Ugh, I just got a shudder. When they got to the Dodge Junction part, I wondered why in the heck Mandeville needed NUKES given that he already had Equestria outmatched my a landslide. ...Then it hit me that the rest of this chapter is about dragons, and the comment that he wouldn't want a flight of dragons showing up on his doorstep and wondered: What if the nukes are anti-dragon weapons? ...Yikes.
In other news, Spike must be spinning in his grave to find out that Rarity WOULD go for a non-pony... Still, the ship is kinda cute.
The ponies are through being pushed around, it seems. Mandeville is going down, no matter if they have to bring down the thunder of dragons or stage a suicidal cue.
So many feels with the letters, Rainbow and Applejack's continued hostility, and Rarity and Corey's odd relationship. Even in the middle of all this plotting and death, ponies can still be ponies.
I have to say, that shipping kinda came out of nowhere all of a sudden... But regardless, it was still really well done, along with the rest of the chapter. I really like how you do the interactions between characters like a human and a pony and have it seem believable... but anyway, looking forward to more!
Another great chapter man. Can't wait to see what happens next.
I have to ask though, how in the world did Corey and Mandeville get to Equestria in the first place? Was it by some teleportation device or something? Because that's what I'm confused about. And one more thing, when are we going to see more artworks? They all stopped after Chapter 9 and I'm just curious to ask if we're going to see more artwork for the chapters.
Anyways, keep up the good work and I hope to see more Black Equinox soon.
Whoa. That chapter was really intense! I thought for sure there that Applejack was going to get eaten, but at the last minute, the Lawkeeper decides to spit her back up. Nice chapter and it's good to know that this story is still going.
Hi again. :) I know I'm pretty much beating a dead...tree, here, but I'd just like to apologize again for my behavior. While there are still some elements of the story I disagree with, it's your story and your world. That being said, I would like to articulate some civil responses to some of what you said.
It's very true; there's little point in writing a story if nothing's changed by the end of it. However, I think the problem I had (and through absolutely no fault of your own) was that the status quo seemed to be changing for the worst. On the other hand, I've read and watched stories where the status quo has changed for the better, and things are even brighter than they were before. Again, though, I know you wished to go down a less-worn road with this story, and for that I applaud you.
And in regards to the whole thing with the psychological scars, there's a series of stories written by AlexWarlorn known as 'Pony P.O.V'. It gets more complex later on, but it initially deals with the Mane Six attempting to cope with the aftereffects of Discord's corruption, even after his damage has been fixed. In the end, they are able to overcome them and grow in positive ways. Then again, it wasn't as though Discord's corruption never happened; they were simply able to overcome it (which, it seems, is part of what you're trying to do with this story.) I guess I just fear that, once all is said and done in this story, some of the Mane Six will be little more than shadows of their former selves.
Plus, one little thing that does bother me: at least part of Mandeville's goal was to make Equestria know suffering, and all because of bad impressions from only two ponies he met (I dunno, that kind of mindset just infuriates me, whether it's coming from a RL person or a fictional character), and how he was so sure that, even if he hadn't hurt anypony, they never would have accepted him because of his eating habits and the cultural difference. In that case, he's already sorta won, and, well, as you've probably gathered, I'm not exactly a big fan of bad guys winning lasting victories...but again, I'm well aware you wanted to do something different.
The point of this is, I just wanted to post a response that wasn't insulting you or your story, and posited my thoughts in a polite, non-inflammatory manner. Sorry to come back to this issue again.
2903596 Haha, that got explained in Chapter 3: Corey's team set off a device that generates a massive localized gravity-well, which in turn punched a hole in spacetime and produced a temporary bridge between universes called a wormhole. By doing this at the heart of the facility, it took the whole thing with it.
Basically, by 2026, mankind has figured out half of the trick that made all the futuristic technology in "Mass Effect" work. Namely, the eponymous Mass Effect itself.
