Hello! Welcome to my page! I am an artist, and a newer fanfiction writer. I hope you enjoy my content! My recent story in the making is, The Four of Marks from our favorite four ponies from MLP S5 E1.
Join the four bunch on a mysterious adventure, of a life time. Okay, well, since its in Equestria, I guess its not really, once in a life time, but you get the jist. On their exploration, the run into a small town with a very unoriginal name. Yet, the town does a very original, dark, secret. Maybe more then just one. View the journey they make through this odd village and see what happens...!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Giving this fanfic a chance, onwards!
You write like i do...I like this.
MORE!!!!!
5953139 Thanks! I know Im not the best, but the chance to improve inst beyond me.
5954011 Im glad you do! :)
cool
5962325 Thnxxxx m8
You're pacing is a bit fast--everything is very quick, giving the reader little time to catch up. You also need to work on dialogue and use that to establish your characters personalities more. Here's a hint: show us the story, don't tell us. Have the characters actually speak what they are thinking out loud instead of you telling us what they're thinking or feeling.
But nothing I've seen so far is very bad, so I'm giving this a chance.
Okay, here's the issue with your story. You're going way too fast. Everything jumps from one scene to another, leaving the reader no time to keep up. I tried to read the whole story, but instead of being interested in what happens next, I was confused by what was going on.
Here's my suggestion. Try to rewrite this by using dialogue to slow down the pacing and to express your cast's personalities: for instance, when they reach the town, have them talk about the town's name, appearance, and make their plans instead of just telling us that they think the town has a weird name and then split up. Remember, show us the story, don't tell us the story. Also, work on smoother transitions from one scene to another, instead of just jumping into the next scene.
5982738 Thanks for the advice, I shall use it for future notice. Please also understand that this is my first story, and that it probably will forever suck. XD But thanks! At the end "Authors Notes" at the end of my latest chapter, I did say that it may feel a bit rushed. My future stories, and chapters for this story will hopefully improve in due time, though.
5982738 He speaks everything what was on my mind but regardless, good job for your first writing.