We Have All Sinned, But do those Sins define us? One disgraced magician faces this debacle as she is faced with a choice: turn to light, or fall into the shadow. Story occurs before Trixie obtained the alicorn amulet
Chapters (7)
- Member Since 7th May, 2015
- offline last seen Sep 30th, 2017
Theorange11
Keep it Orange. Also, i despise lettuce with a passion
Theorange11
Joined 7th May, 2015 ·
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Alright, just going in and I'm knocked out at the second paragraph. Typically, thoughts are done with italics, rather than bold. This is especially problematic because Nightmare Moon's words are also bold, creating some confusion between the two. Additionally, commas belong inside the quotation mark, not outside, but that's an easy fix.
The next issue that jumps at me is the story of the little colt. Everything is going well, ponies are wowed by Trixie's shows, then one snot-nosed brat throws a tomato at Trixie and suddenly it's an all-out garbage fest? The frig? That escalated quickly.
And Trixie's cart gets stolen, just to further prove that Trixie's life is now in the crapper. Nice.
I did enjoy the talk between Nightmare and Trixie. That felt appropriately ominous.
5967448 yeh. I was kinda rushed while writing this earlier. The only part i was really able to focus on was the nightmare moon conversation. What i was going for with the colt story was that some of the crowd already knew about trixie, but didn't want to be the first to run her out. That took an immature colt. Thanks for your read:) Appreciate the assistance for a rookie bro:)
Alright guys:). Already 49 views in about a few hours time for my first story seems good to me. I appreciate u guys taking the time to read my story. I especially want a give a shout out to my "Homie" Meester, who i spent a long time having an interesting "conversation the other day. Also, thanks to obsolescence for approving my story. Lastly, tommorows chapter will focus on twilight and two of her friends, with the third chapter to be released tommorow or a day after, will provide some Trixie backstory.
Chapter two is good to go.
CHAPTER 3 IS UP.
I like the idea of the story. I'm betting she becomes evil and then repents at the end. It's hard to feel bad for Trixie (and i'm the gut that created the great and not obsessive trixie group) she doesn't come off as someone who works hard and can't overcome natural talent. She seems like a jerk while twilight looks saint;y next to her.
Keep at it. You've got something original here.
5976024 Aprreciate it. :)
Prbly no new chapters till next week since ill be quite busy for the next few days
5977738 ehh. From what we've been shown of her and what her inner monologue tries to convey is that she trains all the time but always comes up short to twilight. And seeing her only time as a filly with her studying makes it seem like she was trying her hardest and was giving it her all (when she tried so hard to lift the dummies and her staying up late to train.) you haven't shown her as someone who doesn't work hard in fact I see the opposite.
5977836 That is what i was aiming for. I guess a better way to put it would be that because her magical ability is not on par with Twilights, shes willing to resort to any means necessary to level the playing field, up to and including cheating, a trait she certainly does share with Malfoy.
Chapter 4 up
did not see that coming.
5993252 Then I have succeeded! Plot Twist!
Chapte5 is UP!
After a long absence, DOSD Us is back! Periodic updates.
6 is up! Please give me ur thoughts!
Consructive advice is welcome.
When you said a storm is coming I couldn't help but think of the dark knight rises.
6533066 Well i never saw that movie, but yay for accidental easter eggs! Also, care to guess whats behind that door?
Well for one Trizie didn't bring that gaitn monser bear, it was snip and snails and they got a stupid mustace as a punishment.
they should been made to clean up the mess or reported to thier parents.
Trixie is alsoa show mare so she going to show tricks and tell stories, yes maybe she went a little far in showing up the others, but they should not had tried to ruin the show she was doing.