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A Wonderful Beginning

The day that Rainbow Dash was born was the happiest day in her mother's life. She thought Rainbow Dash was the most beautiful baby pony she had ever seen and she promptly fell in love with her.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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SiIver Spoon

SiIver Spoon #1 · Mar 8th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Title:

A wonderful beginning

Correction: A Wonderful Beginning

Description:

The day that Rainbow Dash was born was the happiest day in her mother's life. She thought Rainbow Dash was the most beautiful baby pony she had ever seen and she promptly fell in love with her.

Instead of baby pony, it should be foal or filly.

Chapter:
Good word count.

Characters:
If this story includes Rainbow Dash's mother, shouldn't the character tag labeled "other" be included?

The title needs proper capitalization. It seems like this story might have a problem with capitalization. ~ Silver Spoon

mwclaud

mwclaud #2 · Mar 8th, 2015 · · ·

5710606
Thank you Silver Spoon for those pointers on how to improve the story. I have changed what you suggested except for the part about 'baby pony'. You are right, the word 'filly' would be much more appropriate. Maybe it is just me but the word 'baby pony' seems to better convey the emotion of love between a mommy and baby that I wished to use.

mwclaud