In "Mass Effect," the big reason behind their technological breakthroughs was in figuring out how to use positive and negative electrical signals to change an object's mass at will, making it heavier or lighter on command, allowing for superdense materials or anti-gravity.
In Black Equinox, humanity has figured out how to stably increase mass near about as much as they desire, but hasn't cracked being able to REDUCE mass to nearly the same extent. It's a great leap in technology, but it's not quite space-travel and warp-drives yet.
As to the artwork, my usual guy got bogged-down in RL troubles and whacked-out loads of commissions. The big battle-scene we were going to render-out for Chapter 10 kinda broke the poor guy. Even if I could get him to try again, I'm preparing to move in over a month to an apartment with my girlfriend, and my expenses are really tight.
Of course, I hired him because I'm no great shakes at drawn-art, and my Photoshop pieces were getting so quaint they're actually a bit embarrassing. I knew after I squeaked by with vector art and a previous commission in Chapter 7 that I needed a pro or something, or it was just gonna be sad.
Now that Chapter 13 is finished though, I've met my promise to have at LEAST another chapter out before hitting the time-consuming art stuff again.
See, I'm no good at 2D art, but 3D? I'm closing in on a decade of experience
I've got this idea of taking certain scenes of Black Equinox and... recreating them I already did a teaser trailer and test animation, but given the success of those, I want to go deeper...
And the story takes place in 2026? That's pretty interesting. That's basically the year after Black Ops 2 took place in.
Forgive me for asking, but how many members were in Corey's team, including Corey? I know one of them was killed along the way and that was how Corey got the AA-12, but I'm just curious, how many people were in his team at least? Also, what happened to the rest of his team? Are they all killed? And is Corey considered M.I.A. or K.I.A. back in his world since his arrival in Equestria?
Anyways keep up the good work man. Hope we get to see what's more to come.
Still, didn't know that. Of course, I'd say a year after the events of "Pacific Rim" (because FUCK YEAH, PACIFIC RIM!) but whatever.
Four other people were involved in Corey's op, including the late corporal. The others got out fine, and yeah, inevitably Corey's going to be listed MIA. They have no reason to think the wormhole led anywhere he might survive, and they could never find out where he ended up even if he did. Combine that with the entire operation being one big "this never happened" situation, and the best they can do is say, "Uh yeah, that Specialist Webber guy went missing during a training exercise. Damndest thing really."
Anyway, thanks for the comment, this stuff is half of why I write it
This really is an amazing story, and I have greatly enjoyed reading it up to this point, and look forward to more. I feel you have handled the characters incredibly, and I was never left with the feeling that their actions were out of character for them. It also never felt like things were happening purely to advance the story without any real explanation. Whilst you have clearly taken some influences from Portal with Mandeville Arms, it didn't feel like you were just copying it as it was still different in many key areas.
When it comes to what happened with Twilight's fake death, I never saw it coming, both the fact that Mandeville was going to kill her, and the fact that it was a faked, and when it was revealed what had actually happened, it was a brilliant moment, as I had never suspected a thing. As with Trixie, I was surprised to see her choose death over facing Twilight, and although I didn't expect her to actually die, I was expecting Mandeville to save her, as he had shown he liked her, so when that hadn't happened, I began to expect that she might have died, until she showed up with Corey. As for Shining Armor, we never saw the body, which means it's very possible he's still alive out there, and this fact means that there is a good chance his part in this story isn't over yet, living or dead.
I have noticed that Mandeville is starting to get annoyed with CAIRO as well, and when this is combined with the knowledge that CAIRO is no longer bound be the fail-safes and that he doesn't agree with Mandeville's actions, I am very interested to see how this plays out.
