If Yzma taught me anything, it's that you always color code your potions as well as label them!
Anyways, it'd be kinda funny if the virility potion Shining took somehow also counteracted the sterility potion one of them took, so they both end up pregnant.
My prediction: Shining and cadance Tell velvet about the mix-up. Velvet panics and goes in a relapse of her getting pregnant from the First Time, blurts out she can't be pregnant from shining for a second Time. Dramatic discussion ensues and they find out the potions weren't switched and ends with another round of sexy pony action.
5970460 Also, please, please fix this because you do it a LOT in your writing in general:
WRONG
"I'm sorry." He said.
CORRECT
"I'm sorry," he said.
You could easily do a Search/Replace of ( ." ) with ( ," ) and fix 95% of these errors, even if you created new ones in the process.
A sentence isn't over until the thought is complete, but this happens in every line of dialogue that doesn't end in a ? or ! And it's hurting my eyes, and it's really basic grammar you shouldn't be screwing up at this point.
5970942 I wasn't referring to your writing, as much as adding to the list of errata. Sorry for the confusion.
Also, how is this relevant to this story?
Good writing practice is always relevant to the quality of the story being told. This is the Comments section of this story, therefore my criticism is extremely relevant.
Thrilling conclusion? the answer is simple... There was never a contraceptive potion... because there never was one, Oh Shining, you have walked with you tongue and cock again.
5988869 Twilight Velvet's uterus is somehow quantum entangled with Twilight Sparkle's uterus, so they both get pregnant. Maes no sense, but what fun I there in making sense?
Cadence worked her way backwards on the bed, supporting Velvet's shoulders, laying her back down. Her mouth never left her horn. Velvet's eyes fluttered closed in bliss. Looking across her torso, Cadence caught Shining's eyes, and pointed to Velvet's legs. Shining pointed to his still-wilted erection, even now only part-way stiff. Cadence rolled her eyes and took her mouth off of Velvet's horn just long enough to waggle her tongue at him.
"Ah," Shining mouthed silently and nodded in understanding.
Alright. In the first couple paragraphs, I can already tell they're a married couple. That's good writing.
"Tug of war!" Shining said. They each looked at him. "Try to pull apart, and whoever is able to keep the toys in them is tighter," "Making love isn't a competition dear," Velvet said. "Yeah, because I think we both know who would win," Cadence added. "Me," Velvet narrowed her eyes back at the mare doubly attached to her. "You're on," Velvet said.
6273948 there's a couple of factors that determine how tight a woman's vagina is. lack of lubrication is one, muscle strength in the area is another, and also the size of the woman's vagina can also be a determining factor as well. believe me, you can have a tight pussy that's well lubricated if she's small or is in good physical shape (i remember my escapades with a volleyball girl back in high school... pure heaven!). also, having kids does not loosen a lady up by any means.
6049837 Doctor: "Sir, your wife is hot, and she's the princess of love. Of course you're going to fuck her until you're dehydrated at least once. For the future, remember to take breaks, hydrate, and use lube."
Bonus cloptional chapter posted! Also, I nixed Luna from the earlier chapter. (See what I did there?)
If Yzma taught me anything, it's that you always color code your potions as well as label them!
Anyways, it'd be kinda funny if the virility potion Shining took somehow also counteracted the sterility potion one of them took, so they both end up pregnant.
5970218 i agree both pregnant is best outcome
Nice chapter, but there's a few thing you may want to edit.
That should be "they're".
That should be question mark.
And that should be "let's". Also, thank you for editing out the Luna part.
5970218 ooo I agree.
My prediction: Shining and cadance Tell velvet about the mix-up. Velvet panics and goes in a relapse of her getting pregnant from the First Time, blurts out she can't be pregnant from shining for a second Time. Dramatic discussion ensues and they find out the potions weren't switched and ends with another round of sexy pony action.
I'm spoilering this Just in case its True.
5970218
Imagine if Equestrian Medicine can do vasectomy and Night did this procedure and Velvet got pregnant, just imagine the chaos!
5970460 Also, please, please fix this because you do it a LOT in your writing in general:
WRONG
CORRECT
You could easily do a Search/Replace of ( ." ) with ( ," ) and fix 95% of these errors, even if you created new ones in the process.
A sentence isn't over until the thought is complete, but this happens in every line of dialogue that doesn't end in a ? or ! And it's hurting my eyes, and it's really basic grammar you shouldn't be screwing up at this point.
This has been a Public Service Message
5970934 To what writing of mine are you talking about? Also, how is this relevant to this story?
Unless you decide that mares stay in their reproductive prime significantly longer than humans, I don't think that Velvet should get knocked up again.
5970942 I wasn't referring to your writing, as much as adding to the list of errata. Sorry for the confusion.
Good writing practice is always relevant to the quality of the story being told. This is the Comments section of this story, therefore my criticism is extremely relevant.
5970972 Okay, my bad for misunderstanding. Sorry.
5970977 No worries! It's all good. I should have made it clear that I was just adding to your comment.
Fuck'n HOT! Excellent Chapter!
5969911
There is only one solution to this.
Velvet has to bang the shit out of Night when she gets home. That way, he'll never know.
Except when he jacks off to the PI's photos of them....;)
5971885 I love you.
unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/pointy6-465x245.jpg
5970460 Fixed. Thank you.
5970934 *Does basic Google search* Shit! Why has it taken this long for someone to point this out?
I'm hoping for both pregnant, myself, but if I had to chose one over the other it'd be velvet
this chapter was MUCH more engaging. You put a lot more heart into this one, I could tell.
5969239
So when does the Shining Armor/Twilight Sparkle/Twilight Velvet story come?
I vote for the fertility potion. what better mothersday present than to get pregnant again by own son for second time.
The moment I saw two fertility potions I knew the question of "which one did I give her" would come up. XD
Vaginal cum swapping from mother to daughter, this NEEDS to become a fetish.
5975264 It is now.
I'm a pioneer.
i.imgur.com/JPUpK6O.gif
Thrilling conclusion? the answer is simple...
There was never a contraceptive potion... because there never was one, Oh Shining, you have walked with you tongue and cock again.
stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/4470713/box-ing-spongebob-o.gif
I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE GETS PREGGERS
5988869 Twilight Velvet's uterus is somehow quantum entangled with Twilight Sparkle's uterus, so they both get pregnant. Maes no sense, but what fun I there in making sense?
That must've been an awkward story for the doctor
Cadence got hoofed
i can't wait till the next chapter comes out.
6119583 Fixed. Would you like some cheese with that?
Well, my plasma cannon has officially overheated. Need to cool down for the next chapter.
ok then will shining have a sister or a doter?? we will know in 11 mouth's.
Alright. In the first couple paragraphs, I can already tell they're a married couple. That's good writing.
Fun fact: tighter is tenser, which means she's less aroused - contrary to what the Internet would have you believe, tight is bad.
6273948 there's a couple of factors that determine how tight a woman's vagina is. lack of lubrication is one, muscle strength in the area is another, and also the size of the woman's vagina can also be a determining factor as well.
believe me, you can have a tight pussy that's well lubricated if she's small or is in good physical shape (i remember my escapades with a volleyball girl back in high school... pure heaven!).
also, having kids does not loosen a lady up by any means.
wow , this is like what the second or third fic i know of now that includes hoofing? such an underused amazing sex act.....
6049837
Doctor: "Sir, your wife is hot, and she's the princess of love. Of course you're going to fuck her until you're dehydrated at least once. For the future, remember to take breaks, hydrate, and use lube."
Velvet went from nervously kissing another mare for the first time, to
fisthoof fucking another mare pretty quickly!