A New Illustrated Pony

by EllahSketch

My Happy Dead Parents :(

As Ellah walks home, she smiles the biggest smile ever. She was the happiest pony in Equestria for sure! Her eyes were obviously a bright yellow, but even though that made people stare, she didn't care one single bit. She even stopped by Sunbucks (popular coffee shop) for a nice, hot Chai Laté! Mmm! Sipping her Laté, she trots down a dirt path humming a song that she'd heard her mom practice zillions of times. It was very catchy.

She was finally home! CRASH!!! All of a sudden, Ellah swore she saw a pot being thrown out of a window, and of course it had to be the floor that her apartment was on. She rushed in with red eyes and face. She galloped through the door and saw two bruised ponies yelling at each other. "CALM DOWN AND JUST DO THE DISHES LIONA!!", yelled Pencil at Liona. Noticing Ellah, her mother lowers her voice arguing, "No! I have to practice my parts on the scripts, and then I will do the dishes. Why don't you go draw some to calm down!"

Ellah slowly walks over and gestures toward the window. "Or, ya know, you could fix the window..." She raises her brows at her father. Pencil glares at his daughter and yells, "Go to your room Ellah! This isn't your business! So GO!" Ellah was shocked at first with her eyes grey and blue, but then they immediately started to glow. They were redder than ever and glowing! The expression on her face startled her mother. She started walking, but suddenly began to float! Her horn covered in a red glow also. It's like she created a new kind of magic.

When she spoke, it sounded a bit raspy and evil. "Not my business? NOT MY BUSINESS!? YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE WORTHLESS LIFE IS MY BUSINESS FATHER!!" Pencil and Liona both became very terrified. Pencil tried to find a knife in a drawer next to him. "Oh, and father... DONT EVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!!" He smiles and replies, " B-but I'm your f-father!" He takes out the knife with orange magic and throws it at Ellah. Little did he know that Ellah had created a new, stronger magic if her own. She stopped the knife with her newer red magic and sent it flying back at him.

It went right through the front of his chest and out of his back. He stands there. Stunned. Then all of a sudden falls over with tears in his eyes and lets out his last breath. Her mother, still in the corner, screams and cries out, "Pencil! Noooo! Ellah why?!" Her enraged daughter shoot a look back at her to keep her quiet. "Shh...The neighbors might hear your screams!" She elegantly lands back down on the ground as if she had wings and continues, "I'm doing this for your own good, ya know. Death is doing you part. Now you guys can be happy! In heaven!"

Endless tears run down her mother's face. Ellah picks up the acceptance letter and holds it to where her mother could see it. "Hey, I got accepted to the art school!" Liona wipes tears off of her muzzle, and pretends to be "happy" for her. "Good for you dear! Now will you please let mommy go? Please!?" Ellah just shakes her head. "Tsk tsk! I see what you are trying to do! You're trying to escape from my nice goodbye gift... happiness! If you want to go ahead and leave then I guess..." She picks up an electric turkey carving knife and turns it on.

"... we'll just have to end the party sooner, right mommy?" Liona shakes with fear. Now too scared tocry. "Bye bye! Love you!" Horrifying screams come from Liona Script as her limbs are cut off one by one. Her precious daughter smiling during it all. "NO!! ELLAH STOP IT!! AHHHH!! AHHHH!! SOMEPONY HEEELLP!!" Liona's blood is everywhere in their kitchen, along with her husband's. With one last swing, Liona's head plops on the floor with a smile drawn on her face with her own blood.

Ellah, light-headed, passes out after all of the evil magic vanishes. Golden flies to the window to see all of the blood and Ellah lying on the floor. He just chirps sadly and waits... waits... and waits. Until the next day, Ellah finally wakes up.

Comments

[tezzbot]

Well dayum, that was fast. I guess you could say she got, Puts on sunglasses, the dark meat. YEAAAAA!!!!

[Elric of Melnipony]

her eye colors change with her emotions

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/KaleidoscopeEyes
"People rarely stop and think about how a fully functional "Mood Ring Eyes" would negatively impact the possessor's lives. She would never be able to lie about her feelings or secrets. Any crush, any secret resentment, any boredom during somebody's story, would instantly and undeniably be aired."
"A common trait of a Mary Sue."

Ellah Sketch is an orphaned pony.
A New Illustrated Pony by EllahSketch

Also not a good sign. Self-inserts -- especially ones with exotic pets and unusual physical traits (such as eyes that change color) -- are usually stories with excessive wish-fulfillment, which also tends to lead to a Mary Sue protagonist. (Also, while it's somewhat counter-intuitive, the proper spelling is "phoenix".)

[EllahSketch]

5583189
Just to let you know, I just thought of the eyes on my own. I didn't type that because I read it somewhere else and thought it was cool. Also, I meant for the whole crushes and boredom thing to happen in the story anyway.
I'm also a new fan-fic writer on the internet right now and didn't mean anything when I put put myself in the story. Plus, tons of others do that too.
With the whole phoenix thing, Golden Sparks is actually my boyfriend's OC pony (who is a pegasus). I didn't want to put him in the story because he would interfere later on.
I know this sounds as if I'm smarting off to you, but I'm not trying to. I just thought I'd clear up a few miss understandings, but thank you for helping! You made me realize that I should think more about what I write.
Ellah Sketch

[TerminatorPON47]

5583189 omg r u every ware!!!!!! U just correct and correct people's little mistakes and then try to look good but u don't

I bet that you can't read this comment mr' grammar

[Elric of Melnipony]

5586128
This isn't about me trying to look good, you poor, deluded child. This is about trying to make other writers better.

See the difference? If not, I'll try to explain in simpler words for your benefit.

[EllahSketch]

5586345
5586128
Ohhhh!!!!! Burn!!!