Snowflakes fell around her, painting the world white. The brisk November air playfully nipped at Twilight’s nose. Frosty breath swirled out of her grinning mouth.
“Thanks, Rarity,” Twilight said. “I really needed to get out of the library.”
“Any time, darling,” her friend replied. If it weren’t for her hat and the mane upon which it sat, it would have been hard to see the white unicorn against the similarly white background. And yet Rarity elegantly stood out from her surroundings, as she always did. “We could all see that you were stressed. I always find my head clears after a short stroll through town.”
Twilight smiled. “Again, thanks, Rarity.”
“Twilight, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s gotten you so stressed lately?” Rarity inquired. While she was genuinely concerned for her friend, a tiny and quickly buried part of Rarity wondered if there were any tidbits of gossip in there.
Twilight momentarily debated with herself about how much to reveal, and then decided to take the Applejack approach. “I’m sure those magazines you read have mentioned the arrests up in Canterlot, right?”
“Oh yes, it’s all they ever talk about these days. A scandal here, a scandal there. Why, I can hardly believe my eyes,” Rarity exclaimed.
Twilight’s hoof crunched through a particularly icy patch. She looked ahead and moved the pair of them to a slightly safer part of the path. “I got a tip from Sparkle about some government corruption. I passed it on to Princess Celestia, and she decided to investigate, just to be safe.”
“I take it these arrests are from that investigation?” Rarity guessed.
Twilight snorted. “These are just the tip of the iceberg. If what the Princess told me is true, we could be looking at a complete overhaul of the government. It doesn’t seem like it at first, but we’re decades behind where we should be economically and technologically. Remember hearing about the Labyrinthia’s industrial revolution? We should have already started our own. And our laws. Did you know that stoning is still a valid punishment? Not what we did to Discord, but as a form of execution.”
“That’s ghastly!” Rarity said, before pulling out her couch from nowhere and fainting. When Twilight finally revived her, the white unicorn quickly apologized for that. “How did we not notice for so long?”
“We’ve been stagnating for a while, I guess,” Twilight said. “It was too slow. There was a griffin expression for that. ‘Put a frog in boiling water, and he’ll jump out. Put a frog in cold water and set it over a fire, and he won’t notice until it’s too late.’ I think we’re the second frog.
“And while the police are catching fraudulent politicians, the Royal Guard is searching for a criminal group that just doesn’t seem to exist here,” Twilight said.
Rarity replied, “Doesn’t exist? Then how did they think to look for it?”
“Sparkle again. She found it in her timeline, and I’m starting to think that something changed between our timelines that stopped ours from existing.”
“How strange,” Rarity commented. “What do you- Twilight!” Whatever Rarity was going to ask was lost as she noticed her friend doubled over.
Twilight screamed like she was on fire. The sensation had come so suddenly and without warning. Her legs buckled, causing her to flop down on her side.
Rarity managed to catch Twilight’s head before it hit the ground. But as she watched her friend choke and writhe, she could only do one thing. “HELP! SOMEPONY CALL A DOCTOR! HELP!”
Twilight’s horn began glowing with golden-white energy, shooting off sparks at random. Her limbs convulsed, seeming to bend and stretch in ways that Rarity didn’t think were possible. The light coming off her friend would have been beautiful if it weren’t accompanied by Twilight’s grunts and groans.
And then, as suddenly as it had come, the episode was over. Twilight, despite her heavy breathing and snow-covered body, seemed no worse for wear as she slowly pulled herself up from the ground. “Well, that was annoying.”
“Twilight! Oh Dear Celestia! Are you alright? I thought you were dying!” Rarity sobbed.
Twilight blinked. “Oh. No, I’m fine. I actually feel really good. That, um, didn’t hurt at all. Actually, it probably would have been better if it had hurt.”
“But you were writhing in agony!”
Twilight looked away, embarrassed. “That wasn’t agony. That was about as far from agony as you can get.”
“What do you- Oh?” Rarity’s cheeks, already rosy from the cold, went a shade pinker. Then, when Twilight turned back to look at her, she again went, “Oh.”
Twilight cocked her head to the side. “Rarity?”
“Darling, there are ribbons of gold swirling in your eyes. They’re… rather mesmerizing… oh my…” Rarity trailed off, simply staring at Twilight’s eyes.
