This is winning
Diamond Tiara huffed in annoyance.
It was a bright and sunny Saturday which she would have wanted to spend hanging out with Silver Spoon, maybe going to see a movie or just wandering around Ponyville talking. Unfortunately, her best friend was stuck at home—foalsitting, of all things. When Diamond Tiara had asked for whom, Silver Spoon crinkled her nose in confusion before responding: “Duh! For my baby brother of course.”
Diamond Tiara hadn't even known that Silver Spoon had a baby brother.
Being alone and having nothing to do was proving to be a dreadful experience. Right now she was sitting at Sugarcube Corner, sullenly slurping the remains of an iced tea—her third—and looking at the clock on the wall, wondering how time could pass so slowly. Butler had dropped her off at the town square at twelve and she had told him to pick her up at two, and here it was one thirty and she was bored out of her wits. She begged for something interesting to happen. Anything interesting! Just so that she would be able to catch some bit of juicy gossip to spread.
Suddenly, the door swung open and the Cutie Mark Crusaders entered the shop. Thank Celestia. Showing those blank flanks where they belong would be a much more satisfying way to spend her time.
“Whew,” Scootaloo said loudly, parking her scooter next to a coat rack before joining her two friends in line. “Y'know, playing the piano is tougher than it looks. After all, piano ponies just bang the keys with their hooves. What were we doing wrong?”
“They're called pianists,” Sweetie Belle corrected, sounding uncannily like Rarity as she did so.
“Maybe we weren't hittin' the keys hard enough,” said Apple Bloom. “But oh well. Sweetie Belle kinda got the hang of it at the end, there. At least the piano didn't sound like it was dyin' like it did for you, Scootaloo...Hey!” she exclaimed, turning to Sweetie Belle. “Maybe your special talent is music!”
“I don't know...” Sweetie Belle said slowly, reddening. “I don't think I'm good enough. But it would be nice...”
Diamond Tiara had planned to at least wait until the three bought their drinks, but an opportunity like that was too rich to pass up. She laughed loudly, grabbed her empty cup and went to stand behind the three fillies in line.
“A musician? You have got to be kidding me,” Diamond Tiara said. “You seriously think she should get her cutie mark in music?”
Apple Bloom shifted nervously, causing Diamond Tiara to smirk. This was too easy. “Uh, well, I dunno—I mean, if she wants to, that's fine--”
“You three have no idea about anything, do you?” Diamond Tiara said. “Not all cutie marks are good, you know. If I had gotten a music cutie mark, Daddy probably would have disowned me. Most musicians are poor so they live on the streets of Canterlot, singing and accompanying themselves by playing cheap guitars with broken strings for extra bits. And the few that actually get paying jobs have to work long hours for bad working conditions and abysmal pay.” After letting her words sink in for a few moments, she spoke again. “Oh, and Scootaloo? In case you don't know what abysmal means, just think of the state of your vocabulary. It's the perfect way to describe it.”
Apple Bloom came to her friend's defense at once. “Hey! Lay off of her! She ain't stupid!”
“As if you would know any better. I'm surprised your family sent you to school at all. What, they needed somepony in the family able to read?”
“Diamond Tiara, please stop,” Sweetie Belle said. “If you don't like us so much, then go away and stop bothering us!”
“I can't go away,” Diamond Tiara retorted calmly. “I'm standing in line, stupid.”
It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders' turn to order. Sweetie Belle turned towards Mrs. Cake, who was working at the counter. “Three milkshakes, please,” she said. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo carried the milkshakes over to a booth while Sweetie Belle paid. Diamond Tiara filed this notion in the back of her brain as possible gossip.
After paying, Mrs. Cake handed her a new glass of iced tea. Diamond Tiara walked back over to her table, but to her dismay, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were sitting at her table.
“Scram, losers! This is my table, I was here first.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle flinched, looking more than happy to leave, but Scootaloo glared at her defiantly: “Go away, Diamond Tiara. This table was free when we got here, so it's ours. Go find your lonely self another table.”
Diamond Tiara felt her cheeks reddening with rage. How dare Scootaloo, a blank flank and overall loser, call HER lonely?
“Where is Silver Spoon, anyway?” Sweetie Belle blurted out curiously.
“None of your business,” Diamond Tiara said curtly. “And Scootaloo, you're one to talk. You, of all ponies, calling somepony lonely. I bet it's all fun and games and friends down at that orphanage you live in, isn't it? That's right, I know. By the way, how's your father doing these days? Daddy's private files on you said something about rehabilitation, but it's hard to know--”
“Lay off her!” Sweetie Belle cut in, noticing her friend quiver, seemingly conflicted between anger and tears. “We'll give you your stupid table, all right? Just stop picking on us!”
