A Short Ride To The Middle Of Nowhere

by Logic Flip

Do you want to get off at the next station?

Applejack blinked and looked out the window to see snow covered trees flying by, obscured slightly by the dust of snow that the train blew up around it as it raced along the countryside. She frowned, more than a little confused. Celestia's sun was hanging low over the horizon casting the clear blue sky into a beautiful orange glow. She raised a hoof to pull down her Stetson a little and found it absent from her head.

"Ma'am, is this yours?" Applejack turned to face the voice and jumped a bit at the light grey earth pony with thick rimmed glasses in the seat next to her. She didn't even know there was somepony next to her. She took notice of a familiar Stetson held in his hoof and quickly nodded. "Thank ya kindly." She said, taking it from him and putting on.

He gave a polite smile before turning back to a newspaper she hadn't seen in his other hoof and that's when she looked around the cab. There were other's on the train she hadn't taken notice of. There were ponies, of course. A yellow mare was playing with her foals in the seats behind her and a young green colt just showing the more sharp features of a stallion humming a light tune to himself right across the aisle as he stared out the window. But then there was a griffon couple a few seats in front of her and, from the cheeping she could hear, they had their chicks with them. There was even a minotaur in front of the couple who, at least from Applejack's perspective, was drawing something in a huge sketchpad.

Seeing no pony else, she moved to look back out the window. She was in the middle of doing so when she froze.

She looked back at the stallion, who suddenly seemed very familiar. Slowly, her eyes widened as the train rocked them mutedly through the white fields. If he noticed her slack jawed staring he didn't make it known as she took in every detail. With his face unmoving as he read, Applejack could see every detail of his profile. He looked young but grizzled and wise, just as it had in her memory.

She dared to look down at his cutie mark and the realization dawned on her.

"Ah'm dead, aren't Ah?" She said almost whispered to him as if speaking the words out loud would give away a big secret, still staring at him with wide eyes.

His mouth shifted into a faint grin as he turned back to face her again, folding the newspaper neatly at his side.
"Well, you're on the train." He said.

The sound of his voice made her feel warm and she swallowed, still staring at his features, not daring to blink in case the sight before her was taken away if she did. "What if Ah don't want tuh be on the train?"

The stallion chuckled, tapping a hoof to his chin in thought. "Well, check your hat."

Applejack looked away-Celestia knows she didn't want to- and pulled of her Stetson. She looked all around it, even on the inside and saw nothing. "Don't see anythin'." She mumbled.

The stallion gave her a knowing nod. "Then you can get off at the next station, if you want to."

She pulled her hat back on and looked back at him. "What if Ah stay on?"

"You can stay on if you want but after the next stop, you'll probably find one of these in your hat," He paused and folded open the newspaper, inside was a white ticket stub. "Then it's nonstop to our destination."

She gazed at his stub a moment before looking around, everypony on the train had one...except for her. She turned back to his ticket stub, it was probably the very same one he found so many years ago.

She looked back up at his face. He was still smiling, a smile warmer than Princess Celestia's own, his face still wrinkled in the same familiar creases and his eyes twinkling slightly. All and all, he hadn't aged a day. And here they were talking as if the years hadn't passed.

"C-Can't yuh get off with me at my stop?"

Again, he chuckled, his knowing smile unmoving from his lips. "You know I can't." He said before looking up as the train began to slow down. "We're getting close, if you made up your mind."

Applejack watched as the familiar buildings of a certain town came into sight. Ever so slowly, they passed house by house before the station rolled into view. There were ponies on the platform, most already carrying tickets and as the train came to a stop the doors were opened and they began to file in. "I wanted to be the one to talk to you, Applejack." His face was lit up by the sunlight again. "You know," He began,still looking out the window, "To see you and this place again, even if its only a glance..." He sighed a little. "Your mother was about half a hair's width of beating my flank when asked."

This time it was Applejack's turn to chuckle. "Good to see yuh still know how to get her riled up."

For the first time since they started talking, he looked a little sheepish. "I don't do it on purpose, yesh" He mumbled, rubbing the back of his back with a hoof. "She got mom's temper, maybe that's why they got along so well."

They shared a laugh that was soon interrupted by the conductor. "Last stop!"

Applejack did that hardest thing she ever did in her life, she stood up and nodded.

He nodded back. "No matter what, know I'm proud of you, my little jack."

Just hearing that nickname again... She wanted to give him the tightest hug she could ever give but quickly reined in the desire knowing that if she did, she would never let go. "Tell ma' Ah miss her."

"She knows." He said, his eyes glowing just a little bit brighter.

With a deep breath, Applejack made her way to the door, pausing before taking a step out. "Next time." She whispered as her forehoof sank into the snow.

"Next time."

Author's Note:

Just tried to write a short concise story. Based on a dream I had last night.

Tell me what you think.

Comments

[TwiwnB]

Tell me what you think.

I think you did a very good job.
It was easy to understand, never felt manipulative and had a good atmosphere that made me forget to question the lore developped behind it. All in all, a pleasant read.

The only thing that sort of bugged me is that passage:

Seeing no pony else moved to look back out the window. She was in the middle of doing so when she froze.

It feels like there is a word missing in the first sentence, but if a "she" was added, it would create a repetition... But my mastery of english might just not be good enough.

I'm also, now that I think about it, not sure about that sentence:

She frowned, more than a little confused.

I first thought I just didn't understand it right, but now, I'm really questionning what confusion is doing in the middle of that paragraph where nothing explains it. Of course it can be a hint to her peculiar situation, but at the same time, it doesn't go well with the rest of the paragraph.
Once again, maybe some english subtelty that escapes my grasp.

I mostly like the structure of the story. Beginning with twilight (hint for a dream or the passing to the other world), the show the stallion first as a normal passenger, then show the other normal passenger and only then come back to him, with the little hint:

She didn't even know there was somepony next to her.

The rest of the story, in my opinion, relies on a fast rythm to work the way it does. Just as Applejack, the reader has very little time to react and think about how to react, which makes every potential plothole get overlooked to focus on the important thing.

***

Nitpicking beginning...

"What if Ah don't want tuh be on the train?"

I'm not sure why you decided to make her ask that question first. It would make sense as the instinct of survival kicking in, but nothing shows she is worried of being dead:

The sound of his voice unleashed made her feel warm and she swallowed,

"Well, you're on the train." He said.

This can be considered as both the best and the worst part of the story. On one hand, it keeps the whole mystery of the situation intact while still providing an answer that gives the reader the information he thinks he needs. Behind that sentence, there is the whole idea of the train taking away the dead and the idea that this is common knowledge for ponies and completely accepted.
On the other hand, it asks why Applejack is on that train to begin with, why she is authorized to get off, why the stallion is here too and why not the mare... my worst interpretation being that he had almost kidnapped AJ to convince her to come with him before it was time.

Also, if a train takes the deads away, why would they burry the bodies?
Oh yeah, I remember... it doesn't matter .

***

It was a pleasant read. And on a personal level:

still staring at his features, not daring to blink in case the sight before her was take away if she did.

God do I know that situation...
(and isn't it "taken away"?)

[Summer Dancer]

This was good! This made me feel...relaxed and kind of sad at the same time I like how you set this up, and the ending was really sweet I wonder what happened to A.J., but I know that's supposed to be mysterious Nice work!

[Leila Drake]

This is a nice story. I like the pacing and the message.