Twilight looked away. Then, gathering her strength, she hoisted herself fully off the snowy ground.
Rarity blinked, eyes refocusing. “Twilight, Darling, how are you taller than me? I could have sworn you were shorter a moment ago.”
Twilight looked down at herself, and then back at Rarity. Sure enough, Twilight had grown by three quarters of a hoof length, going from slightly shorter than Rarity to significantly taller. “Interesting. I need a mirror.”
“Here you go, Darling!” Rarity exclaimed. When she produced a compact, Twilight didn’t question where it came from. Instead, the lavender unicorn flipped it open and took a good look at herself.
The changes were small, but noticeable regardless. Her horn was longer and more pointed, her face was slightly softer in shape, and her eyes had a swirl of gold in them that seemed to move whenever she looked away for even a fraction of a second. Twilight looked over the rest of her body. Her legs had taken most of the growth, making her appear proportionally slimmer; the dock of her tail had grown longer, pushing the start of her tail’s skirt away from her body; the hair of her fetlocks had grown out; and there was a noticeable groove in the front of each of her hooves.
All in all, her rather unexpected transformation had given her an old-fashioned, natural sort of beauty. But it was when Twilight took stock of her magic that she noticed where the real transformation had been. It felt dense and invigorated, and her well of magic was deeper than ever before. She knew immediately what had happened.
“I wonder what Sparkle did to herself this time?” Twilight folded up the compact mirror, not wanting to look at her face any more. It was the face of light corruption, something she hadn’t expected to happen to her for at least another decade. Yes, it looked nice, but it was corruption and not her own face. She wondered how much longer she’d have before her face was unrecognizable, even to herself; at this rate, probably no more than a decade or two.
“Twilight?”
“Rarity, let me tell you why you should never mess with strange magic.”
Sparkrovitar stretched luxuriously. He could feel the power, both physical and magical, flowing through both of his bodies, and it felt good. He experimentally flexed every muscle he could, feeling how they pulled on his bones. This was what he lived for; power, to help him achieve his goals, and pleasure, to make the journey all the more enjoyable.
He pulled off the now blackened necklace of pony bones from Sparkle’s neck. Sparkrovitar was disgusted that he’d needed them for the ritual in the first place, but since Dusk vampires had already killed the pony they’d belonged to for other reasons, the hybrid didn’t see why he shouldn’t get some use out of them. It wasn’t like the dead stallion would need them anymore.
The physical changes were surprising, but not wholly unexpected. He’d been using a lot of dark magic lately; it was no wonder that the physical corruption was catching up to him. Sparkrovitar took a moment to look over his bodies.
The ridge of spikes going down Sparkle’s back was new. Apparently, the spinous processes had grown and protruded through his pony back. It didn’t hurt or impede his movement, but it still looked odd. Sparkle was taller, too, which meant he’d have to either find a transfiguration specialist to adjust the size of the prosthetic, or have the original maker adjust it. There was a strange ridge of boney bumps on Sparkle’s head, though it was mostly hidden by her mane. Finally, her face looked harder and fiercer, something that Sparkrovitar found he enjoyed.
Thorn had changed, too. His base form had grown, increasing the minimum size to which he could shrink it. The spines on the dragon’s back had sharpened and lengthened, as had his tail blade. The skin, tendons, and muscles around the dragon’s mouth had also changed, allowing him to open his mouth wider than before. And across both bodies, their muscles had grown denser and their bones stronger.
All in all, Sparkrovitar liked the changes. He nodded to himself – something he could literally do with two bodies – and decided that he’d go without glamours and see how the ponies of Dusk reacted to him. After all, the entire reason he’d done the rituals that had unintentionally given him this look was for them, if not in the way they were thinking.
The spy smirked. In five days, Dusk would attack Canterlot, and in five days, Dusk would curse his very existence, if the Red Platoon didn’t get them first. He hoped that Luna had been very thorough with the counter-curse, and had gotten the LSC as well.
Of course, in five days, he’d also lose a magic research lab several times better than his own, and the funds and resources needed to conduct the experiments he had. It didn’t bother him terribly, though. Sparkrovitar figured that his skill had improved far enough that he could do even more extensive enhancements to Shining Armor when the time came, all without endangering him at all.
