WARNING THIS STORY IS EDGY. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. Harbinger is a cursed pony holding many secrets. His cutie mark was transformed into an abomination by an ancient evil dragon. Living his life hiding his flank from everypony and thirsting for revenge he learned black magic, and now exists for the purpose of growing strong enough to slay Apep, the dragon who cursed him and ruined his life. He has set his sights on Ponyville hoping to come out of the shadows, even if he has to risk becoming the enemy of Equestria. Will he learn to become a better pony? Or will the Bearers treat him like everypony else has bringing his ancient vengeance on them?
Chapters (2)
Wait a minute. Wait just a doggone minute.
I've seen this story. Why is it posted as a new story?
I'm pretty sure I commented on this story.
I most likely offered advice on this story.
I wonder if you actually followed any of it and improved upon the story.
bearer's = possessive = something belonging to a bearer =
bearers = plural = more than one bearer =
An apostrophe has a function, and that function is not to indicate that the word ends with the letter S.
Plus what 5498467 said...
I saw this before...
You have seen this before. I had some issues on the last post of it. I had a moment of depression and deleted it and decided to stop writing. My actual editor showed up and talked me out of it. Then she attacked it fixing all the errors, mostly. 5499444 Thank you, I shall fix that right away. I should probably have had velvet go over the description too...
The story is the same concept however the chapters have been fleshed out a lot better. The 4 paragraph prologue for instance actually sets up the story now.
5498467 yes you did see, yes you did comment. You posted a comment complaining about how edgy it is. No I have not done anything to 'fix' it because it's supposed to be edgy. I do have a warning now however.
Sorry about all this, I promise I won't have another psycho moment where I lose all faith in writing and delete it. I can't promise that I'll post the next 12 or so chapters I have written so far because I don't know when Velvet will edit it some more. I can promise not to post unedited unfleshed out crappy chapters again.
5499907 Of course you have. When it was first posted, the grammar was horrible. Which is why it had to be removed and revised.
5499444 It was a small mistake, no need to be nit-picky. The difference is, almost all of the grammar is perfect now. The idea behind the story is awesome.
5514964
There's every need to nitpick, because far too many "writers" on this site (and I'm using this term loosely) have failed to master even the most basic elements of grammar.
Regarding the awesomeness of the concept (or lack thereof), well, everyone's entitled to their opinion.
5514967 Well, I do really apologize. I worked very hard on editing this from the raw version between working at my real job, and I missed the apostrophe he had in there. So I'm sorry if I got a bit snippy, it's just that I didn't expect to see so many downvotes for this when seeing it posted for the first time.
To everyone else: Coyote had gotten impatient and decided to post what his friends had edited for him instead of waiting for me to be available. As a result, it didn't go so well.. to say the least. That is why you're seeing this again. However, I do think that you should reread it. Things have been reworded, the editing has made it easier to read, and it makes more sense as you read it. So please don't knock it before you give it another chance, and I hope you enjoy the redo.
Meh, I may have seen this before. But then again they're all the same.
There are a lot of thing positive and negative in this story so bear with me.
Your OC is very stereotypical of an mlp oc *sigh* mary sue. He has dark powers but you don't have to go all out with the colours. It hurts my eyes, the black and the red contrasting, black ponies aren't in the show. His cutie mark is way, way too detailed try to go with some thing simpler. Chaining princesses up and siting on bone thrones isn't a special talent. Since your oc isn't very original try to play your card right to make this a good story. Give him a good personality not "wow my destines bad but I'm good" don't just revolve him around this. What are his fears? Dreams?
That all I have to say is that your OC needs some improvements.
5538933 Three things, first of all it's not a cutie mark it's a cursie mark I already said that it's not his cutie mark and not his destiny. Allow me to explain, a curse is when someone uses magic to reck your life. this is chapter 11 spoiler His actual cutie mark is a is a gemstone surrounded by sparks. (His special talent is Arcano-Tech) his actual coat is dark blue with a red mane with green highlights The coat color reason and dark personality is a result of something that will be revealed in chapter 2. If I ever get an editor to edit stuff for me on this story. Another thing, look at the royal guard.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/archive/2/21/20120515155706!Royal_guard_didn't_notice_S2E25.png
I'm color blind so sorry if this isn't black enough.-Not intended to be sarcastic.
As for his dreams and fears. I'll tell you now. His dream is to kill Apep, cure his curse and manage to get a normal life. Your right he is overpowered in a way, His fears are actually dragons to a degree, and the spirit he made a deal with to get all the power he has.
Your right about a few things though, he is somewhat of a Gary Sue. However it's in the same way that Sombra was probably a Gary Sue before the black magic he weilded overcame him. However he is the result of an eqaution of cosmic law. For good to exist there must be good. His personality type by the way is more along the lines of "I'm evil, I love black magic and exist to seek revenge." He isn't a good pony. I'll tell you know this all ends in a chapter called "The burden of love." Think about it, would Pinkie be laughing if Harbinger did go evil?