“No we won't!” Scootaloo said, her voice cracking slightly. She wiped her eyes furiously, trying to destroy any evidence of tears, and so they looked reddish and slightly swollen. “We were here first--”
“--actually, I was here first--”
“--and we're not going anywhere! You think you're so great, with your Butler and your Daddy and your stupid little crown, but it's going to take you more than a couple of mean words to push us around this time!”
Where was all this resistance coming from? One thing was sure: Scootaloo had challenged her. Scootaloo thought she was better than her. And Scootaloo was about to see what a good-for-nothing, rotton, blank flank she really was. Because nopony challenged Diamond Tiara. Nopony.
“The orphanage discharges you soon,” Diamond Tiara said, trying to look as nonchalant as possible whilst enjoying Scootaloo's horrified expression. “You own nothing, other than your scooter. And that milkshake Sweetie Belle bought you. Maybe you should sell it back instead of drinking it. After all, it would more than double your financial assets. Oh, you don't know what that means? In stupid pony language, that means making a hopelessly poor person a bit less poor. Anyway, you'll have no home, cutie mark or skills whatsoever. You have Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle who will take you in for a couple of weeks, but after that...” Diamond Tiara trailed off, smirking.
Scootaloo flushed a deep red. “That—that's not true!” Scootaloo said hotly.
“Oh, what's the matter? Did my mean words hurt you? I thought you said--”
“I know what I said, and I'm sticking to it! Just shut up! I don't care about what you say anyway!” Scootaloo said, her voice breaking.
“Really? 'Cause it looks like you're starting to cr--”
“SHUT UP!” Scootaloo yelled, voice wobbling. She hit the table with both of her forehooves hard, causing their drinks to teeter. If Diamond Tiara had not been so focused at the satisfaction of seeing Scootaloo break at last, she would have noticed that the din of Sugarcube corner quieted to thick silence as everypony cautiously turned their heads to look at the table occupied by the four schoolfillies.
Taking a deep breath, Scootaloo spoke quietly: “Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle: I'm gonna go outside to get some fresh air. I'll—be back in a sec.” And Scootaloo exited the room, carefully letting her mane obstruct the table's view of her eyes.
And then there were three.
“Just go away, Diamond Tiara,” Sweetie Belle said quietly, looking nervously towards the door. “Please. That was really mean.”
“In case you don't remember, Scootaloo was mean to me first.”
“Well, Rarity says that you shouldn't do mean things to other ponies just because they did them to you first.”
“Rarity? As in your big sister? Ha! You do know that big sisters aren't supposed to act like that, right? My big sister never bosses me around—she never tells me to do chores or how to act.”
“Well, she's the grownup in the house, so it makes sense, I guess...”
“Being raised by your big sister doesn't make sense—it's not normal!” Diamond Tiara retorted. “Most ponies' parents don't just drop them off at their big sister's place before moving to Fillydelphia and never coming back. Don't tell me you never realized how weird that is. It's like, she's your mom, but not really, because she's actually your sister. You know, she'll never love you as much as a real mom would. Unicorn siblings aren't bonded as strongly as earth pony or pegasus siblings. That must really suck for you, to know that your only family is a big sister who will probably leave you some day. I mean, my big sister left ages ago off to Manehattan University and hasn't written once, but I don't care because I have Daddy and Silver Spoon and Butler because I'm not going to be lonely like you will be some day--”
Sweetie Belle sniffled, eyes starting to glisten. “I—I never thought about that before.”
“Don't listen to her, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom said. “She's just telling a bunch o' lies to make you feel upset.”
“No, Apple Bloom—think about it,” Sweetie Belle said softly. “It's true. It's always been the case that unicorn siblings split apart over the years. Rarity will never love me like Applejack loves you, and eventually she'll move to Manehattan or Canterlot without me or get an exclusive deal with Photo Finish and do secret work all day long and her dreams will all come true and I'll never get to see her and she'll forget all about me...”
Diamond Tiara preened. That had been easier than she thought it would be.
Sweetie Belle wiped at the tears streaming down her face, making the fur on her face stick up in places. “I'm—going—Scootaloo--” she choked. She stood up and trotted away. Diamond Tiara heard the sound of the door closing as Sweetie Belle left.
And then there were two.
Apple Bloom glanced nervously at the door.