Maybe when the battle was over, the princesses would let him loot the base. Maybe they’d even confiscate some of the money from the bank accounts of the fallen, and then give him a nice, fat check for his service to the country on top of what he’d wrung out of Dusk already.
The smile that was quickly becoming a permanent feature on Sparkrovitar’s faces widened as he exited the lab and ran into Kätzchen. Just before he split back into Sparkle and Thorn, he said, “Hello, Cat. You’re just the pony I was looking for.”
The small, gold-colored earth pony looked up, and then up some more. “Hello, Frau Sparkle. You look different. Did you change zee schtyle of your hair?”
“Not exactly,” she replied playfully. “I actually have a favor I wanted to ask you, and I’ll give you a whole cup of blood wine if you do it.”
His eyes looked like they’d pop out of his head, they went so wide. “A whole cup? Frau Sparkle, you are zee greatescht! Vatever it is, I vill do it!”
“It’s nothing too difficult, especially for a messenger,” Sparkle said. “I want you to give a message to one of my ex-family members. Tell her…” Sparkle said the message and told him who to take it too. “Got it?”
“Absolutely, Frau Sparkle!” The colt-sized vampire grinned evilly. “Zat is a vonderful message. I von’t leave until sche underschtands klearly!” Kätzchen replied. When Sparkle nodded in approval, the lanky, short vampire saluted. In the space of a blink, he vanished.
“Energetic colt, isn’t he?” Sparkle commented.
Thorn nodded. “Do you think it will work?” he then asked. Behind him, his bladed tail swished excitedly.
“No idea,” Sparkle replied with a shrug. “I’d like to hope so. It would save us a lot of trouble in the future if it does.”
“And we could always force it if plan A doesn’t work,” Thorn added.
“That is true.”
Ursa “Mama Bear” Major was a reasonably tall mare. Certainly not as large as some of the stallions she led, but she was clearly no Shetland, either. Walking up to the necromancer and finding that she now equaled her in height caught Mama Bear slightly off guard, almost as much the new spikes on Sparkle’s spine.
It didn’t catch her off guard enough for her to visibly react, though. The leader of Dusk trotted up alongside Sparkle as the necromancer made her way through the empty hallway to the common areas of the base, a book levitating in her dark aura. “Good afternoon, Necromancer,” she greeted cheerfully. “What a delightfully fearsome look you have.”
Sparkle cast a quick glance up. “Afternoon,” she greeted back. The dark mage’s eyes snapped back to her open tome.
Ursa’s smile faded. “You know, it pains me to see a pony not respecting their superiors. It reflects poorly on both the character of the subordinate and the authority of the leader.”
This time Sparkle’s eyes looked up for good. The book in her grasp snapped shut. “Sorry, ma’am.”
“Now, now. I’m sure it was a simple mistake. One could easily overstep their bounds; it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” the leader replied sweetly.
“I’m not sure I follow, ma’am,” Sparkle said truthfully. She’d thought that the leader was talking about her trying to read, but apparently not.
“I think you do,” Ursa Major replied. “Kätzchen is one of my personal assistants, and I would ask that you not order him around.”
Sparkle blinked, and then smiled, giving the leader a view of teeth that were too sharp to be normal. “I didn’t order him around. I just asked a favor, and promised him a gift if he did it.”
Mama Bear’s features softened a bit. “I see. Might I ask what you traded?”
“A message for some blood wine. That’s not too different than what you pay him with, now is it?” Sparkle replied, mimicking the sweet tone Ursa tended to use.
Ursa nodded and smiled, showing off her fangs. “I suppose not. Thank you for alleviating my concerns.”
“My pleasure,” Sparkle responded. She took a few limping steps forwards and reopened her leather-bound book.
As Sparkle resumed her trek to the common areas where she could sit and read while her magic regenerated from the day’s work, Ursa Major followed close behind. The leader walked up next to the necromancer and tried to read the latter’s tome; it was actually gibberish, written in no alphabet that Ursa recognized. And worse, the letters were actively shifting.
To Sparkle, however, the letters were perfectly comprehendible. The Dread Necroptica itself could prevent those it deemed unworthy from reading it. That, however, had no bearing on the book’s ability to read its readers. The book was designed to pull information out of its reader’s head and, if it didn’t already have that information, the book would add it.