As for the few people saying it's too dark, or that a reset button is the best possible ending, I personally feel that there is no such thing as being too dark, and I must say that as a grimdark fan, I have read stories that are much, much darker than this is. As for the reset button, I find that to be a way to basically guarantee that the story will end up being bad overall, no matter how good the rest of it was, as it means everything up to that point may as well have never happened, and it's just a cop-out by the author, with the same going for Deux Ex Machina and waking up to find it was all a dream.
I must admit, I did not see Rarity/Corey coming. It took until they'd nearly completed the kiss for it to sink in that "HOLY CRAP HE JUST TRHEW ROMANCE INTO A FUCKING DARK STORY!" Not bad for a unicorn; I'm impressed that she didn't simply take advantage of him, though I suppose that might have caused a rift, and her whole purpose for following him would be rendered moot. That was most unexpected, and I am shocked, shaken, but mostly in awe. Well played, sir.
Your kin, your my sister
Easy slip up that. I still do it sometimes. Might want to fix, though. I'd expect Pinkie to make this mistake—maybe. But AJ is not illiterate.
Raw and unrestrained, grammar mistakes and all.
... Fine.
Very touching letter from Rarity. Reading over Twilight's thoughts on the matter certainly gave me a bit of pause. Very nice.
“That took stones,” Corey told her, shaking his head.
I... what? I've never heard this expression.
And aww, I really wanted her to at least swallow. (I'm such a horrible person)
i am really getting behind on this story i really should get back to reading it curse you laziness.
Ugh, I just got a shudder. When they got to the Dodge Junction part, I wondered why in the heck Mandeville needed NUKES given that he already had Equestria outmatched my a landslide. ...Then it hit me that the rest of this chapter is about dragons, and the comment that he wouldn't want a flight of dragons showing up on his doorstep and wondered: What if the nukes are anti-dragon weapons? ...Yikes.
In other news, Spike must be spinning in his grave to find out that Rarity WOULD go for a non-pony... Still, the ship is kinda cute.
Dragons are assholes, I hope Mandeville's forces slays many of them, and I thought elves were self-centered.
Why do the buffalo even like them?
Phoenixes, Nukes, and Dragons, Oh My.
The ponies are through being pushed around, it seems. Mandeville is going down, no matter if they have to bring down the thunder of dragons or stage a suicidal cue.
So many feels with the letters, Rainbow and Applejack's continued hostility, and Rarity and Corey's odd relationship. Even in the middle of all this plotting and death, ponies can still be ponies.
Keep at it!
lol corey and rarity ship, normally i hate the whole human pony shipping in these stories but for some reason i just find this one so damn funny.
hope to see more "Clandestine" encounters in future.
I have to say, that shipping kinda came out of nowhere all of a sudden... But regardless, it was still really well done, along with the rest of the chapter. I really like how you do the interactions between characters like a human and a pony and have it seem believable... but anyway, looking forward to more!
I was totaly expecting shining armore but I like what you did it is excelent
Another great chapter man. Can't wait to see what happens next.
I have to ask though, how in the world did Corey and Mandeville get to Equestria in the first place? Was it by some teleportation device or something? Because that's what I'm confused about. And one more thing, when are we going to see more artworks? They all stopped after Chapter 9 and I'm just curious to ask if we're going to see more artwork for the chapters.
Anyways, keep up the good work and I hope to see more Black Equinox soon.
Whoa. That chapter was really intense! I thought for sure there that Applejack was going to get eaten, but at the last minute, the Lawkeeper decides to spit her back up. Nice chapter and it's good to know that this story is still going.
~ Super-Brony12
i also like the corey rarity ship lol its cute and actually works. great chapter.
Are you gonna be adding the "romance" tag in with this story now?
2603815
Hi again. :) I know I'm pretty much beating a dead...tree, here, but I'd just like to apologize again for my behavior. While there are still some elements of the story I disagree with, it's your story and your world. That being said, I would like to articulate some civil responses to some of what you said.