“You're a big bully, y'all know that?” she said, glaring at Diamond Tiara. “But you know what? Scootaloo was right. Somepony has to show you that you can't always get your way by
“Ah, Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara said slowly, relishing the absolute control she had over her. Apple Bloom wouldn't dare leave the table now. Both ponies knew that leaving would mean surrender.
“You know what a bloom is, in literature? Of course you don't—you're too stupid to read. It means hope, hope for a new beginning. Everypony who's not too dumb to take words at their face value know that you weren't just names Apple Bloom 'cause it involves apples. Your sister and brother are singlehoofedly relying on you to be that spark—that bloom, that new beginning--to get your family apple farm back to where it once was. But you don't even have a cutie mark! Your cutie mark probably won't have anything to do with apples, either—if it did, you would have long gotten it by now. So once they realize that you're just a worthless, untalented brat that can't help your sorry orchard in the slightest, all your family's crop will stay unsold and your trees will die. And then my Daddy will buy out the land and turn it into an extremely profitable amusement park or shopping mall or something and you'll have to work there for minimum wage. And it'll all be your fault, since you will have let not just your entire family, but all your ancestors down--”
Apple Bloom sniffled slightly before crying, then wailing, and pushing herself out of the booth, then running out of the shop, screaming: “I hate you! I hate you so much, y'all know that?”
The door to Sugarcube Corner slammed shut.
And then there was one.
Diamond Tiara noticed her iced tea, full to the brim, having fully forgotten about it. Her mouth felt dry, probably from talking so much. She took a sip, feeling at once refreshed.
This is winning.
First Sweetie Belle had had the nerve to tell her to go away. Then Scootaloo had called her lonely. And they had stolen her table, too! But she fought back—and won.
This is winning.
For a moment, there, she had thought she was going to lose. For a couple of losers, the Cutie Mark Crusaders' resolve and determination was disgustingly high.
This is winning.
Relief washed over her, but it didn't last long, because something else followed in suit. Maybe it was because she finally noticed that some of the other ponies in the shop were eyeing her warily. Maybe it was because she never meant to make anypony cry, she just wanted her table back. Of course, it wasn't really ever about a table, either.
It was about winning.
She almost didn't notice Butler come in.
“Did you have a fun afternoon, Miss?”
“Oh, yes,” Diamond Tiara said, because while the first part had been dreadfully boring, the second part had been more than enough fun to make up for it.
“You weren't by chance picking on those three young fillies from your class, were you? I saw them outside, and they did not look of the best of spirits.”
Ha. Losers.
“It's none of your business,” Diamond Tiara said shortly. “Let's just get to my carriage.”
She walked outside and glanced to her right, where she saw Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, engaging in a tight group hug. She could still hear Apple Bloom's whimpers. Each filly had red, glistening eyes, a ruffled mane and spoke in soft, cracking tones.
This is winning.
“Ready, miss?” Butler asked, holding the door open for her.
Diamond Tiara slammed the carriage door shut and waited as Butler started to pull the carriage. As they drove away, she snuck one last peak at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They were still huddled together, still hugging each other tightly, still crying.
As they should be.
This is winning.
...
I think.
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That was it?
Um... Diamond would never do that.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-GglkA2bxO2o/TxH7sBwl2XI/AAAAAAAAbII/Xzs_ueHXeMg/s1600/111743+-+adults+apple_bloom+artist+musapan+Diamond_Tiara+dinky_hooves+future+Pipsqueak+scootaloo+Sweetie_Belle.png
5877750 Yes, that was it. Not all stories end happily ever after, you know.
*reaches out to open air* The potential...it's just drifting away...
Someone needs to put Diamond Tiara in her place, ASAP...
5877844 Exactly.
Faceplam.
In all seriousness, this is very downright cruel and depressing.
I don't get why this has so many dislikes.
I mean, yeah, it's not especially great, but it's not terribly written and it's got some decent moments.
I guess people are upset because Diamond Tiara won, or whatever.
5877968
It's not really that. It's more of the way the story is. Like, wow, Diamond totally ripped them apart, but afterwards may have felt a smidge of sadness or regret for doing it. But that's it. Nothing's going to improve or continue from the story so we get an actual, content ending. It just leaves us with a wanna-be cliffhanger.
I never was able to analyze stories well but will try to give you an idea of my reasoning for the down votes.
Yes the story is written well, in my one reading of it I did not see typos and it flows well from one scene to another.
On the other hand Diamond Tiara starts out with her normal self indulging persona and gets away with three cases of mind rape right in front of other adults.