The text spelling itself out in front of Sparkle’s eyes was titled “Ranged Direct Possession.” Sparkle eagerly read the passage, cheering silently that she was able to use her enemy’s own knowledge against her, even as that very enemy stood next to her. Then Sparkle notice something scrawled in the margins that hadn’t been there a second ago.
The creator of this spell has been slated for execution by Lady Death herself for failure to pay bargained souls. She has been deemed unworthy of this book.
The tome snapped shut. “Mama Bear,” Sparkle began, “I thought you ought to know something about my kind. Most Necromancers have tried to summon Lady Death and bargain with her. She’s been known to grant blessings in exchange for the right price.”
“Really?” the Dusk Leader said. “I didn’t know that.”
Sparkle said, “Yes, but I’ve never called her. I wouldn’t ever. I did meet her, though. Twice, actually. Did you know she was in Canterlot when Discord was free? I tried to bargain with her to get the soul of a bookstore owner back. She just laughed at me and ate the soul anyway.”
Ursa’s step faltered ever so slightly. “How did you escape?”
“I didn’t; Death let me go. And I found out something interesting. This book,” – she held it up – “was created in part by Lady Death herself.”
“You!” Ursa found herself blurting out before she could stop herself.
“Me what?”
Ursa cringed. “Dusty Books supplied me with tomes for my own studies,” she replied. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to get my hooves on even one of those books. May I see it?”
“I didn’t know you were interested.” Sparkle grinned smugly. “Sure. I’ve already read six of the seven books front-to-back.” She levitated the tome to Mama Bear. When the leader took the book, the aura around Sparkle’s horn didn’t fade completely, and the corresponding aura moved to hover around Ursa’s skull.
Ursa opened the book to a blank page. She flipped to another.
Blank.
She flipped again.
Blank.
Blank.
Blank.
Her eyes were as wide as saucers. “Were… where is everything? It’s all blank!” She flipped the page once more.
UNWORTHY!
The book fell to the floor with a thud. “No… Why… why am I not worthy?” There was a faraway look in her eyes, but it vanished as quickly as it came. “No,” she said again, though resolutely this time. “I will show her that I am worthy.”
“Show Lady Death that you're worthy? I highly doubt that she’s the kind of mare you could convince once she’s made up her mind. She’s the mistress of the infernal pits; do you think she really has mercy?” Sparkle questioned.
Ursa was suddenly right in Sparkle’s Face. The scarlet eyes of a vampire looked into the crimson eyes of a necromancer. “SHE SHOWED YOU MERCY! YOU SURVIVED!”
It was Sparkle’s turn to be very uncomfortable. “What?”
“When those cultists tried to sacrifice you to Lady Death, she spared you and killed them all!” the leader exclaimed. It was true; Sparkle and the other original sacrifices had all survived. Unless she had been one of the sacrifices, Mama Bear should have been dead. And considering what the mare was saying, that was highly unlikely.
Sparkle frowned deeply. “If they all died, as you said, how could you know that?”
Ursa Major clammed up, but her silence was telling. “Never mind. I know. And I now know why you are unworthy,” Sparkle said.
“I won’t be unworthy for much longer,” Ursa replied. “What better way to show her my worth than a war, hm? We all want power in the end. Maybe this way she’ll take us seriously, now.”
“I’m not fighting,” Sparkle declared. “You have my support, but I will not be out in the streets, killing innocents. And I want nothing to do with the Grim Reaper. If you want to bargain with her, that’s your deal; leave me out of it.”
The cream colored mare stomped her hoof. “You’re going to wish you were out there, Sparkle.”
Sparkle didn’t reply. Instead, she turned and walked away, taking her book with her. ‘I’m going to be out there, alright,’ she thought. ‘You’re going to wish I wasn’t, Death cultist.’
Hrm... how could there be no evidence of Blackblood or other covens in Twilight's line? Though the two timelines are split, they only split a dozen years ago or something like that. I'd expect at least most of the covens are far older than that. Do the vampires exist, just with other, more passive interests? Or were they wiped out somehow behind the scenes?
Unless.... the timeline actually split much further back. Twilight and Sparkle briefly joined it when they both had their flares at the same time, and assumed that they split the timeline, but in fact they split much further back.
Probably wrong with that second one, but that would be a cool evolution.