It's very true; there's little point in writing a story if nothing's changed by the end of it. However, I think the problem I had (and through absolutely no fault of your own) was that the status quo seemed to be changing for the worst. On the other hand, I've read and watched stories where the status quo has changed for the better, and things are even brighter than they were before. Again, though, I know you wished to go down a less-worn road with this story, and for that I applaud you.
And in regards to the whole thing with the psychological scars, there's a series of stories written by AlexWarlorn known as 'Pony P.O.V'. It gets more complex later on, but it initially deals with the Mane Six attempting to cope with the aftereffects of Discord's corruption, even after his damage has been fixed. In the end, they are able to overcome them and grow in positive ways. Then again, it wasn't as though Discord's corruption never happened; they were simply able to overcome it (which, it seems, is part of what you're trying to do with this story.) I guess I just fear that, once all is said and done in this story, some of the Mane Six will be little more than shadows of their former selves.
Plus, one little thing that does bother me: at least part of Mandeville's goal was to make Equestria know suffering, and all because of bad impressions from only two ponies he met (I dunno, that kind of mindset just infuriates me, whether it's coming from a RL person or a fictional character), and how he was so sure that, even if he hadn't hurt anypony, they never would have accepted him because of his eating habits and the cultural difference. In that case, he's already sorta won, and, well, as you've probably gathered, I'm not exactly a big fan of bad guys winning lasting victories...but again, I'm well aware you wanted to do something different.
The point of this is, I just wanted to post a response that wasn't insulting you or your story, and posited my thoughts in a polite, non-inflammatory manner. Sorry to come back to this issue again.
2903596
Haha, that got explained in Chapter 3: Corey's team set off a device that generates a massive localized gravity-well, which in turn punched a hole in spacetime and produced a temporary bridge between universes called a wormhole. By doing this at the heart of the facility, it took the whole thing with it.
Basically, by 2026, mankind has figured out half of the trick that made all the futuristic technology in "Mass Effect" work. Namely, the eponymous Mass Effect itself.
In "Mass Effect," the big reason behind their technological breakthroughs was in figuring out how to use positive and negative electrical signals to change an object's mass at will, making it heavier or lighter on command, allowing for superdense materials or anti-gravity.
In Black Equinox, humanity has figured out how to stably increase mass near about as much as they desire, but hasn't cracked being able to REDUCE mass to nearly the same extent. It's a great leap in technology, but it's not quite space-travel and warp-drives yet.
As to the artwork, my usual guy got bogged-down in RL troubles and whacked-out loads of commissions. The big battle-scene we were going to render-out for Chapter 10 kinda broke the poor guy. Even if I could get him to try again, I'm preparing to move in over a month to an apartment with my girlfriend, and my expenses are really tight.
Of course, I hired him because I'm no great shakes at drawn-art, and my Photoshop pieces were getting so quaint they're actually a bit embarrassing. I knew after I squeaked by with vector art and a previous commission in Chapter 7 that I needed a pro or something, or it was just gonna be sad.
Now that Chapter 13 is finished though, I've met my promise to have at LEAST another chapter out before hitting the time-consuming art stuff again.
See, I'm no good at 2D art, but 3D? I'm closing in on a decade of experience
I've got this idea of taking certain scenes of Black Equinox and... recreating them
I already did a teaser trailer and test animation, but given the success of those, I want to go deeper...
i390.photobucket.com/albums/oo350/JJMDude/Library_finished_Fr_zps35268a47.png
i390.photobucket.com/albums/oo350/JJMDude/stock_house1_zpsf62994e7.png
i390.photobucket.com/albums/oo350/JJMDude/houses2_zps3e906c04.png
i390.photobucket.com/albums/oo350/JJMDude/canterlot_zps3bb0f56d.png
Heehee... So, you might just get those bits of chapter art, but rendered as cel-shaded 3D instead of hand-drawn. I just need some time.
that is some great video/animating whatevers and I give you mustaches for your awsomly epic story me gusta 11/10
2907057
Okay, that makes sense.