Not one pony in the store speaks up to stop it. Yes many of them may be afraid of Filthy Rich’s money and influence but Pinkie has the ear of four alicorns!
At the end of the story, except for the dying gasp from a terminally ill conscience, that little daughter of a diamond dog walks out as if nothing out of the way happened at all.
To be fair I really think there should be a method to differentiate between not liking a story because of errors in spelling, grammar, plot holes and so forth and just not liking the story itself.
And that's where we are now I think that most of your down votes are just for the story not your ability as a writer, you just managed to hit a sore spot for a lot of readers.
Sometimes, folks, the villain comes out on top.
Revenge of the Sith anyone?
5878004
I guess I can see that.
I really liked this story
no idea why it has so many downvotes
5878294
I think it's more to do with the potential it had but didn't reach. This could have shown Diamond Tiara growing as a pony, or showing how the CMC grow as individuals but it's not. It's just Diamond Tiara is a bitch, she makes them cry, the end.
It's not bad. It's just a little disappointing because I was expecting more.
5877806
Well, ain't gonna read it now that your comment told me that.
5878578 Well, your loss. ;) Or maybe not, considering this story does not seem to be to the tastes of FimFiction's body of readers.
...and yes, I am aware that that might have just been the understatement of the century.
5878843
Doesn't matter if it's well-written these days. If the subject doesn't appeal, the story fails. A lot of people don't even take the time to look at it. So for that, you do not have yourself to blame.
Don't worry about me, by the way. I'm on this website to write, not to read. I probably wouldn't have sat down to read this even if it looked like it was written by God himself.
5878057 Yeah, I think your reasoning hits the problem spot on, lol. All the other stories I have posted here are either tagged as comedy or sad but with a heatwarming, kind of cheesy ending, and I basically only read stories like that as well, so I have basically no exposure to the deep, dark waters that are slightly more depressing fanfics. I think this is the most people I've pissed off on the internet over something I said or created, which is amazing, considering that all I did was post a 2500 word short story about pastel colored ponies having a conversation of milkshakes and an iced tea.
5877789
You say Diamond Tiara would never do that? In the show, DT is a bully with a love for gossip, despite it being potentially hurtful to others. In this story, DT bullies the CMC a bit more intensely than usual because she feels personally attacked, and uses gossip as her main weapon to hurt others. Gee, I don't know. Between that and your attached picture of the CMC, Dinky, PIpsqueak and Diamond Tiara being best pals, it's hard to know whose idea of how Diamond Tiara would really act is closer to the show.
Also, I just noticed the wonderful groups this story was tagged in, noticed that you are a member of one and just recently joined the other three and came to the conclusion that you were probably the butthurt person who decided to bestow this fanfiction the honor of being allowed to be a member of those groups. It's funny--I originally wrote this fanfiction since it was a neat idea that popped into my head, that I hadn't read anywhere before and that I thought I could decently execute. Although reading the groups this story has been tagged in, I suppose this cannot be the case: after all, this fic is "overly stupid", "absolutely disgusting", "unnecessar[ily] cruel[...]" and last but not least with "no originality". I deeply apologize for this mistake--obviously, all fanfiction that does not comply with your specific tastes is automatically trash and deserves to be classified as such. I shall attempt to see to the task making sure that this will not happen again.
This was marked as incomplete when I got the first view. Maybe it should still be...
Skip to bottom for short version.
Long version:
This was actually kinda sad. She took that whole 'being alone' comment a bit too personally and Scootaloo refusing to give up that seat was not the smartest thing to do. Those three normally prefer to avoid confrontations. I don't feel offended by this though. It exaggerates the CMC as much as DT. But there was supposed to be string of guilt here, for she finally gets to see what her actions of this level can do to a pony. See that the crusaders aren't just always able to bounce back from an insult. To really see the aftermath of it all.
Problem though, I can see that you wanted to make DT question herself, to ask herself if going that far was really worth it, but a bit too much with Scootaloo's orphan-hood, and DT's ability to acquire confidential files, as well as the end bits mixed with what you tried to show us, just ends up being overshadow with what you seem to have been going for. Diamond Tiara didn't seem remorseful, much at all, didn't sound like it, but she was definitely starting to question whether she may have gone too far for a simple defense there.
It's honestly too bad you didn't ease people into that pangs of guilt Diamond was supposedly feeling. Make her feel as each crusader broke down. Going from happy to beat a challenger like Scootaloo, to being a bit unnerved to see Sweetie cave in that way. And to see Apple Bloom use the H word with such vigor that it should have at least made a tingle go up her spine for being so cruel.