6020637
Sparkle and Thorn share a soul, which Sparkle has stated is the basis of identity. Logically, that would mean that they should think like one person, but they don't. The entity has two personalities with distinct memories and thoughts: Sparkle and Thorn.
When the link between them is closed, they are separate. When the link is partially open, they have access to each other's thoughts and senses. When the link is fully open, their access to each other's memories, senses, and thoughts is so complete that they literally cannot distinguish themselves apart. They have no idea where "Sparkle" ends and where "Thorn" begins. They are the sum of their parts. They are Sparkrovitar.
When Sparkrovitar exists, Sparkle and Thorn do not. Sparkrovitar can freely control both bodies in the same way that you can control all of your limbs.
6020650
Here's one change: Card Gambit was an old stallion. In one timeline, Sparkle gave him a new body, which was turned into a vampire. He now funds Dusk. In the other timeline, Card Gambit was not given a new body. It's possible he died of old age, and never became a financier of the super-coven called Dusk.
Of course, there's other changes, too. It will all be explained in time.
Well, that was very interesting to say the least. Truthfully, the frog analogy describes more than one thing about this story. I, myself, don't know when exactly I got so hooked into this. ;)
Sorry, you're competing with The Chase for me personally, but i still look forward to reading this story. It's very difficult to write a good intentioned necromancer that is still a straight up necromancer, but you do a very good job with it.
6020688
There are two stories named "The Chase" on fimfiction. Which one are you talking about? The million+ word one, or the 19k word one?
*Fangasm* ZOMG awesome chapter!
6020717
the million and a half word one with another few hundred thousand in related stories. been reading since the start and it is gooood.
Talk about some killer fish.
6020729 It is but you also have no idea how intimidating it is to try and catch up. I'm only past the Shetland isles arc barely and he just keeps adding.
6020773
That million+ word thing reminds of of The Wheel and the Butterfly, but that one is already finished. And only at 600,000 some-odd words.
6020650
I think it has to do with what happened when the Death Cult tried to sacrifice Sparkle. Whoever Mama Bear is, she knew what happened there that day, and as a result of the ritual backfiring, she's starting a war as a means of sacrifice instead. She's trying to prove herself worthy of Death's blessing, and she feels this is the only way.
These events didn't happen to Twilight. Its possible the ritual never took place in her timeline, since they lacked a necromancer. Since the Mama Bear of her world isn't looking for Death's Blessing in the same way, Dusk may not exist.
I'm not positive, but that's my theory.
6020817
for reference on how big the (main) story is, Here's a link to wiki's longest novel page. There is only one novel on it currently longer than The Chase, and not by much.
6020910
That's a pretty long story there.
6020773 come on, he is prety tame right now.
Now when he got 5 chapters within 24 hours, with 4 updates on average per day for a week? THAT was scary. (10 unread chapters? No problem. Read 1, 10 unread chapters remaining? Hmm. Get lunch, 11 chapters remaining. Come on, that must be a mistake. Refresh. See? Totally a mistake. That are clearly.... 12... chapters...)
6020670 Time paradoxes are poison. GOod kind poison, but poison nevertheless.
6020717 Oh, and the frog thing?
What they forget to mention is that the frog in cold water over boiling fire can train itself to bear hot water.
Seriously, ever hear those ancient stories of men being boiled alive, but surviving? It's called fictional myth, but the basis of fictional myth is truth.
Well things are getting interesting. I don't like Sparkrovitar at least personality wise. Even if it's Sparkle's true united soul it seems like he will be sparkle's downfall. His mindset reminds me of that of a sociopath, he will do whatever it takes to achieve his goals and anyone is fair game save for a few. I doubt he would harm Shining Armor, Twilight, or maybe Luna given that they seem to like each other and that he sees these ponies as those who are close to him or Sparkle. Celestia perhaps and everyone else are fair game if they get in his way. I do however like that you created him, he's a great character overall, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
it is definitely MY favorite story, perhaps them Hellsing Ultimate references will continue? I do enjoy seeing how you get them into this story ^~^
Ursa quickly lost her nerve after Death past judgement on her. At this point she is going to rush things like most cultist do.
I feel I should have said this some time ago but I didn't. I absolutely despise, loathe, and utterly hate everything to do with the "Sparkrovitar" concept. one soul split to make two separate beings? Sure, why not. Doesn't bug me any.
