great advice you give. Are you a Professor in SFNW by any chance? I sent you Lightning's story if you don't mind.
5979950
Nope. I don't even know what that stands for. I'm just a young writer who listened to great advice and remembered enough to pass it on.
Also, now that I've read the snippet you've sent, I think that it fits him most to be fast along the ground, but to sometimes have a hard time accepting it because he's been raised to believe that Pegasi belong in the sky (this would probably only work as a family belief. Pegasi as a whole haven't been shown having any prejudice towards the ground, but there are always the nutcases), and/or he wants to be able to follow Rainbow Dash.
Hey, a great story for a first effort. Welcome to the site, I'm new as well but that's because whenever I tried to make an account it bugged out. Still got fanfiction though. Anyway, to solve the dialogue issue, you could have described things in more detail. Don't be afraid to use a couple of paragraphs to describe a scene, it helps more than not. The race between Lightning and AJ went really fast. This could also increase the lengths of chapters by a half if done correctly. I will be tracking this, it'll be great to see how you progress xD. I really did enjoy it.
6024179 Thanks for the support. I'll be sure to try and improve my techniques and way of writing.
PS: Lightning and Aj's race was intentionally vague.