Well, at least if you were going to keep it this short. Diamond is having a bad day. Figures the CMC are easy to poke a soft crack or two before enjoying her beverage, but goes full tilt on the offense for being implied to having no friends or that Silver Spoon had not want to hang with her that day.
All that just got seriously blown out of proportions likely beyond what she ever intended. As she doesn't care much for their marks, only that they screw up a lot and are fun to watch make fools of themselves.
While this story does just throw her into a setting to explode on the CMC and break them in an overexaggerated way, it at least tries to go somewhere with it. But like I said earlier, that gets a bit too overshadowed as it just isn't presented or explored enough for many to really give it the chance to really mull things over. Silver Spoon is normally the one who attacks with such a silver tongue to that level of nasty. Diamond likes to keep her image clean, this sort of destroys her image among the other customers there.
To top it all off, they seemed to have been a bit overly loud. Argumentative there. The Cakes must have been absent from the counter for a big chunk of time or fear to make a move against Diamond Tiara to prevent further harm and to stop the other patrons from feeling uncomfortable in such a family friendly place. So you may have dragged a scene or two a bit long. But I'll go with the Cakes being too dumbstruck to what was going on to really do anything by the time Apple Bloom ran off.
If you showed us more than told us, like DT probably getting more upset at all the judgemental eyes on her. Looking at her as if they would be next. Disapproving faces and some even feeling sad to having seen what happened. Like the time the class got on Diamond for calling out Granny for being a kooky old lady (who was licking chalk off the board no less) that horrified Cheerilee and shocked the class. She felt and knew then that what she did was bad, even if to her it made no sense at the time.
Overall, fic could use a sad and or dark tag. This is far too vitriolic for just Slice of Life story and implies this is just normal for the CMC. Which, if that were true, they'd probably have a three way suicide in front of Diamond Tiara or kill her and Silver if they got them on a bad day. Either way, it'd end poorly for everypony. I don't see it as very family friendly, or close to MLP standards one bit. Though I've seen what people have done with an E rated stories on this site and how low the standards are for passing them with such ease. So I'm not surprised.
Still, the amount of hate this fic is getting is a bit overblown as DT's character. But, had you played up and put more focus on DT's anger, and removed the telly parts that tell us how much she "loves to do this because of this to those ponies because reasons" moments, fic likely wouldn't have been as ill received by some.
I rather liked this story. Not the characterizations, as I believe the CMC and DT could have had the same outcome without the orphans fanon and other bits. But on doing something beyond your original intention, and for once, unlike in many CMC episodes, finally see the consequences to her actions on the CMC. So for that you get a like and a feature.
Story needs polish. Doesn't feel deserving of an E rating, but then again I'm old fashion. Good job for the most part. For the record, I don't believe this fic deserves to be in some of those groups.
In short:
While I agree this isn't an original approach, and it was a bit over the top, but it feels really petty to add this story into bash groups like those. Personally, I prefer to ignore bash fics and let them wallow in limbo. It just goes against standards to throw these things into those types of bash groups feels hypocritical and only leads to hurting other peoples feelings.
This story has nothing in it that can't be refined, such as that dark imply that Diamond has access to confidential files on Scootaloo as if this was The Diamond Exchange fic or something. It veers too far from FiM and more into headcanon territory which overshadows the implied hint of DT being regretful after finally bearing witness to the aftermath such words have on others. Something she's never had to own up to or question because it's just words, right?
A bit more character study would be advised. Try to find less extreme shortcuts to try and feed on peoples emotions like what you did with Scootaloo. And it's honestly a shame you didn't continue this a bit further. It really feels like a cliffhanger the way it ends, nothing feels resolved in the least and this is what people seem to be the most disappointed I'd imagine. It just didn't go anywhere, implied guilt just get overshadowed.
5879041 I like your style. while I AM a bit concerned by the acquisition of confidential files, this fic actually says a lot about DT's character. For example, her sister in this headcanon. Diamond is (hopefully) pretending not to care about her sister being gone, which could be a source for her bullying. I can also see DT, being the spoiled brat she is, lashing out over boredom and a table. This story could maybe use a second chapter if you want to make Di doubt herself more. I think it was pretty realistic (for headcanon about a show for little girls featuring magical technicolor ponies) and while I wanted to wring Diamond Tiara's little neck by the end of it, I liked it.
I nearly cried. Oh, wait.
(insert dramatic cry)
And so the removal of meanness begins.