But their willy nilly rejoining together to form one mind bugs the ever living hell out of me. Every time I see it, it makes me want to stop reading. I really wish you'd stop using the concept altogether but somehow I doubt that'll happen.
"Sparkrovitar" is my single biggest gripe with the story. Otherwise nothing else has bugged me too much to this point.
6022547
I wish I could defend my choice, but anything I said would likely sound to you like I was making excuses. Trust me when I say that Sparkrovitar has a purpose, although that's not going to be shown for some time. Also trust me when I say that Sparkrovitar will not be a main focus of the story for a while.
Now, if you feel you must stop reading, there is nothing I can do to stop you, and I'll be sad to see you go. However, I implore you to keep reading. I know what I'm doing. Everything has a purpose.
Sparkrovitar is something of the consequence of the magic system I have in play, the details of which I know and will conform too, even If I don't explicitly state every detail. He is the result of the fusion of one pony soul and half a dragon's soul, in which the memories had formerly been partitioned into the dragon part or the pony part. But, since the soul is the basis of identity, Sparkrovitar exists as a conjoinig identity for the two disjoint halves, a stabolizer, if you will.
6022899
By all means, stand by your decisions… but if you do, then you should actually stand by your decisions—don't try and pass them off as a consequence outside of your control. Writing yourself into a corner is one thing, but how characters interact with the facts you have established is entirely up to how you write it.
Personally… I have to agree that it is my least favorite aspect of the story so far. The fused personality is not very likable, and I don't see much of Sparkle in it at all.
6023086
I have a plan, I haven't written myself into a corner, and I genuinely liked the idea of Sparkrovitar when I coined him.
I do realize that I may have written him poorly, but hey, I'm not perfect. As I see it, I have two options. Either I go back into the old chapters and fudge around with Sparkrovitar's thoughts, words, and actions to make him more sympathetic, or I could go forwards and have the other characters deal with a strange, unlikeable, and possibly malicious entity.
Although I'll do what I think is best for the story, I'd like your opinion on the matter.
... And I just paused for a minute as a scene popped into my head that could resolve it quite nicely. I have to thank you. I think your comment may have unintentionally provided some good material for the story, something that I could implement within the next few chapters.
6023162 Ah, comment input. Such a wonderful thing. In an early chapter of one of my stories, somebody gave me an idea for the end of the story. I never would have reached the same conclusion without them. There really isn't anything quite like readers to help a story along.
6022899
I personally can see very little purpose behind Sparkrovitar. He/it seems very contrived to me. And the fact that Sparkrovitar will ever become a main focus of the story will pretty much kill it for me entirely at that point. I dislike it that much. Which is a shame because I was enjoying this story immensely until Sparkrovitar was introduced.
I'll keep reading for the time being but as I said, the more I see Sparkrovitar, the less I want to read.
As a stabilizer between two identities, one who was female, and one who was male, should then exists as either BOTH, or neither with no gender identity at all to it's persona.
But I still loathe the idea as a whole.
Huh. I called it.
Where is that quote?
5657418
6023086
Indeed, that's pretty much how I feel about it.
The issue here (at least for me personally) is that Sparkle is my emotional link to the story - from the very start, we have been following Sparkle and the twisted life she has been going through.
I have seen her struggle through prejudice and outright injustice, watched her trying to make the best out of bad situations while maintaining what tenuous grasp on morality she has left, followed her as she wades through her crappy life with the nasty hand she has been dealt with. I care for her and her plight - she is the focal point and the axis against which the rest of the setting and interactions derive their meaning from. She is the one character I'm rooting for, who I ultimately emphasize with and whom I have reason to care about.
And when this fused personality enters the play and the individual known as Sparkle pretty much ceases to exist ... well, I suddenly find myself cut off from the emotional connection of the story, because the link is no longer there, not really. I really have no reason to care one way or another about anything if Sparkle isn't there to provide me with said emotional backdrop and point of well-established reference.
I care about Sparkle, and she serves as the emotional link between the reader and the story - a connection that has been forged over many chapters and trials that she has stumbled through. Sparkrovitar on the other hand ... I couldn't care less about. Nor about much else that happens when Sparkle is banished from the equation, because it's no longer personally engaging.