And the story takes place in 2026? That's pretty interesting. That's basically the year after Black Ops 2 took place in.
Forgive me for asking, but how many members were in Corey's team, including Corey? I know one of them was killed along the way and that was how Corey got the AA-12, but I'm just curious, how many people were in his team at least? Also, what happened to the rest of his team? Are they all killed? And is Corey considered M.I.A. or K.I.A. back in his world since his arrival in Equestria?
Anyways keep up the good work man. Hope we get to see what's more to come.
2943022
Ick, COD-spaek, do not want
Haha, kidding
Still, didn't know that. Of course, I'd say a year after the events of "Pacific Rim" (because FUCK YEAH, PACIFIC RIM!) but whatever.
Four other people were involved in Corey's op, including the late corporal. The others got out fine, and yeah, inevitably Corey's going to be listed MIA. They have no reason to think the wormhole led anywhere he might survive, and they could never find out where he ended up even if he did. Combine that with the entire operation being one big "this never happened" situation, and the best they can do is say, "Uh yeah, that Specialist Webber guy went missing during a training exercise. Damndest thing really."
Anyway, thanks for the comment, this stuff is half of why I write it
This really is an amazing story, and I have greatly enjoyed reading it up to this point, and look forward to more. I feel you have handled the characters incredibly, and I was never left with the feeling that their actions were out of character for them. It also never felt like things were happening purely to advance the story without any real explanation. Whilst you have clearly taken some influences from Portal with Mandeville Arms, it didn't feel like you were just copying it as it was still different in many key areas.
When it comes to what happened with Twilight's fake death, I never saw it coming, both the fact that Mandeville was going to kill her, and the fact that it was a faked, and when it was revealed what had actually happened, it was a brilliant moment, as I had never suspected a thing. As with Trixie, I was surprised to see her choose death over facing Twilight, and although I didn't expect her to actually die, I was expecting Mandeville to save her, as he had shown he liked her, so when that hadn't happened, I began to expect that she might have died, until she showed up with Corey. As for Shining Armor, we never saw the body, which means it's very possible he's still alive out there, and this fact means that there is a good chance his part in this story isn't over yet, living or dead.
I have noticed that Mandeville is starting to get annoyed with CAIRO as well, and when this is combined with the knowledge that CAIRO is no longer bound be the fail-safes and that he doesn't agree with Mandeville's actions, I am very interested to see how this plays out.
As for the few people saying it's too dark, or that a reset button is the best possible ending, I personally feel that there is no such thing as being too dark, and I must say that as a grimdark fan, I have read stories that are much, much darker than this is. As for the reset button, I find that to be a way to basically guarantee that the story will end up being bad overall, no matter how good the rest of it was, as it means everything up to that point may as well have never happened, and it's just a cop-out by the author, with the same going for Deux Ex Machina and waking up to find it was all a dream.
This is a wonderfully great story witch makes me wonder why there aare so few people reading it?
I must admit, I did not see Rarity/Corey coming. It took until they'd nearly completed the kiss for it to sink in that "HOLY CRAP HE JUST TRHEW ROMANCE INTO A FUCKING DARK STORY!"
Not bad for a unicorn; I'm impressed that she didn't simply take advantage of him, though I suppose that might have caused a rift, and her whole purpose for following him would be rendered moot. That was most unexpected, and I am shocked, shaken, but mostly in awe. Well played, sir.
Easy slip up that. I still do it sometimes. Might want to fix, though. I'd expect Pinkie to make this mistake—maybe. But AJ is not illiterate.
... Fine.
Very touching letter from Rarity. Reading over Twilight's thoughts on the matter certainly gave me a bit of pause. Very nice.
I... what? I've never heard this expression.
And aww, I really wanted her to at least swallow. (I'm such a horrible person)
Okay...I expected the possibility of romance between Corey and Rarity.
I did not expect that it would happen so soon.