Right now? You are definitely my favorite. I mean, there are some really well done ones that will always hold a special place in my heart, like Hard Reset, and everything by iisaw, but of the currently updating variety? You are my very favorite.
Haven't commented in a while, so I figured I might share my thoughts. I have to say, I am vastly pleased on how Luna reigned her sister in on being a moron in regards to Sparkle. Even if it felt a little stilted since we didn't get to actually see Luna... convince her sister. Although, i was expecting Luna to have a lot more regret and anger towards her sister when the false letter arrived More along the lines of "I was too late to fix the damage you've done, sister." but at least it gave Celestia a chance to use her brain for once. (instead of being shackled to Apollo's prophecy) So there's that.
I sort of expected Sparkle to keep empowering herself, but the light corruption on Twilight was unexpected.
As for Dusk, I'm really looking forward to the conclusion because it's shaping up nicely.
That being said... I have to agree with 6022547 and 6023086 about disliking Sparkrovitar.
It seemed highly arbitrary to have him self ID as male, just because his older half was apparently bored with being female. Pretty sure gender identity (at least in a case like this) would be more about what Sparkrovitar instinctively feels is more fitting, rather than just "I want to be male cause my older half is female and that's getting old.)
And I also have to say I don't see a shred of Sparkle in Sparkrovitar. I really don't. It doesn't help the fact that A: Thorn doesn't really act like a pony in a dragon's body. (at least I can't see it) and B: you keep pushing the idea that Sparkle is now a dragoness in a pony body.
Up til recently, they both acted like I expected, Sparkle as a pony, and Thorn as a dragon. So it's jarring to have Sparkle suddenly a dragoness in spirit. Especially since we don't see Thorn the pony.
If anything, you've written Sparkrovitar correctly in that sense, because the only thing pony about that entity is Sparkle's body. He's greedy, power hunger, hates the safeguards Sparkle put in place for good reason, and will probably cause Sparkle and Thorn's downfall. Sans deux ex machina at least.
Future purpose or not, he's an unlikeable character, and sadly, not a character you love to hate. Personally, the best way to salvage this character is to have someone cut the soul link between Sparkle and Thorn all together, or at least weaken it to the point where Sparkrovitar can't return, He is nothing but bad news. Sparkle was relatable, as was Thorn, but Sparkrovitar is just bad all around. All of Thorn's negative impulses, but none of Sparkle's self control.
6025601
I've been looking back over Sparkrovitar since
6022547 first mentioned it, and I have decided that yes, he in his original form was something of a mistake AND poorly executed. But, upon further reflection, I think I've got a resolution that handles it quite nicely. Hang in there; I'll make it worth your time.
Caught up at last, again. Man, there's been a lot of chapters recently.
Dusk doesn't exist at all in Twilight's world? Interesting, even if it's pretty obvious that Sparkle is the cause of the events that instigated it. Makes me wonder if it was the deaths on her side of the original timeline split, or something she's done or been a part of since.
And then Twilight turned into Heavenly Nostrils.
But seriously, that's definitely the description of a more classical unicorn body shape.
Ahh, so it was simply a mirror to what the hell Sparkrovitar just did.
Oh, to be the loved older brother of an unholy abomination.
I'm not sure that's how this particular Death works.
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I am pessimistic by nature so I have my doubts Sparkrovitar can be salvaged in any manner. As 6025601 suggested, I think the best option would be for someone to permanently sever the connection between Sparkle and Thorn's souls (and yes I will refer to them as separate souls as in my mind they should have been that way from the beginning). Severing their connection would probably be fitting punishment for some of Sparkle's hubris.
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Perhaps...
I'm at least willing to see what you make of that entity, but i can't say i'm hoping Sparkrovitar survives.
The only purpose I have thus far seen you make of him is the resistance to the mind magic/induced suggestion, from Dusk's leader, but at this point, that resistance could have been explained away with Thorn being a phylactery for her. Maybe that grants unnatural resistance to manipulation.
Either way, I seriously hope he doesn't become a permanent figure. Best case, the soul bond is cut in some form of personal sacrifice to save someone Sparkle cares about. (Hell, maybe someone she doesn't even like, like Celestia or Trixie. Wouldn't that be a trip.) I would say Thorn, but there's no one he cares for that Sparkle doesn't.
Just... be careful with how you deal with Sparkrovitar. You did fine with reigning in Celestia's idiocy. It would be a shame if Sparkrovitar ends up killing my interest, like his current direction is trying to do.
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Now, I don't seem to recall saying anything about salvaging Sparkrovitar in future chapters, did I? I mentioned that I might edit his past chapters, but I haven't done so. So I ask that you trust me, because I feel that you may like it.
... You have no idea how hard it is not to blurt out my plan and ruin the surprise.
Edit: That saw poorly worded. Let me restate: "Now I don't seem to recall saying anything about transforming Sparkrovitar into a likeable character, did I? But I asked you to trust me when I said that you'll like how this is resolved."
Gah, even that doesn't sound quite right.
6027150 wait so why did Twilight change? Well I know it was because of light corruption, but what did Sparkle do , that made Twilight transform?
6031426 Presumably, Sparkle used enough dark magic to accelerate her dark magic corruption. As she and Twilight are connected, Twilight's light magic corruption was also accelerated. At least, that's what I think.
>Were… where is everything?
If wherewolves existed, what do you think they'd be?
I thought that, as a natural light mage, Twilight was immune to light corruption, or is it just the mental component that she's immune to while still being subject to the physical component?
I have a prediction about Death's identity, pre-ascension.
Death is Sparkle, Thorn, and Savior. Going by what is said in the blog, Death split himself into three parts: Reaper, Keeper, and Sleeper, with Sleeper as only a partial entity. Now Death is male while Sparkle is female, but Sparkrovitar considers himself male. Together, Sparkle and Thorn have a soul and a half, so that would only account for Reaper or Keeper and Sleeper. However, remember Thorn's origin; grown from an unfertilized egg via dark magic and soul sharing, making Thornecrovitar Sparkle's son. Her son. Sparkle is now pregnant with Savior, a pregnancy which I'm interpreting as having been initiated wholly through dark magic, with no male, and by extension, sperm, to fertalize the egg cell for Savior to grow from. Now, if we hypothesize that a whole soul is only produced when the egg cell is fertilized, Sparkle's second son should also only have a partial soul.
Then again, it is more complicated than that. Perhaps if Sparkle just tried to grow a child from one of her egg cells from scratch that may have been the case, but she used Savior's already existent soul as a template. We already know that Sparkle was only able to save most of Savior. Maybe the whole soul was spared, and the only part of him that was lost was his body, but maybe the body wasn't what was meant at all and that a portion of Savior's soul was also left behind. We've been told that Sparkle made a small mistake with her plan for Savior. Perhaps, as with when Sparkle became Thorn's mother, sharing their souls, Sparkle and the slightly incomplete Savior will share the same, or a similar bond. Perhaps connecting Savior and Thorn in much the same manner by extension. Thus, they would have two full souls plus likely the majority of a third. Put them together, add a little alicornification, and you have Death.
Perhaps the difference of two sets of eyes in Death's cutie mark from Sparkle's mark represent Thorn and Savior.
Thus ends my rather long-winded prediction.
Someone been playing Oracle of Ages?
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For my two cents, a nonbinary gender does not have to be inclusive or exclusive of "both male and female" or "neither male and female." (Which is bigender, and agender, respectively)
As far as gender is concerned, You have the pronouns as one part, presentation/appearance as another, and the identifying word/label as a third.
If Sparkrovitar is an actually intentional nonbinary character, and an example of Sparkle's growth of personal identity (Im dubious) then its perfectly reasonable to assume that he would experiment with pronouns and self identification. The He label might not be permanent on later reflection- and thats a normal part of the process of exploring identity. The dragon* thing might also be an experiment of identity, or a sign that Sparkle's personality is being over-ruled and influenced by her male, draconic phylactery, something that Sparkle will have to realize is not healthy and remediate.
If this is all bs to our dear writer, then forget it; Im however hopeful that Sparkle will balance herself out and Sparkrovitar will be a more balanced, self-controlled identity (They, being an exemplary pronoun to turn to) and Ought to get a lesson in romanticizing power is not very good (dragons being old symbolism for this) and that restraint/wisdom is healthy.
I feel you should definitely elaborate on the gendered magic systems if Gender is actually being explored here.
You missed these in your rewrite. Otherwise, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
So wait, you're referring to Death as male now? In previous chapters, he was a she.
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A typo and nothing more.